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Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

999 replies

CailinDana · 16/04/2012 17:38

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
Dandelionclock · 03/05/2012 09:55

Ta for the hug and morning all. Slept a bit better last night, due, I'm sure, to having somewhere to put all this stuff that's clogging up my brain, so a big Thanks to you all.

Does anyone else have experience of being in touch with your abuser/perpetrator and how do you manage it? I think one of the things that I feel guilty/confused about is having stayed in touch with my family, although in reality, as a child, that option was taken out of my hands. The more I think about it now though, the more uneasy I feel. Especially as I have DD5 and DS4 and I want to protect them.

Oh, and more big hugs to everyone, especially as lots of you are having tough times at the moment. Still catching up with the thread so still not completely up to date with everyone, but will catch up!

Original poster
CailinDana · 03/05/2012 10:33

I'm glad you slept a bit better Dandelion.

I don't have to see my abuser any more thank god. All I can say it about is that you shouldn't feel any obligation to maintain contact with your family. What do you think makes you feel guilty about maintaining contact? How would you feel about cutting them out completely?

OP posts:
Berts · 03/05/2012 13:08

Hi Dandelion and welcome! Glad you feel this could be a safe space for you x

The fact that you are now becoming overwhelmed by stuff could - perversely enough - be because you've come through years of therapy, you've broken the abusive relationship pattern and you feel safer. I'm going through something a bit similar - it's like when you've had a cold threatening for ages, but you're working hard and then as soon as you take a couple of days off, it's as if your body goes 'okay, I can be ill now!'.

When you were a kid, the only way to cope was to find a way of living with your brother and having a relationship with him and the rest of your family, in spite of what he'd done. Now that you're in a healthier place, your mind is rebelling against this conflict (you don't want to see him, yet you still do).

Maybe it's time to find a new way of dealing with things? You don't have to have a relationship with your brother now, or any other member of your family. Maybe don't contact them for a while, give yourself space to think about what you want.

And welcome back, Don'tKnow - hope your DD is getting better. GPs are crap, aren't they - I had a blood test today, to find out why I'm feeling so ill, and I can't have an appointment to get the results until 17th May! Think I will just ring them every day until I get a phoner.

Berts · 03/05/2012 13:10

Positive stuff today: I had to fast for my blood test, so I bought a giant cake on the way home Grin.

Going to cook and puree some fresh veg for my spudling, so I can stop feeding her out of jars (ran out of freezer food and been feeling too rotten to cook, then beating myself up - the cycle stops here!) x

Original poster
CailinDana · 03/05/2012 13:28

Positive stuff for me: I've just eaten a packet of crisps Grin. I know it's not much but it's something. I'm going to end up very fat after this!

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 03/05/2012 13:34

That crisps thing seems a bit pathetic. I'm having a very demotivated day today. I was supposed to be taking DS out to meet some friends but I couldn't get myself organised and now he's ended up having a late nap so we can't budge. Blah.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 03/05/2012 13:39

Afternoon just woken up been sleeping the last couple of hours had the bright idea of going to bed early cause I was wiped out was awake half the night gave up at 3.30 done all my ironing and housework wiped out again thought I'd got over this already oops.

DS came home at lunch burning up looks like he's got it as well he's away to Glasgow on Tuesday for residential better be better.

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 03/05/2012 14:27

Berts, thats very true, I got to a healthy/safe place in my life, relax a little bit and bam, breakdown. It took a couple of years to finally have my brain remember so I handled it very badly. apologies also for the fred that went poof but the op dismissed child abuse as serious Blush

Today I have nattered, much inspired by you guys Thanks and had a fun day, also will finally admit to being quite grossly fat and am going to diet.

Berts · 03/05/2012 14:31

Ah Cailin, some days are successful, some are not so just write this one off and start again tomorrow Smile

I'm feeling very lazy myself, so am mostly eating a cake and watching a film - really will start peeling those veggies soon, but I think I might do itin front of the telly! Sooo lazy.......................

Original poster
CailinDana · 03/05/2012 14:42

I hope your son feels better soon dotty. Sorry to hear you had such a hard night.

What was that thread all about Coffee? I missed it.

