Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

[CailinDana]

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Evening all x
Are you ok Dotty? X

Dotty, I hope you are ok. Hold DH close. Breathe. When I remember to breathe properly it really helps. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

If anyone questions what I'm doing I just say I feel a little sick and need to be quiet for a while.

Good evening to all on this thread.

Plink - it's so easy to write ourselves off isn't it? I'll just 'make do and mend' type of mentality. But it's always there, lurking.

The less sex I have, the less I miss it to be honest.

And to be fair to the ex boyfriend, he didn't realise he had herpes. He had a small spot/scrape beneath his lower lip but it was a coldsore apparently and that is how I got infected. It was unfortunate and we broke up because I just felt so dirty. It was not his fault.

It was just like another blow in an already bashed to fuck life.

Born to be a loser.

You're not a loser Totu, that just sounds like really bad luck, do you think if you weren't a survivor it wouldn't have made you feel dirty?

If I wasn't a survivor. I'd still have felt dirty. Herpes is a stigma. A lifetime virus which affects people very differently. Some have no re-occurences. I am unfortunate in the way I have an outbreak every 4-6 weeks.

How many men would date a woman with herpes? How many men would date a woman with 2 disabled children?

Not many. I literally am UNDATEABLE.

Well, I can always turn to my Amazon buying fetish. . It's just hard sometimes Plink, as you know, and lonely.

Loads of people have herpes though, the cold sore virus? I wouldn't think of anyone as dirty for having it.

I can see where you're coming from re disabled kids but, BIG but, I worked with guys who wouldn't bat an eyelid about that. I don't care about kids labels, they're kids, fabulous, funny and amazing in thier own individual way. Plenty of people don't see the labels and would welcome you all into thier life.

Guys like that are usually found working in that field so you're already in :o

I have herpes, just on my lips, I've had it since I was a child. I don't consider it dirty, just darn uncomfortable when I get coldsores now and again.

Morning all.

Just a quick early check in from me to say thanks for the kind words yesterday. I have nothing to do today apart from cleaning.

Hope everyone is ok. xx

Morning :) It's a bloody horrible morning here, I hope it clears up. DS and I are off to toddler group later, and there is still a heap of cleaning to do (likely to get ignored again!).

Morning Cailin. Enjoy toddler group.

It's cold, wet and windy here. I know my cleaning with be done 'minimalist' style, if you get my drift put everything in a cupboard, shut the door, and waft a duster around

Then I can read a book and catch up on tv.

Morning everyone. It's a miserable day here too. Poor dd came down with D and V last nite so I have a washing and ironing pile the size of everest. Poor litte soul, she's looking ever so sorry or herself.

Morning everyone. It's a miserable day here too. Poor dd came down with D and V last nite so I have a washing and ironing pile the size of everest. Poor litte soul, she's looking ever so sorry or herself.

Was so tired coming home last night nearly crashed the car got home DH turns around and said that I needed to get all those thoughts out of my head as we don't know where you are these days and that I'd hardly spoken all night.

I know he worries but its enough for me to think what's the point anymore they really would be better off if I wasn't here.

Dotty they would certainly not be better off with out. Are you able to have a chat with your DH about how you are feeling?
I'm here if you fancy a chat x

morning everyone.

Dotty sounds like an exhausting night. Does your husband want you to open up to him more? It sounded like an invite to talk?
Your family would not be better off without you.
take it easy today x

Its ok knew it was coming been to easy a massive crash always follows it.

I don't mean better off with out me altogether just leaving and me being alone.

I don't believe for one second Dotty that your family would be better off without you.
Are you able to have a relaxing day today? Or do something that's just for you? X

I don't believe for one second Dotty that your family would be better off without you.
Are you able to have a relaxing day today? Or do something that's just for you? X

Sorry to hear your little girl isn't well Dontknow, poor thing. How's she doing now?

A big [HUG] for you dotty. It's hard and it's shit, and it can seem like it's not worth it any more, but it is. I'm so sorry you had such a bad night, do you want to talk about what's going through your head?

Thanks Cailin. She's managed an hour without vomiting and had a couple of sips of water. She's fast asleep on me on the sofa, on the bright side I get to have a lazy day without feeling guilty. Only problem, I'm choking for a ciggie but don't dare move her

How's your day?

My day's going grand, DS had a great time at toddlers, although the place was absolutely rammed, which is unusual, and so there were some fights about toys and a few minor meltdowns. He's asleep at the moment. The cat is now whining at me, presumably in the hopes of getting something other than her cat food (thanks for that DH - why did you ever give them raw meat??), and sadly for her it's just not going to happen. I must do some housework this afternoon, the place is just getting grotty now.

Dotty, how are you doing?

Oh cailin my cats the same, has a taste for raw mince and cooked chicken, he has higher standards than me
Glad you're having a good day.

DontKnow, sorry your wee ones ill, I've just caved after 2 days on the e-cig and had a real one, feel very sick.

Cailin, bless, I remember the toddler days :o tin of pole and line tuna works for cats and less crap than specific cat food.

Dotty, I'm reading between the lines here. Do you want to be with your DH? if you take away the abuse stuff, is your DH the one you want to be with? If he is you need to be honest with him about how you are coping and tell him everything you're feeling, xx

Yes I do Plink at least when I'm in good times feel he deserves better when I'm down. He doesn't feel that way its me. He wouldn't understand he sees the old me and then thinks I'm fine again but its a rollercoaster and I've told him that went to bed for 3 hours and he thought that made me feel better its not just the tiredness but the bizarre dreams are back this time I've remembered them and its recurring dreaming of staircases with no handrails and me freaking out.

Are you around dotty? How are you doing?

Plink - I've given the cats tuna now and again but it often makes them ill, I think it's a bit too rich for them. Or maybe they just overeat it because they love it so much (they take after their human mummy in that trait!).

X-posted dotty, that's a bit weird!