Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Karma, where the hell are you meeting these people? I'd report her tbh. I've done massage training and it's nothing like that.

Dotty, ooh you're quite near me, t'is a lovely area. The court sounds horrible, do you actually have to see him? can you ask for a screen to be put up?

i picked up her flyer in a health food store

Karma, that sounds really strange and out of order, can I ask did she massage you places you weren't comfortable with?

I don't mean to sound thick but have you been to your gp for a referal for councelling, I can't remember all your details, sorry.

the other place would be rape crisis who would be able to help you?

I'm only an hour from Langholm anyway find it really peaceful by the waterside there especially on a nice summers evening.

Can I come in here?

Course you can Offred. What's on your mind?

I don't even know. Telling DH might've been stupid, I'm all mixed up now. Feeling trapped.

Why do you think it was stupid?

Hi Offred, glad you found it, whats happened?

Cos I haven't any support with dealing with it and now I'm in a mess and DH is back at work and away tomorrow and I'm all clingy feeling like he is my protector but also wanting to push him away - have sent him out to see his friend. Don't feel I can go back to RASA after less than a year for something so trivial when they are overstretched. Can't deal with all the stuff I have to do, boring menial tasks, whilst thinking and thinking and feeling all twisted up and wanting to run for the hills. So pathetic, been hanging around MN all day trying to pathetically attention seek about it feel a bit stupid.

Well you've come to the right place now. Why do you think what you're going through is trivial?

I don't know. I don't know. I've only told DH. Shouldn't really be so twisted about it, think maybe should have thought about it more.

Nothing has happened. I'm not a sharer. I'm a bottler.

What do you mean when you say you think maybe you should have thought about it more?

That I should have set a support structure up first but then I think I wouldn't have done it at all.

What prompted you to tell him?

Last year when I went to rasa I wanted to but didn't know why so after talking about it I didn't. It just came out tbh. It is silly, it doesn't change anything that happened. Think maybe it's cos it isn't my little hurtful secret to turn inwards on myself anymore now. Which is also stupid. But don't know. Don't know why I said, felt ok at the time.

That's it though if you thought about it you wouldn't of done it making the first move is a massive step.

What was your DH's reaction?

Do you feel better for telling him?

There's always someone here aswell and it's not attention seeking.

I don't know I didn't look at him and only talked to his friend about it after and not him... weird I know.

Everything is just the same as it was.

Were you hoping it would be different?

What would you have liked him to have done?

Do you think he could be in shock?

I don't know. He is utterly normal, I think it was not a surprise. I already told him about dd1 being a rape baby, that was a long time ago, he was sad, I cried, he held me. I think he already knew there was more, he knows me very well. I don't think he's in shock. I haven't thought about what I expected but I suppose now I want to talk about it more but don't know how to start when he is so utterly normal.