Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Offred, sorry, can I butt in and ask a really stupid question? what's rasa? I'm confused because I think it's that acting school place

I blurt things out opportunely and then shut down I think.

It is a local charity for rape and sexual abuse, I think local anyway, sorry!

IMO talking to a partner about rape/abuse is very very tricky because you have a sexual relationship with them. Of course it varies from partner to partner but in general I think the relationship is too close and intimate for the partner to really help in a practical way. What do you think?

Yes, I agree. I don't think I want him to help... Although I am mixed up and don't know... I think I want him to know because we have a developing sexual relationship and I don't feel comfortable being in control of it. He is very inexperienced and submissive/unconfident, I don't feel safe being the one in control. I use sex to harm myself, I'm not trustworthy. I don't trust myself.

Well that's not strictly true. I have used sex to harm myself, I feel tempted to now.

Sorry this is your place I feel so much like I'm imposing my self-imposed hysteria here. The last few months have been hard for a variety of reasons. I'm wondering if I have again sabotaged myself, like a fucktard

I can't find specialised local counselling for love or money and I need it again badly

where are you dotty?

Hi everyone. Lurking as usual. My dh is open to me talking to him but it's obvious that he doesn't understand why my moods are all over the place. He also says he holds back from touching me in case I become upset.

What do you mean that you have "again" sabotaged yourself?

I don't know, maybe I am victim blaming but I have self-harm tendencies, I worry that I'll do things to hurt myself when I don't want to. Don't know whether I actually do and can't think of examples.

Tombliboo - do you talk to him?

Hi Offred. I talk to him using very veiled references. I've talked more recently because it has been affecting me more but I can't look at him at the same time.

Hi Tombli.

I'm single so not much help but this place is for anyone so don't worry about it.

I often feel like I'm sabotaging myself so know what that's like.

I'm here listening to you but as the single gal.

With intimacy I've struggled with flashbacks. It sounds a bit like you don't want to hurt him emotionally, like it's something he really shouldn't know about.

I can relate to that... Yes veiled references... Not looking... Why can I talk to his friend? Why am I? That part is weird.

Offred I'm in scotland had 11 sessions at rape crisis police referred me to them but finished in early April at the time I felt on top of the worls was happiest I'd been in years.

Could dr refer you again or go back to the police?

If it goes to trial I can go back but even then must have a 3 month break now DC looked into more cause she asked if I wanted her to not me asking her but the counselling she knew about has gone due to rape crisis offering it now I have a local counselling service leaflet off dr but more for after its all over she referred me to psychology urgently in the beginning as she deemed me at real risk to myself but I was refused by them.

Dotty, Edinburgh has a few places that might help.

Offred, do you use sex aggressively? That's quite common.

Tombli, how are you doing?

I have told friends a lot more about what happened to me than I have told my DH. I just can't bring myself to tell him those things.

I don't know. This relationship is the only one I've been in since my first one that was not either actually abusive or survival sex when homeless.

Oh actually no, there was one before DH but it was short and insignificant.

I have to head to bed now all, but I shall be back again tomorrow. I'm glad you joined the thread Offred, please keep posting. Good to see you again Tombli, will talk properly tomorrow.

Night all x

Thanks cailin.