Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Chips I keep a diary/jounal some real mundane stuff started it on advise of DC when I told her I was remembering stuff said to write it all down so they could use it to guage the effect doing this had on me.

My mum is ill and she's trying to go back to work. She could see I was feeling bad so I got the Spanish inquisition and she cried and said she can't manage to work as much anymore because she is sick and she can't manage the work as well as everything else and she hasn't noticed I haven't been feeling ok so she's going to reduce her hours so she can spend more time with me and the children. I tried to point out that not knowing what is going on with me is not because she is ill but that since she went back to work it has been like that. Had to stop before getting mad. Don't know what to do now.

Do you get on with your mum Offred

I'm thinking of running away my usually pleasant DD2 is home and talking to everyone like crap including me she's got her first period for about 6 months so should make allowances but can't be fucking doing with it all

I don't know dotty honestly. I find both of my parents really difficult. I feel really angry with them right now. I don't have a real grip on what I feel about them right now other than that. I really don't want her to be stopping work so she can see us. She wants to have us for tea and pick the children up every Thursday.

I would love to run away right now. So tired.

Really upset at my friend went to see her today we always cheer each other up her DH was there they split a week ago she's been here just along the road from me staying at her mums. Don't know why she hasn't told me but I feel bad cause her DH is doing some work in garden and I got the bit for him to finish it today don't want her to think I'm betraying her.

Have you asked why she didn't tell you? Might be worrying about you having enough on your plate?

Not seen her, she knows I'll always be there for her were more like sisters.

It helps me to help other people but when you are feeling bad I think you feel like you are "putting on" other people. She might just have been worried about that. Could you text her or something?

Watching a programme that makes me realise it wasn't that bad what happened to myself feel so and that she went through that.

Which program dotty?

am ranting on the beetroot to a 6yr old thread in AIBU, back later, this mother has force fed her kid beetroot, kid refused, sent to bed empty tummy, entire meal in bin. mother is now seeking support. am emphatically not supporting her with this. poor kid.

Fritzl story of a monster on CI often watch the crime channels like true life stuff

Well not force fed but said se had to try it kid refused with a huge song and dance tbh my DS ate very little foods and would of had nowt to eat if I had done that but we grew up like that. She did come back and say if she hadn't made a fuss she would of let her away with it.

I posted a few times on that thread too getup. I can't stand that kind of overbearing nasty parenting. I've stopped posting now because my own issues are clouding my judgement and I'm worried about what I'll say.

Dotty how come you are comparing what happened to you and what happened to her?

Not comparing just saying it wasn't as bad said that from when it all came out

But that is comparing dotty - saying it isn't as bad. Why is it relevant?

Hi everyone

Have been lurking on most of the sexual abuse threads and have found a lot of hope and inspiration in those who these things have happened to. I am unsure but have a feeling something/things happened to me as a child although I can mentally feel myself blocking any thoughts out. I just want to be honest on here and try to get some perspective on stuff so that either I might move on from it or start to confront it. At the moment I don't know what I want to do.

I've suffered badly from sexual problems my entire life and had almost a physical block as well as a mental one. I feel strange and not happy when I see old men around small children and babies, and when I hear on the news about a baby or child being raped or abused I cannot stop thinking about it for weeks on end as well as crying and feeling sick. I don't know whether something happened to me...I've been sexually aware from a very young age, around2/3 I think, and used to do very innapropriate behaviour around people and friends. I don't know what to think really.

I guess I want to know how someobody recovers from being raped as a small child, both physically and mentally, if that's possible. I don't remeber anything happening like I said but penetration for me has always been absolutely frightening and provokes a sense of 'invasion' and 'harm' so to speak. Sorry to sound so morbid, hope you are all well and even if you don't know what to say to me it's helped to get this off my chest.

Never forced my ds to do anything especially with food, I was forced fed bananas, which I'm intolerant to and would v+d when I ate them, and forced fed liver, for days, until I'd eaten it all. My gran and sister tried to force feed ds liver and I flipped.

Don't watch tv and trying to hold my opinions to myself atm.

Hi stmoritz, thanks for posting. You are in a tough position because you're unsure about what you're remembering. It does seem like some sort of memory is trying to come to the surface though.

How are you feeling?

Wasn't actually force fed but made to eat it hated macaroni cheese liver and lentil soup all made me feel sick. Even remember getting given my dinner 2 days running if I didn't eat it.

Hi stmoritz, so sorry you're going through such turmoil.

I can't say what is causing all that, I hope you find some answers.

Also biscuits etc where counted and kept in their bedroom. Packed lunch was 2 slices of bread and meat paste that was it.

Food wasn't a big deal in my house. My mother did try to fool us into eating parsnip one time by mashing it with potato and then saying there was no parsnip in it - I argued and argued with her and she wouldn't admit she lied. How mad that I remember that!

But I have issues with my mouth due to the abuse so the thought of being forced to eat something makes me shaky.