Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Good luck Amitola, we'll send out the search party if we don't hear from you :o

You ok Cailin?

No I'm not ok. You know the "I confronted my rapist" thread, I think you posted on it Dirona, it is making me really angry.

Why?

One shit of a poster is trying to make out the OP is to blame for being raped because she was drunk. I can't believe people still think like that it just makes my blood boil.

My main concern is that the OP doesn't believe her shit.

How would you do that?

I'm challenging what the poster said on the thread, but I admit my anger is getting the better of me. I hope the OP will come back and say how she feels.

Report them its not on that at all.

I'm in a roasting hot hall DD2's college presentation afternoon

Ooh is that going to be great and proud-making, or boring and never ending dotty?

Think a bit of both all the courses are here yikes x

Cailin can you pin point your anger?

Dotty, don't faint, drink plenty of water and rain is heading your way I'm looking at thunder clouds

I feel angry because if people blame others for being raped, then I start blaming myself again. I slip so easily back into that shit. Plus I am fucking shit sick of living in a society where a woman can be so horribly violated and then other WOMEN start saying things like "Ooh you shouldn't have been drunk/alone/wearing a short skirt/eating potatoes/considering washing your hair/ some fucking excuse for why it was the woman's fault.

GAAHHHH!

I found 3 inches of carpet yay! and now i'm bored!
I will have to have a look at that thread when I get a chance (still can't work this site out) Things like that really annoy me too. That's the problem with the internet, idiots can say whatever they want and don't care about the effect it has on people.
My counsellor just called - spooky. Got an appointment for 2 weeks time, so plenty of time to store up loads of issues and bleurghh them all out :o
Must get back to my chores. Damn laptop was staring at me

dotty lol - i thought you meant you were roasting mad as you had to do DD's college presentation Duh on me! Enjoy your afternoon, if at all possible!

some women are harsh Cailin, I havent read that thread, cant bring myself to do it, but I've Been surprised that on MN there are hard hard views on things from WOMEN so you have my understanding on your anger here

Glad you got an appointment amitola, and that the cleaning is going, even if it's going slowly! I get great ideas about tackling the house, last for two minutes and then decide to have tea. I drink a lot of tea!

Belle how are you doing?

I have just had a run with dv neighbour, my housing officer has told him my finances because I complained about recieving his mail. Anyway I called him an abusive twat infront of all his mates and said someone needs to stick up for his girlfriend and baby and that I wasn't scared to confront him about.

Fucking bitch, I'm presuming she has her boss on her side so I'm looking at being homeless again.

The housing officer told him your finances?

dirona - i would make a call to report your housing officer - by telling anyone your finances, that is breach of trust/responsibility. Nevermind telling your personal business to a DV abuser?

cailin- am hanging out with DCs in living room, chatting, watching cartoons and eating chocolate with them. They are great company for me. BUT I've had knots in my stomach still all morning and now. And panicky heartbeats. Geeeee whizzing breathing like a washing machine, as lots of stuff is onviously up at my surface level now, no longer hiding in my subconscious. Therapist this evening at 8.15. DH babysitting.

Seeing my sister this weekend, she lives in London, so am looking forward to getting away by myself,travelling by myself to see her and chill out. Probably will work through a lot of my angst then with her too. She is such a support to me, I am just thankful she survived so much bullshit growing up, and is now in aposition to give two fingers up to my parents - esp my mother - they tried to grind her down daily, but she went far in life and is doing so well, emotionally as well as in 'status'

wish I could just tell my mother what a twat she has been

she chose to lift that bamboo stick, she chose to use it, she chose to keep it behind that bloody sofa.

what the f* was she thinking?!

sorry - angry angry

goijg to take DCs out for a walk before their tea ( more chance they'll eat it if they've had a walk)

long rambling from me again aaagh

Don't be sorry, I'm glad you're talking. I enjoy talking to you, same as I enjoy talking to everyone on this thread. I like "hearing" your voices. Even when it's tough stuff I am glad to hear what you have to say. Always. I might not always be able to reply but I will always, as far as I can, be listening. I am so glad I started this thread because I have met you guys

Anger is a good thing IMO Belle, at least temporarily. Long term it can drain your energy but in the short term it protects you and keeps you focused.

I am so glad you have your sister's support. That is worth so much.

Dirona that is absolutely appaling I'm sure its a breach of the data protection act as well report her. Had trouble ordering DS's pizza tonight after step-sons shenanigans at the weekend we always get him one if where going out to Edinburgh could kill the little shit he's 23 for crying out loud always pay for it before delivery but as soon as I gave her the address she was querying it. Off to pizza hut tonight for a change pizza and salad for £5 until friday sorted.

thanks Cailin

the anger I feel surprises me, as in RL i am the most non confrontational person ever, and dont really bother getting involved. in any social situation. suppose i am one of life's 'avoiders'

my sister reckons things will happen in mother's life now to make her somehow 'accountable' for her actions all those years ago

i thought about it a bit more on the beach walk with DCs and karma must surely play a part - she has very little contact from us her daughters, her son is (closet) gay (i dont see this as a 'failure' in life at all, but I sure know mum does), her own sisters avoid her, bitch about her behind backs, dad is fed up with her, friends are few and far between

I'm not wishing any harm comes to my mother at all, but I wonder why if my sis and I have struggled so much in life emptionally with normal day to day stuff.
seems unfair.

eg it's a real effort for my sister to settle in relationships, she is single 37 and just hates domestic life with any guy, as she says she always thinks a fight wil
start up, even though the guys have all been soooo gentle and lovely, in her head, she cant settle as she equates domestic life with aggro. Sad. But she is happy and content in her own flat, doijg her own thing - she has found that peace that mum is severely lacking at least, mum is the most discontent person I know

so I'm assuming this is partly karma...but I do wonder

Dirona - jealous of your pizza hut feast. Enjoy your evening wont you x

I've asked MNHQ for some guidance on discussing triggering threads on here.

There are a lot of threads on mn which are triggering but being able to discuss them and the causes of triggers is really helpful.

In no way is discussing them meant to be a personal attack but a post may be a specific trigger and talking it out helps to clarify what is triggering and what is being posting and helps us to post outside of the thread in a more helpful manner.

I have chosen not to post on triggering threads.