Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

[CailinDana]

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I'm out tonight usual Tuesday night meal and bingo with DH just waiting on our meals x

Ooh that sounds like fun dotty :)

I barely go out anywhere anymore and now if I do go out I go to non peopley places so I don't put my crapness on others :o

I'm ok with others if place is busy don't really like going.

Dotty. Hope you win at bingo. I go with my Mum frequently. She is far luckier than me!

Avalon. Hope you have a nice night.

Mrsnewname. Welcome xx

About the 'willing' thing. We were manipulated, as said above. We taint ourselves with the blame that should lie with the abusers, not us that were abused.

Plink, you don't have crapness. You are like many of us. Low confidence. Look at me this morning in a total meltdown over a haircut! But, I went. I had lunch myself in a busy restaurant (that was hard). I have resigned myself to a single life. I will never have a partner again.

Well done for going for the haircut TOTU. I find it very hard to force myself to go. Last time I went was last October (I think) and I don't intend going again until at least a year has passed. Are you happy with the cut?

Why do you think you won't have a partner again?

I don't think I'll have a partner again. I'm not normal, stupid, fat, ugly, useless, unworthy, pathetic and tainted/dirty. As well as being opinionated. A complete stranger said I looked like a man hater so I reckon all hope is lost. Doesn't stop me dreaming of weddings. Oh and I had a kid at 16 makes me a socially unacceptable girlfriend, like I'll spread the teenage mum germ around.

Sorry Cailin for butting in

No need to be sorry Plink, you were just answering my question. Thank you for being so honest about how you feel.

What do you think makes you different from people who are "normal"?

Thanks Cailin. The cut is fab. I am so pleased I went and got through it.

I won't have a partner again because after I had been divorced for years and finally dipped my toe into dating again, I got herpes. I admit this because anyone that does a search on my user name will see I've posted about this before.

It's unfortunate and hasn't helped my self confidence. People think it's disgusting.

So it's just me and the kids now. That'll do me.

Plink. Don't apologise! I will type later but I have uniforms to iron and typing on this new phone is hard work. I'll get the Netbook out later.Take care. x

Why am I not normal?

I don't have a firm grounding in my positive personal identity therefore see myself as being a negative personality which is reinforced by social isolation.

Logically I'm social isolated by single parentness and depression and has nothing to do with personality.

I just highly doubt any guy would like me as I'm 33 and none have yet.

Would you like to have a relationship Plink?

Totu, what a twunt he was.

I have yet to have an std check after the last guy, I was fine before him so will just think "you fucking cunted scrotum" if I've got anything.

I got to stop ironing uniforms when DS went grunge :o

Cailin, yes and it hurts not to be in one. I don't think I could have sex again though.

I'm married and have trouble with that side of things plink 3 times in 7 months last time I forced myself to make him cried buckets.

Why don't you think you could have sex Plink?

oh, plink hugs to you.
I dont think you are any of those things, complete strangers are exactly that, strangers. They know fuck all about you. Theyre are the stupid & ugly ones Teenage mums are some of the strongest people Ive ever met.

I have a "dont even think about talking to me" face sometimes. I know pwople must think im miserable. and ive had snide remarks.

I'm 32 Plink, never met a decent man (well if i did i ran to a twattish one instead) and a single mum. I'm going to be isolated and bloody lonely but I still have hope that one day I will meet someone decent.
Try not to lose hope. I'm not too keen on the sex bit at the moment but in a mutually respectful relationship it should be far better.

I have it too Totu. Had no issues with it for years but still feel vile! the twattish ex who gave it to me only told me after the event when it was too late. It is really common though, nothing to be ashamed of. Although i still am so understand

I won't have sex again as I won't waste time on guys who objectify me, I'll build up my own life, enjoy my hobbies, build my career, build my friendships.

If along the way a guy does enter the equation, it'll be a mutual, equal, non objectifying union and love making may be discussed :o as I've never experienced that I have no idea what I'm talking about and am being completely idealistic and fantasist.

sorry xpost loads

Quick reply to say thank you NHAN for sharing that.

I felt tainted by the sexual abuse in my childhood. I married a very abusive man. After divorce I tried to rebuild my self confidence and start again and what did I get? Herpes. Game over for me.

I got raped again, I'm staying an idealist fantasist. Would like to share my life but that'll be with friends.

HELP place is heaving don't like it when its busy but had a nice meal first.

You can do it Dotty, hold DH's hand?