Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Also allowed to try to come off the meds in 4 weeks DC suggested going back to Dr if I do that she wont let me try to come off them.

Cailin, you're purposeful as a mum though a change is as good as a holiday as they say.

Dotty, having been on ad's they do say to check with the gp incase of withdrawal symptoms.

My day, trying to sort my issues out. I also became aware of a personal challenge I am to do, hopefully it will help me but I'm just a tad irrationally scared.

It was gp who said I could but not really ready I don't think

Dotty, sorry I came across as a complete arse, just what my gp said to me t'is all. If your gp has already gone through all that all I can say is it's up to you and how you feel, there's a lot to weigh up.

Do you want to come off your meds dotty?

How are you doing Dirona? Did your day go ok?

I wouldn't class myself as a royalist but always a but I'm sad to hear of Prince Phillip taking ill realises I'm probably a royalist

Other than that I've been bonding with ds and mn'ing.

How's your day been?

I did Cailin was doing so well but not anymore think I need them and it's only going to get harder, sounds really pathetic but it really upset me to find out local DC had moved jobs to another town as well.

Hi again, just back late last night from a super weekend with my siblings in London, but geee whizz London stressed me out! So fast! But great to be there for a while and chat to my sister, have dinners with them etc.

I have another therapy session later, really not sure what to talk about, as I look back on last week and I must have seemed like such a ranting mavis/idiot, so yes, not looking forward to it again - you know, the feeling of all attention being on me.HATE that, just feel I'm wasting her time.

But I will keep going for my six sessions and then see.

How are you all today?

Hi Belle, glad you enjoyed London :)

Only 6 sessions? That's not a lot.

Just try and get the most out of it, difficult I know but you are going for the benefit of you and your dh/dc so focus on helping you to help them, iyswim.

I found it easier to get help for me as it was helping my ds to have a happy mum. That's just how I did it though.

How are you feeling now?

Hi Belle, glad you had a good time. You're not wasting your counsellor's time and in fact if you look back and think you were a "ranting mavis" (love that phrase :)) then that's a good thing because it means you're opening up and talking, which is exactly why you're there.

My day is going ok although I have a bad headache. DH is gardening and DS is trying to "help" so I'm mainly on Preventing The Baby From Cracking His Head Open duty.

Aw, sounds lovely Cailin, I am of course reminicing through rose tinted glasses :o

I feel good today. I am free from the restraints of society, free from all the keep yourself safe crap. I know what the real dangers are and I know how to keep myself safe. I'm no longer living under a cloud of fear.

The last couple of nights I have sat out in the field, taking photos of the moon. I have about 20 good ones and 2 fantastic ones.

I wouldn't have done that before my rape because I would've been scared.

That's great Dirona. Out of interest, what do you think has made your fear go away?

My fear hasn't gone, more so that my false protective bubble has burst.

I'm not fooling myself that sticking to certain "rules" will keep me "safe"

I can now risk assess properly, I'm not blinded by misguided fear.

I'll still be scared of people I think.

I won't spend the rest of my life living in that false bubble.

I went on holiday on my own, the worse thing/most dangerous thing to happen was hurricane bawbag. We were unprepared for it but came out unharmed.

wow Dirona, much respect, I have similar fear issue, no way would I be able to sit in a field to watch the moon at night by myself. Sounds like a blissful thing to do, wish I could manage it.

Oh you have all consoled me, thanks Dirona and Caillin, if I think well she is getting paid to hear me complaining, then I guess I can see some logic in going.

According to my brother, mother has told him about my Medication and said SHE thinks she should have taken sthing like that...BIT BLOODY LATE NOW...My brother told her to stop trying to belittle my issues, that her problems were in no way worse than mine (protective brother, lucky me)

eugh

DS having a friend to play today, so I've been busy with getting jobs done around the house. So tired though and no doubt will be even more tired after therapist later.

Anyhow, Dirona, yes, the fear thing is a huge achievement, much respect to you getting over the protective bubble thing, can relate to what you mean, except I dont think I'm over it, but def the medication is helping.

Caillin, hope your headache is easing

PS - am sitting on the floor with my back to a radiator, trying to be soothed by a cup of tea, a biscuit and the sound of the washing machine (while 3 small children play Lego noisily somewhere else in the house)

• it's as close as I will get to bliss today, I feel

It's funny because until 8 months ago I had absolutely no fears now there's times I'm scared of my own shadow

I went through that stage Dotty, am still half there, I'm just seeing the world differently now. How are you doing on the antid thoughts?

Hope therapy goes ok Belle.

Hows the headache Cailin?

My head is much better thanks, you guys are so sweet to ask :)

hrhdirona now posing as mashed poe tay toe

:o

Ha I was just telling DH that I had a hankering for mashed potato! :)

Mashed potato's nice with nutmeg grated in it.

or voidka if you cba :o

Dirona still need them ended up crying intoilet at bingo over a misunderstanding still at it bloody fool

What was the misunderstanding dotty?

Sorry, my post disappeared.

Are you ok, and what happened?

Was over absolutely nothing before we left we said we'd get something to eat once we got here gave him money for books waited in queue for him for ages he was sat down thought I was getting drinks stupid things setting me off again very unhappt ATM can't shift the darkness.