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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

999 replies

CailinDana · 16/04/2012 17:38

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 18/04/2012 15:30

How are you feeling at the moment dotty?

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 15:35

I'm just really flat at the moment Cailin once I get through the next few weeks and know what's happening I hope I'll be fine.

Original poster
CailinDana · 18/04/2012 15:39

What are you waiting to find out? Stuff about the court case?

OP posts:
PlinkPaSta · 18/04/2012 15:58

Dotty, I thought you'd say that :) you do need to be honest with him, about everything concerning how you feel, there's alot of info for spouses of abuse survivors, I'm sure he'd be relieved to share more of the load with you. It's hard, the negativity is hard but maybe he can help coming from a clearer/non abused perspective.

Cailin, I'm absolutely crying with laughter at your cats, in a good way, cheeky buggers, tell them they're getting 1/4 of a tin and thats it :o don't get the tins in brine though!

dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 16:55

That's it Plink I don't really know how I really feel myself its so up and down atm I can't tell him I'm reliving things in my mind can I.

I told him the full story when I first disclosed. He was also abused but is fine why the hell aren't I.

Cailin yes I'm still waiting to see if its enough to take to court in a way I hope its not cause it will be over not set me back again.

Original poster
CailinDana · 18/04/2012 17:16

Ah I see dotty. Don't feel bad that your DH is ok and you're not - everyone reacts differently. Do you know what sort of abuse he suffered? How likely does your DC think it is that it'll go to court?

I just want to say to anyone out there who might be lurking and wanting to post, please do. I know it seems a bit cliquey but we're always willing to listen and talk to someone new.

OP posts:
PlinkPaSta · 18/04/2012 17:30

Hugs to lurkers.

Dotty, everyone reacts differently, I'm sorry your DH was abused too. You can tell him how you're feeling, it's ok. I often get overwhelming feelings and they go when I've talked about them. Honestly, I'm worried about you driving, I was a cyclist but had to give up after a few "blackout" near misses. Please talk here or to your DH about it, xx

PlinkPaSta · 18/04/2012 17:32

I'm sorry if that sounded patronising.

What are you reliving?

dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 17:37

It was just pure tiredness Plink catch up from driving so much last week then doing to much because I thought I was over it. Should of known earlier in week only last night I realised it was coming. Slept today for over 4 hours in chair early this morning and went back to bed.

Cailin yes I do know ex army man he got jailed for sexually abusing young boys his mums answer was to put him in care then moved away.

dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 17:39

The counselling sessions, the interview phonecalls with DC's etc. I overanalize everything that's a massive problem.

Original poster
CailinDana · 18/04/2012 18:00

Would it help to talk about about what you're analysing dotty?

OP posts:
PlinkPaSta · 18/04/2012 18:13

I over analyse too Dotty. It's normal, good to talk it out.

PlinkPaSta · 18/04/2012 20:55

I'm feeling shittedly crap for all the stuff I lost when I had my breakdown. I've loads of little keepsakes from when DS was little, all my plants, all my cooking stuff, videos of my late granpa, my portfolio, little treasures I'd picked up over the years. I just upped and left it all, I was so depressed I didn't know that I wouldn't kill myself. I was preparing to kill myself but DS didn't have anyone I could leave him with. I hate I lost everything and lost DS's belief that I'd always be there for him.

Original poster
CailinDana · 18/04/2012 21:19

You were ill Plink. You didn't do any of that on purpose. It is really sad that you lost those things :(

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 21:37

You weren't to blame Plink sometimes things don't work out as we want if your ill you aren't always in control xx

PlinkPaSta · 18/04/2012 22:26

Thankyou, I know I wasn't to blame, just makes me realise how ill I was. How desperate I was for the pain to end. If I didn't have DS I wouldn't be here. But I do have DS, he needs his mum, I need to get better and fight this so I can enjoy my future and his future.

I can see his future, see him happy but can't see mine, even though I'm talking a good talk, I just can't see happiness for me except DS. But maybe thats enough for me, just being happy being a mum.

dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 22:31

I was there last year kids stopped me carrying it out but at the time I thought their older so didn't need me I lost so much weight as well had to promise DS's SW that I wouldn't let it get as bad as 20 odd years ago was also set targets in January by my dr I was fitting into DD2's clothes and apart from being big chested she's tiny.

When I have bad times I still think it always the same way as well.

NHAN · 18/04/2012 23:16

:(
After years of fighting for people to believe I was abused, being called a liar, attention seeker, mentally ill, brain washed etc etc, now nobody will ever believe me again.
All that fighting and i'm now back where i started, back in my original family. I was so focused on getting away from them that I fell prey to someone even worse and now the only way out is to get help from my mother and sister.
I look like a mad lying bastard! They are just saying we won't talk about it but its not that easy for me. Unfortunately I do need their help, well my mother to be a guarantor for me. My sister means well but is very controlling so my sense of freedom has gone and I now feel trapped by her.
I know i'm not meant to care but i'm really worried everyone will now think i made it all up. I've never lied about any of it, in fact I can't lie to save my life.
I'm doing all of this for my children. Having spent so many years in my ex's family I know mine are the safest bet as relatives for my children. That is very scary really, considering everything that happened in my childhood. His family are far more twisted and evil, whereas mine are batty and I would never let my children anywhere near my father but i feel safer.
My mother did say i can just accept their help for now and when i'm back on my feet if i don't want them around thats fine so we'll see.

You all believe me don't you? My inner child is very sad now and would quite like to stay on this thread even though the rest of me has to focus on everything else

PlinkPaSta · 18/04/2012 23:29

I believe you Nhan, do try and stay posting, I had to ask for help from my family because there was no one else. Stay strong, protect your littley's. I wish I could give you and your inner a child a safe family. You can have that here, you can have it as a safe haven and you can fight for it for your RL. Do fight Nhan, keep strong.

From my inner child, I believe you, x

PlinkPaSta · 18/04/2012 23:29

I believe you Nhan, do try and stay posting, I had to ask for help from my family because there was no one else. Stay strong, protect your littley's. I wish I could give you and your inner a child a safe family. You can have that here, you can have it as a safe haven and you can fight for it for your RL. Do fight Nhan, keep strong.

From my inner child, I believe you, x

dottyspotty2 · 18/04/2012 23:40

So do I NHAN we all do what really matters is you know it happened the hell with all those with ostrich syndrome x

TheMistsOfAvalon · 18/04/2012 23:46

Sorry haven't posted today this is first chance I've had to catch up! Can't stay long either.

I 100% believe you NHAN. 10000000000000000000000000000000000% Don't be ashamed of needing help. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do what is necessary. You haven't compromised your integrity in any way. Stuff those who don't believe you! We do and we know the truth.

TheMistsOfAvalon · 18/04/2012 23:52

Plink and dottySad I don't know what to say. I've had bad thoughts many times - thinking everyone would be better off without me, I'm so pathetic etc. I too think of DS's.

You are both so precious and the world needs empathetic caring people like you. You are not hopelessly broken. You have both been really helpful to me and others reading this thread.(hugs)

TheMistsOfAvalon · 18/04/2012 23:57

I'll doodle around a bit if anyone wants to talk (although DP is rather irritatingly awake and wanting 'quiet time')

I can just type nonsense for a while if that helps anyone.

dottyspotty2 · 19/04/2012 00:03

I'm still up DH aint happy with me as he asked what was wrong as I'm hardly speaking and told him I'm fine his answer is that it your fine.