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Original poster

DS1 let slip he's off to stay in London

29 replies

CuriousMama · 23/09/2012 23:40

He's not 15 until October and there's some game expo on in London coming up. Exdh has told him he'll pay for him, ds1, to go as a birthday treat and his friend will meet him at the train station. I've heard nothing of this? DS1 has very poor navigational skills and I'm terrified he'll get lost.

We live near Newcastle so it's a fair hike.

I just don't feel happy about it.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 23/09/2012 23:45

Are you on reasonable terms with your ex? Have you talked to him about the pitfalls of this folly trip? Do you know the friend/friend's parents who will allegedly meeting him off the train in London?

What is your ds meant to be doing when he's in London? Will he be staying overnight with his friend?

itsallinmyhead · 23/09/2012 23:48

I'd be taking that trip to London too, if this was my DD.

If that's not possible, I'd be making sure a responsible adult was able to go in my place or there would be no trip, I'm afraid.

Original poster
CuriousMama · 23/09/2012 23:55

Yes me and exdh get on great but he is rather sackless. Lives in cloud cuckoo land most of the time tbh. Dp isn't happy about it at all neither am I. I'd have mentioned something today when I saw exdh but his mum, exmil, is very poorly so it slipped my mind.

The friend is an adult, it's exdh's friend who has a flat there. DS1 will stay with him apparently? DS1 is a clever lad but he isn't practical and even he says he has poor navigational skills.

I can't afford to go to London nor can exdh so Ds1 would go alone. I'm going to be the bad one of course saying it's a no no.

OP posts:
Original poster
CuriousMama · 23/09/2012 23:57

They were obviously not going to tell me. I was asking ds1 what he wanted for his birthday and is his dad giving him cash. He said no dad's doing something else then went quiet. He can't lie so it came out.

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itsallinmyhead · 24/09/2012 00:02

Do you know the adult friend he'd be staying with?

I wouldn't be happy about any of this either. My DD is 14 and I would be saying no, very firmly, should this be a situation I were presented with.

Unfortunately for the main carers, our duty is to be baddies in the eyes of our DC's a lot...but we make the best decisions we can to ensure we keep them as safe as we can.

Good luck.

Opentooffers · 24/09/2012 00:04

Have you met exdh's friend ? Can you verify details of the expo on the web. Most importantly, do you trust exdH's friend and does your DS know him too?

Original poster
CuriousMama · 24/09/2012 00:07

Yes I know the friend and trust him, he's helped out exdh big style too in the past. DS1 knows him too. But he won't be going to the expo with ds1. He'll be arranging to meet him after, hopefully!

I just hope and pray this hasn't already been paid for?

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Original poster
CuriousMama · 24/09/2012 00:08

I've just looked up and there is an expo coming up. DS1 doesn't lie he's very like me that way so I know it's legit.

Arghhhh!

Thanks for you replies I'm off to try to sleep now, night all x

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Opentooffers · 24/09/2012 00:12

Do you mean he will be at the expo on his own or with a young friend - not clear on that but either way really, if they are only 'hopefully' going to meet up with the trusted adult after then it would be an emphatic NO for me.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 24/09/2012 00:12

I'd be very nervous of DS1 doing something like that I have to say (he's around the same age) Will the friend be taking him to the expo or is he supposed to be doing that by himself? If your ex is happy to pay for it, surely he should be taking him to it!

Out of curiosity is it Eurogamer? We're going up there on the Sunday - DSs are peeved because there's a big 18+ section they're not allowed into. We've been to these things before, and they get very busy and quite confusing at times.

itsallinmyhead · 24/09/2012 00:14

Ultimately, you must make a tough decision either way.

So you know & trust the friend, as does your DS. That's something.

It's maybe worth a family meeting, including your exdh.

Thrash out the pros & cons.

Ultimately, it'll be hard either way & you must make the decision you believe is ultimately best for your son based on all the information available.

Good luck.

Opentooffers · 24/09/2012 00:18

Being the child, he needs to ask permission. He did not, neither did your ex - Doh! It's worth the lesson they will learn by saying no. Be the bad guy, give them the message. Both need to understand that arranging things without your knowledge is a big NO,NO.

Original poster
CuriousMama · 24/09/2012 08:38

Thanks all. Ds1 informed me this morning that exdh is going too now and taking him to the expo and picking him up from it. That makes me feel better. I'll make sure his phone's topped up and charged and on! It'll actually be nice for exdh to be doing something for ds1 as he usually spends more time with football loving ds2 and takes him to games. DS1 isn't into footy so gets left out.

I'll still be worried sick but at least he's being escorted somewhat.

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OneMoreChap · 24/09/2012 09:23

Nearly 15?
Speaks English and can read?

I'd have let my son - or daughter - go tot London at that age - and did so. Usually to meet other crew they were travelling with. Good for their independence.

nagynolonger · 24/09/2012 09:44

I've let my 16 yearolds travel to London on their own to spend half terms with an older sister. They were used to travelling around London by that age. They travelled from the east mids and knew St Pancras and the underground.

