Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Thing is dotty, I knew the guy was a shithead and I didn't like him or trust him. When he actually abused me I knew I wasn't comfortable with it (it was relatively "minor" compared to other things that happened later) but I didn't really know it was wrong.

You loved your brother. Your feelings towards him and your trust in him was completely normal and there is no reason for a young child to think that their beloved sibling is trying to hurt them. There is absolutely nothing for you to feel guilty about - you were absolutely tiny, far far too young to understand what was going on :(

Belle DD2 will be 17 in October has been with the boyfriend since Christmas he's asked her to move in with him she's told him it's to soon and that her mum needs her more than anything ATM made me really proud of how grown up her thinking is but that she's putting me before her happiness.

Could you talk to her about it dotty? Chances are that looking after you is what will make her happy. You're her mum after all, she will want to help and support you.

wow Dotty she said that and she's 17, much respect to you

Cailin I sense your disappointment towards your mother is huge

maybe she's not putting you before her happiness, maybe she really doesn't want to move in with him, and she said that to support her choice

Probably just me Cailin she spends alot of time there anyway he'll be 23 on saturday and is absolutely lovely, they and his brother where here saturday night keeping me company watched both 28 days and weeks later films and made tons of chips was such a chilled out night.

Spot on Belle. I know it might sound incredibly petty but one of the main things that annoys me is that what happened to me doesn't bother her at all. She just put in the minimum effort into parenting and now she can sit back and congratulate herself that it all went well because all three of us have relatively good, successful lives. Yet I think we all got to where we are in spite of her. That's especially true of me. In some ways I would like to just say "You were a SHIT mum and stop thinking you were fabulous you self absorbed waste of space!" But that's just vindictive.

No Belle sorry not 17 until October was just trying to point out that she's not just turned 16.

blimey dotty, you have your daughter, her man, and his brother WANTING to chill with you at home on a Saturday night?

have some

I want my kids to want to do that with me when I'm older, that is a HUGE compliment to you Dotty for them to do that - by CHOICE too

Cailin - yes, I get it completely, mine is same as that. If any of us do well eg my brother and his top job, she doesnt see it as him getting it on his own CV, she sees it as well he wouldn't have been able to get there without all my financial support all these years...or my sister doing well, oh she only got there because we did such and such...not sure she can credit any of my 'status' as a SAHM as it's not in her list of successful ways to spend a life

But I don't want ANY of her praise or credit, as it just comes across all wrong -very fake, gushy, claustrophic for me to hear it, would rather she just shut up than lie to me

claustrophobic I mean

I am living on an alternate planet compared to a lot of people

Cailin, child psychology wise he is perfectly, healthily normal and when he starts interacting with other dc, as opposed to playing alongside, he'll discover not everyone loves him, especially when he has a toy someone else wants.

The strong loud chatty child is less vulnerable than the shy quiet one.

My mother never gives any praise so I don't have to worry about that!

My MIL is the one who gives fake praise - she praises things that annoy her, it's bizarre.

What's funny is myself 2 sisters and brother where at my uncles funeral in September [day before I msade the disclosure] and my MOTHER turned around and said it was lovely to see us ALL together what does that say about her.

She often goes on about oh I don't know what I've done wrong with B [other B] and C [oldest DS] as the rest of you tuirned out ok yes right if you forget about having a paedophile for a PFB.

SMIL is amazing what you see is what you get and she is so genuinely warm and caring towards me and this sorry mess.

My MIL is lovely too really, she just has a few odd quirks and a tendency to be a control freak. When I was depressed she really stepped up and helped which is what matters. My mother just pretended it wasn't happening.

The praising thing MIL does is really odd though. She is obsessed with bibs and wants DS to wear a bib at all times. I have never used bibs, can't be arsed. Every time she's here she makes a comment about bibs, but framed as praise, such as "you're so relaxed Cailin, not wanting to use a bib" or some other such weird thing. It's quite annoying, to say the least.

DS and I are off out to meet DH for lunch :) See you later everybody, hope you have a good day.

sounds lovely Cailin a lunch out (will be supernoodles or toast and a banana here for me, not too exciting I can tell you!)

enjoy!

Enjoy Cailin x

Oooo have a good one :o

I have found a local dentist who'll do emergency treatment I'm just too scared to go now.

My exmil is a nightmare but the whole family has problems. My exfil and exsil have apologised to me after I publicly had it out with exp.

You know sometimes I just sit and cry over never being able to be a mum, wife, daughter, sister etc and not being able to sort my finances/get a relationship to have had 2 or 3 kids. I'm always fighting to be normal and failing miserably :o

Hugs Mashed - but you do have a sense of humour, don't forget that, you keep me smiling on days I'd be curled in a heap, don't you know!

Thankyou, you make a lot of sense when things get confusing Belle.

I do really wish I'd had more babies, argh.

how many do you have Mashed? * sorry if you've already explained in part 1

sleepless nights, feeding, settling, laundry, nappies, lack of sleep,

did I mention lack of sleep

I am only finally seeing the light and it's been 3 yrs since DD was born. SIL having 2nd this summer, will see how I feel then about another, as DH says he'd love 3 kids, but physically, mentally, I really doubt I will be up to it. DH says it doesnt matter, as he can see what a headcase I am at the minute with the therapy and the meds, so not sure if another sprog would spin me well out of control properly, too much of a juggle? Who knows.

We only intended on the 2 DD2 was our suprise DS was only 5 months when I fell pregnant we also intended to wait until I was about 25 if we had with my medical problems we would of had none.

Somethings happen for a reason I think.

I have four but not by choice really.