I hope this doesn't turn into an essay.
I've name changed as he knows my mn name and I know he looks at it.
I have 2 small dc and been with dh for 16 years, so other than a few teenage bf's he's the only proper relationship i've had.
I have nobody to talk to about our problems as I don't want my friends or family to hate my dh. Sounds terrible I know but it's happened in the past and I don't want to be defending him when he's called me names.
I know I'm not perfect but his determination to keep the business he started has turned him into someone I don't know anymore. To say we are in debt is putting it lightly, we are utterly screwed and owe money to everyone. In the past I've stuck by him as he was so good at his job, but then the market died and he's tried his hardest to make the business work. Everyone has been telling us to get out for years but we've dug in deeper and deeper.
My problems are, he never tells me when he's taking a day off, so I live day to day not able to make plans. I also get up with the kids every morning and he was meant to do one day, but I only find out the night before. There is never any spare money, I don't know week to week how much the budget for food will be, if I'll have to use the change jar to get basic things. I live on very little, nothing is new, all second hand (except when bought by gp's).
So far it just sounds like we're poor and I live round dh's timetable. But the worst thing is way he acts now. He has a food addiction problem, he eats when he's stressed and he's stressed all the time, so he's put on Allot of weight. His black moods make him so hard to talk to, but he expects me to be what he calls affectionate (and I call sex). I also have an illness that makes me sore and after a day of looking after kids and dealing with pain, I almost get angry when he expects me to get into sex. He wants me to enjoy it and gets upset when I say no and that I'm just not that excited. I also find it hard to give him more than a quick peck on the lips as anything more is taken as a sign that I'm up for sex and sometimes I just want a hug.
Anyway we fell out Again this morning, and I asked him to go to Relate and he said no. I told him I was finding our lives really hard to live but I wanted to make an effort to save our marriage but he said it's not worth saving. I guarantee he'll change his mind by this evening and we'll carry on as before.
I don't know if I can carry on like this, I'm so tied into everything though that leaving would be so hard. Plus I still love him, but I can't help him, he needs to help himself.
I don't know what to do and have nobody to ask. Sounds so submissive, but thats been my role in our relationship and I don't know how to be anything else.
Help.