Not sure I would allow a 15 yearold to travel to a totally unknown city by themselves. Has DS been to London before? Or is there any chance of him going on a visit before this event so that he learns how the underground works etc. Lots of DC have never been on aa train at this age.......I know lots of DC will have travelled far and wide at this age but not all. You know your own DS best you should have been in on the arrangements from the begining.

Original poster
CuriousMama · 24/09/2012 10:06

Yes he speaks English and can read is in top % in the UK for English but he still has real problems with navigation. He can walk out of a store and not know which way to go if he isn't used to it. He's most likely slightly dyspraxic as he can't tie laces either? I'm not going down the diagnosis route as it wouldn't help.

Now when ds2 reaches that age it'd be a different matter. Yes he has ASD but is so very practical. He's not academic in the least but can find his way about.

Anyway it's all sorted, I've just been pricing trains for exdh as he doesn't have the net. Next thing it'll be can I book them and he'll give me the cash as per usual. I have the best, most understanding dp ever Smile

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tzella · 24/09/2012 11:19

Me and my best friend used to 'run away' from home (on South Coast) to go to gigs in London when we were 15. She'd say she was staying at mine, I'd say I was staying at hers and we'd end up sleeping (hers or mine) where we ended up. This was early 90s.

This was before the days of Oyster cards so as practical advice I'd advise getting him an Oyster card, topped up automatically from your bank account. That way if he does get lost then as long as he can work out the tube/ask a guard at tube station then he can easily get where he needs to be.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 27/09/2012 20:28

Can I ask if it is Eurogamer he's going to? It's just that he can't go in on his own if it is - under 16's have to be accompanied by a parent/guardian over the age of 18. I just checked the FAQs because DS1 was convinced because his friend told him that he would be allowed in the 18+ area if we took him in with us not bloody likely.

maleview70 · 27/09/2012 20:41

At 15 I was travelling all over the country watching football. There were no mobile phones, mum didnt have a clue where I was. There was no friend waiting at the other end.

Personally I would let him go. You can make sure he gets on the train. The train ends at London so he has to get off. Make sure his phone is fully charged and he has his charger with him. Phone the friend before he goes to sound him out and ask for his address so you know where he lives. Make detailed arrangement for where your son is to meet him.

Job done.

Original poster
CuriousMama · 27/09/2012 22:22

His dad's taking him down and they're staying over at exdh's friend's flat.

No it isn't eurogamer.

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lydiamama · 27/09/2012 22:29

15 is too young to travel alone I think. I will ask for an adult to be there, either you XH, yourself or other member of the family. AND, even more important, how did XH and your DS failed to let you know about that trip? Which was the plan? Your DS was going away and calling you a few hours later when you would be frantic looking for him, and calling the police? XH should have discussed his intentions of buying that trip for your son with you before even talking to your son about it. It is an important decision and it should be shared.

Original poster
CuriousMama · 27/09/2012 22:54

lydiamama if you knew exdh you'd not be surprised at all. He's sackless!

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Original poster
CuriousMama · 11/10/2012 01:52

I'm so fucking boiling Angry I just found out exdh is watching NFL in London on the Sunday and expects ds1 to be looked after by his cousin who's the same fucking age!!!! I'm raging! I only found out accidentally, he (exdh) hasn't mentioned it. Ds1's cousin's flaky anyway so that's not going to happen.

The only way ds1's going to London is if he's taken to the football on the Sunday. God I'm raging. Poor ds1 was trying to find out what time the expo goes on until as his dad will be at football until 8pm. No, his dad will be there later than that as they have to get out of the stadium and then to pick up ds1 who'll no doubt be alone? In fact that's a definite.

I must try to sleep as am up in 5 hours. I could throttle that bastard though the sackless twat.

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tzella · 11/10/2012 07:39

Will exdh's friend meet ds after the expo?

I totally understand why you are pissed off Sad

Original poster
CuriousMama · 11/10/2012 08:37

Morning tzella Smile

Exdh's friend is the one who organises these football trips, he takes extw twat all over, even to the US. Friend has money extw doesn't.

Anyway I couldn't wait to speak to ds1 this morning, I managed to speak subtly to ds1 and he is upset by it all. It's obvious this birthday trip has fitted around his dad's trip and not the other way round hence ds1 starting off going alone and suddenly dad's going too Hmm ds1 has been a right moody sod these last few days, really winding me and dp up, and he said today it's the trip and his hormones that's done it. He said this trip's been on his mind a lot and not in a good way Sad

I texted extw this morning and asked about the trip and what he'd planned to do with ds1? I also told him how upset ds1 is and rang him, then put ds1 on the phone. DS1 actually told him with me urging that it wasn't a good plan. DS1's now going to the game, exdh said it'll make life easier if he did go! Shock He should have fucking thought of that before not now!! It's such a good job he wasn't here last night. I told ds1 I wanted to smash extw's face in, ds1 said he wouldn't stop me. Says it all really? Ds1 is a really clever lad he's always been so mature even from a young age. Yes he has silly moments as he is a child still but he's so measured. I just wish his dad could take a leaf out of his book. He doesn't like American football but knows it's the sensible option.

I'm still raging though but have calmed down somewhat but won't settle until he's back home on the 29th tbh.

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