Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Can you describe the darkness dotty?

Hugs Dotty.

Dark thoughts hoping I'll not wake up etc.

Keep talking if you can dotty. What's going through your mind?

I'm listening

I have to head to bed now dotty but I hope you're doing ok.

How is everyone today? I'm having a good day, just been out for few hours with DS. He slept till 7:20 this morning which is a record!

How are you doing dotty?

Help! My therapist does not seem very good and my general condition (anxiety, depression, PTSD symptoms) is deteriorating rapidly since I started going to her

Oh dear Karma. What's the problem with her?

She refuses to let me talk about the sexual abuse. When I try to talk about my dating life, men and my fears about sex she looks squeamish and changes the subject or asks my why I'm interested in dating

That doesn't sound good. What sort of therapist is she? Is she aware that the abuse is one of the main issues you need to talk about?

Cailin, I slept in too and missed venus crossing the sun couldn't see it for cloud cover though

Karma, hi, I remember you from an earlier thread, is this the same therapist with the husband and you're paying? if it is can you look for a new one? She really should be able to talk it through with you, mine had no problems talking through my rapes with me and allowing me space to work it out.

Dotty, how are you?

She's "psychodynamic counsellor" apparently Caillin. She did say right at the start that she's not experienced at working with abuse survivors

Mashed - yes it's the same one and I am paying.

I also have a general question: is it possible to heal from childhood abuse without continuing with therapy?? In total I've had about 3 years of therapy but spread over 10 years. Does it have to go on forever? What other sorts of things can help you heal from the trauma??

Self help is good, most of mine has been self help but that's because I didn't trust anyone.

Dissociation is difficult depending on the level of dissociation. If it's not too high some inner child therapies can help.

What and where have you had therapy? ie rape crisis, emdr.

If you can afford it or have a naice nhs emdr is supposed to be the quickest and most effective.

I was plink/coffee/dirona before identity crisis much :o

Hi I'm back not to worry I won't act on my thoughts not that stupid been out with DD2 today went for lunch and to Ikea still won't brave Edinburgh on my own [wimp emotion]

Thanks for last night I'll get through this done it before and I know it will likely happen again. x

I don't really like psychodynamic approaches to be honest. If she refuses to discuss the abuse then the counselling is just pointless IMO - you should be free to talk about whatever is on your mind, no matter what it is.

To answer your questions, I can only say from my point of view, yes it is possible to get over it, but unfortunately you have to wade through shit to get there. I think to really come to terms with it you have to face it head on and to do that you need a lot of support. You have to get a point to where you can say "yes it happened and yes it was awful but I am a different person now" and you have to heal all the different types of hurt it causes. It's hard, but not impossible I think.

So glad to see you're a bit better today dotty. It's good that you recognise that it might happen again - unfortunately that's probably true but if you know you just have to wait it out and it will eventually pass then it means you can deal with it. Over time episodes like that should hopefully become less and less frequent.

How are you feeling at the moment?

Cailin if it goes all the way to trial it will be horrendous DC has said that it will be much worse just talking about it in detail for the case is bad enough. Found out when I was at my sisters that he was so pig ignorant/cocky about it that he didn't have a solicitor until after he was charged.

I'm feeling a wee bit better not brilliant but I'm down to crying once or twice a day again not all the time so it's progress I suppose.

Hi Caillin, what don't you like about psychodynamic counselling.

The counsellor used to (pretend to) support my decision to not take anti depressants. Now she has said she thinks her clients should take antidepressants and that she is on them herself.

I dunno, she's just not inspiring confidence in me

Is anyone here on medication?

I've been on medication before and found it really helpful. I only took it for about 6 months, it got me through a really bad bout of depression.

Psychodynamic counselling has a strange background - it has its roots in Freudian and Jungian psychology which is all a bit weird IMO. I dislike counselling that tries to fit in to a particular philosophy. The best counselling I had was from a counsellor who'd had very broad training and admitted herself that she didn't take any particular approach - her aim was to just listen and help. That's the best approach I think. If the counsellor has a particular aim or philosophy in mind I think it can cause them to only listen to parts of what you're saying or to try to get your experiences to fit into a particular framework which I think can be quite damaging really.

What sort of things does she say to you?

I don't like the freudian approach either and did ask that at my first session but she was like Cailin describe and has been led by me. They only time she did a work sheet we lasted about 5mins before I get uncomfortable with it and she stopped it.

I've tried various ad's, it depends on why you're taking them.

Dotty, could you do a pre court preparation thing? don't even know if they have them but a run through of what's going to happen might help. Do you have to be in the court with him?

Earlier this year I went to this woman who said she specializes in bodywork (massage etc) for trauma survivors. She works out of this tiny cramped bedroom. She makes you stand there in the middle of the room, close your eyes, and then centre in on different body parts and describe in detail how you feel about each part. I told her I didn't feel comfortable doing it but she forced me to continue. I told her I really, really didn't want to continue. She was not willing to hear no for an answer. She also mentioned that she can massage INSIDE your vagina as it can help with trauma.

You really do have to be careful about who you go to for "help"

I'll be going to court beforehand hopefully she's doing a check as she's never been to Liverpool before always Preston but if it goes I'll have to watch my video interview/testomony as well and will despite being in a seperate room be able to see him and him me will also be cross examined so it will be tough no 2 ways about it really.

I'm in Langholm at the moment took off after another upset absolutely nothing as well think I might need to go back to dr's didn't want to admit defeat but this can't continue. X

Karma a good counseller let's you lead the session x