Abused as a child(graphic)

[confusedstateofmind]

I was abused by 2 of my brothers from when i was little.

One far greater than the other.
1-the less 2 the greater.

1. Use to do oral things to me ages 7-9. Then stopped.
   

1. Use to make me dance, give oral with mouth, use to mastutbate him. Hes the big achiever in the family, has a degree. Early memory i can think if is 4-9
   

Today i went conselling due to another matter and it nearly slipped out infront of my mum.

My mum and dad DO NOT know of the abuse and cant ever tell them. Im sitting here crying

I have a son now, whos a few weeks old and 2, is coming down soon to vist his nephew. I feel sick, shaking, cant sleep.

I blamed my problems on a family memeber passing when i was younger but its not. I almost feel ashamed as now i know what games they played and how they messed my head up.

I have no friends either, i am not with the father of the baby(hes the only soul i have told) he strugged it off.

I dont want to spill it as my whole family will be torn apart but i have turned so protective over my son its making me ill. I wont anyone change his nappy nor dress/unchanged him.

[confusedstateofmind]

No DF hasnt taken any role in his life. I have tried e.g sending photos texting him when it would be best but always cancels last mintue.

2- has had no gfs. 1- had a long term few years ago. Both have no children.

My mum and dad know i dont like anyone, to hold or attend to DS when crying.

I have rung the helpline 2 days ago, i did speak for about an hour, i cant face ringing back just yet again. I feel sad as someone nos but happy as i can talk to them and they offer great support.

Thank you for all your lovely messages xx

[izzyizin]

When is your brother due to visit and will he be staying over for a few days?

[GhostShip]

If your counseling is going to work you need to be able to speak about this, it is the cause of all your anxiety.

I am so so sorry you've been through this, and are going through the aftermath now. Youre a strong individual, respect to you x

[izzyizin]

How often does your ex see his ds? Was he present at fthe birth? Have his parents taken an interest in their dgs?

Would he be able to call at your parents' home while your db is staying over which may at least give you the feeling of having some support at hand should anything untoward occur?

[redjumper]

You should not allow a sex offender (your brother) any contact with your child at all.

This is the serious issue here.

It sounds like your plan is to watch them carefully, that's not good enough. You have a parental responsibility to protect your child, whatever impact that has on wider family dynamics. The sooner you get this clear the better.