Yes, I definitely think this day is a write off Berts. I'm consoling myself with the fact that I've just put a batch of clothes in the drier. That's my contribution to the world for today!

OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 03/05/2012 15:27

Cailin, twas a spinoff fred from Berts all good men fred. Twas a bit mra/radfem. The men didn't want to post if women were posting, was there this morning but gone now, I posted twice :o didn't think it'd all be deleted. Think I've annoyed a few posters not sure who though as RL got in the way.

dottyspotty2 · 03/05/2012 16:05

Just back from my meds review at dr's can try to reduce in 2 months to every other day last time I saw her 7 weeks ago I was told at least another year. She has helped so much with the case by sending lots of my files down she was only asked for 4 letters by DC. I thanked her for everything but she said she couldn't take away the failures from years ago and wanted to help me get some justice. Don't need to go back for 3 months.

Original poster
CailinDana · 03/05/2012 16:34

Sounds fighty coffee :)

It's great you have such a good doctor dotty. It sounds like she's very happy with your progress, which is great news.

OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 03/05/2012 16:50

Dotty, do you think you'd be able to bring a case against the doctors for their failures. Not necessarily for damages but to ensure the same mistakes aren't made? It's probably too much to think about atm but I'm thinking of something in regards to the court system in my case. Glad they think you're doing well enough to come off the meds soon, x

dottyspotty2 · 03/05/2012 17:10

Coffee things are different now this happened nearly 30 years ago even at 17 when I first mentioned , it was different nowadays it would have had to be reported the DC told me she was disgusted that no-one tried to get me to report it back then .so much has changed for the better to protect children in the last 20 years and it is improving constantly. I don't even know if one of the dr's the consultant is still living from what I remember he was older. Do what's right for you no-one can make that decision but you. She asked how I felt about the meds I told her I wanted off them but she reckons it's to soon you have to understand that I never wanted meds as I felt it was a massive failure on my part and I told my Dr this she is amazing she's been my Dr for nearly 18 years and our children are the same age. xx

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 03/05/2012 17:52

Thanks Dotty, I was asking to see if the right system is in place to protect children now and you have been given the reassurance that it is.
I don't know what meds you're on but I think they are probably helping if the doctors are ok, sometimes the meds are helping more than you realise but it is difficult to accept you need them to help you out a bit. Staggered withdrawal is better aswell so you don't get side effects.

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 03/05/2012 17:54

"doctors are ok with it"

PinkParasol · 03/05/2012 19:45

Hi! Just come back after my first post - I wrote it and then couldn't bring myself to look again.....but have now, and thanks for the support.

Feeling good at the moment....summer has arrived and I have had a lovely day with DD in the park (she is nearly 1).

It has been hard to read all the posts on here but I have noticed a few of you dedicated to losing some weight? I have LOTS to lose Blush so can I crash that party? I have no time to exercise and I just can't stop eating! Help!

Wishing you all a happy Thursday Smile

Original poster
CailinDana · 03/05/2012 20:02

Hi Pink, welcome back :) I remember your name but I'm afraid I've completely forgotten your original post.

I'm glad you're feeling good :)

I could do with losing some weight. I got used to eating big lunches and dinners when I was breastfeeding and then when I stopped the weight just piled on. Mainly though I could do with more exercise.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 03/05/2012 20:06

Why the fuck do I get my hopees up that everythings hunky dory would be alright if I had family here

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 03/05/2012 20:06

Welcome back Pink :o

Definately join in on losing weight. I don't weigh myself as I get competitive with the scales and don't know when to stop. I'm a 16/18 and would like to be a 12. I'd suggest walking cos you can do it with your DD in the stroller and maybe pilates?

Original poster
CailinDana · 03/05/2012 20:10

What's happening dotty?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 03/05/2012 20:11

Welcome back pink I need to lose weight creeping back up again swore I'd bnever put it back on againx

dottyspotty2 · 03/05/2012 20:14

dickhead [h] and my stupid friggin cousin [who I thought was on my side]have been trying to get 'the story' in the paper he doesn't think he's done fuck all wrong just as I get over something I get thrown off again

Original poster
CailinDana · 03/05/2012 20:18

Sorry dotty, do you mean your husband and cousin don't believe that your brother did anything wrong?

OP posts: