Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Olympic you keep mentioning NAPAC what is it (I'm avoiding my bed never slept well last night might sleep downstairs)

napac

NAPAC is the National Association for People Abused in Childhood. We are a registered charity, based in the UK, providing support and information for people abused in childhood. If you were abused as a child and are looking for support click here.

It's in my bookmarks.

Thanks don't really know where to get the support so much comes up in searchs been told to avoid looking if its to much.

pandys is also good.

pandys.

How are you doing Whydo?

There's a really good table called victim, survivor, thriver on havoca I think, it may help explain dc behaviour a bit more but just googling victim survivor thriver should bring it up.

am tired sorry

I spend hours of my life every night trawlling the web, it was initially to see how to help dc (and myself), but it has become a bit of an unhealthy addiction.

I'm tired but I can never sleep - I've just been reading the latest posts here. Makes me wonder even more about younger DCs and whether they have been abused.

DH can't even bear to think about that possibility.

table.

On PhOne so I'll take a good l

Good look at table from laptop tomorrow.

Í slept from 6-9.30 this morning laid awake most of the night not had a night like that for ages got drs tomorrow so suppose I'll have to try to go bed night.

Was just going to link it thanks.

I use that table to asses how I'm doing, it might be appropriate for your dc as they could relate to the stages. A year ago I was fully in the victim stage, now I'm mostly in the survivor stage.

Does your dc do much internet searching? if not, printing out some stuff may help, I doubt dc would talk to you about it but knowing there's help out there may help.

Pandy's is good too but I haven't been on it much, stuck with napac and havoca mostly.

I've tried a million (well a handful but nothing worked) of stuff to help me sleep - didn't like most things but I did find these quiet life combined with lots of lavender oil, no tv, reading, no Internet, worked for a little while.

Hated the feeling of sleeping tablets - where I felt like my body was asleep and limbs wouldn't work while my mind raced.

Night Dotty.

Dc spends a lot of time on web, but I don't know what is being looked at.

I'm going to print it out tomorrow and hand it over.

Well leave on bed actually.

Night all - dh coming to bed now. Sorry to hijack your thread again.

Yoga and pilates are good for relaxing, I often fall asleep at the end of pilates class when they do a wind down.

Deep breathing helps aswell.

I don't know your circumstances but have you sort trauma therapy, for yourself?

I wouldn't leave them on the bed, maybe put them in a folder high on a bookcase and get your dh to mention them if dc opens up to dh, no pressure, just there's a folder which might have some useful stuff in, when the younger ones are asleep.

Night anyway.

Me? - not yet - but recent events have made it clear I need it - I thought i has recovered from my past when I met my wonderful dh - first time in my adult life I felt safe was with him.

The therapist has said post trial we can start to explore some stuff - I have told her a little and there is nothing dh doesn't know.

Better idea re folder - thanks yes - walking on egg shells - wouldn't want to do something that will upset dc.

Can't sleep. Even after taking anxiety meds which usually help.

Just read the table. I would say 98% of what I am is in the victim box.

How can that be when is happened so long ago?

I didn't think I was feeling like the victim now.

I want to feel the things in the survivor and maybe thriver colum.

How do I change from victim?

Stmoritz - I hope you're not offended that people didn't answer your question last night about childhood behaviour. Being asked specific questions can be difficult and we have agreed on an earlier thread that it's ok, as Olympic did, to say "I can't do that at the moment." That doesn't mean we don't want you to talk or ask questions, the main thing is that you know you're welcome but questions won't always get a response.

Beaver, that table is interesting isn't it? Unfortunately abuse has the power to shape you as a person and influence all areas of your life. In order to move on from the victim column I think you have to face up to the abuse as best you can and start to reduce its power over you. You have to identify all those negative thoughts that it gives you and root them out, one by one. It's bloody hard.

Beaver, when I first saw the table I was fully in victim stage, it shocked me as I was still in denial really but I have moved forward. Recognising I was a victim and being easier on myself, allowing myself to grieve, learning coping skills and grounding has helped. I doubted I would ever move onto survivor and thriver is a distant dream atm. Napac, pandy's etc have lots of information that does help. Tackling one issue at a time does help.

Stmoritz, hope you're ok.

Full storm here this morning.

I read a bit of the food thread last night and my family is the type to sit around the table, eating anything, listening to radio 4 and discussing quantum physics, ds never had terrible two's or difficult teens. He also doesn't have the food issues I have and eats anything and stops when he's full. He's commented I don't know when to stop and that's because I had to eat everything on my plate. I also always discussed what we were having for tea before hand. I am weird though, we often eat with chopsticks!

Morning all,

Wow that table is interesting, thanks for the link.

My son is an incredibly fussy eater and so was i as a child. I just go with, he'll eat when he's hungry and remove all pressure. I was force fed as a child and it has given me long standing food issues.

Welcome stmoritz, sorry I can't answer your question, I was a teen when i went through it, so have vivid memories. I feel for you, keep posting.

I second Pandys, it's a good place, but I found some of it very triggering in the early days, so be cautious and protect yourself.

Olympic you mentioned grounding, what techiques do you use? My counsellor mentioned grounding, but I'm not sure what I do, or should do.

Beaver, the fact that you are posting is a big step. I agree with Cailin, i think you have to face it, all of it, every negative thought. Last night I had a bad dream about being raped when i was a teen, I woke blaming myself for something I thought I no longer felt guilt over. I intend to talk it over,remind myself and seek reassurance from my friend that it was not my fault. I won't take the blame, it isn't my fault.

Keep posting

Morning chips.

How are you feeling after that horrible dream? I'm having bizarre dreams at the moment but they're surreal rather than reality based.