New relationship and he can't perform

[DissatisfiedDeirdre]

I've met someone a couple of months ago who is lovely, gorgeous, sexy, wonderful etc.

We have tried to have sex a couple of times and it's been a disaster. He doesn't get fully hard, loses his erection during intercourse and can't ejaculate. He has put this down to having had too much to drink on the occasions we've tried to have sex but I don't think this is really the problem. He doesn't seem to realise he's not fully erect so I think he's possibly always had this problem. I can hardly tell him what other penis' feel like though.

He takes citalopram which I think is probably the main cause of his sex issues.

I could really fall in love with him but I don't want to be in a sexless relationship. He is staying over tonight and although I'm really looking forward to spending the evening with him and sharing a bed I am dreading the sex part.

The kissing and touching is lovely, but it either leads nowhere and we go to sleep (and I feel frustrated) or we have 10 minutes of thrusting, apologising and then awkwardness. I am being sensitive but it is obvious that he feels under pressure to perform and I feel frustrated, which are both making the problem worse probably.

We don't just do penetrative sex but I can't climax with him because I don't feel turned on while he is so obviously not aroused.

I've suggested seeing his GP which didn't go down too well.

It's a bit harsh to end a relationship for this reason especially when everything else is so good. It's a problem for me though and as far as I can tell it's not much of a big issue for him.

I'm utterly stunned.

Repent at leisure I guess.

I've just read them back Turniphead. I wanted to see where I'd said I don't fancy him that much. I was humiliated and I still am. I can't change what he said but I can at least stand up for myself and walk away. I will feel an idiot in front of all of them if I let him get away with it.

I do fancy him. He makes me feel weak with longing outside of the bedroom.

I don't trust him anymore though and I don't think I ever will again. I can't have a relationship with a man I can't trust, I know that. He does have a drink problem as well. We woke up at 6am this morning and he took a bloody great swig out of the vodka bottle to 'freshen his mouth up' .

I'm sad though. It was all so bloody good before we had sex. The drink problem is a separate thing and a deal-breaker all on it's own.

I will tell him tomorrow that it's over.

He was drinking vodka at 6am??

Seriously you do not want this excuse for a man in your life. It you don't get rid soon his flaccid mushroom cock will be the least of your problems

the 6am vodka is pretty shocking imo
alcoholics can often be very manipulative, good at drawing people in to their personal drama's.
I really hope you can distance yourself from the sick with longing feeling and stop engaging with this man

And what Geordieminx said.

Seriously love. Do yourself a favour and get rid. All this angst in such a short period of time is never going to end well, honestly.

He makes me feel weak with longing outside of the bedroom

He also makes you feel frustrated weak with longing inside the bedroom too because he can't get it up.

However, despite being unable to perform, Mr mushroom cock Floppy has boasted to his pervy mate that you are 'gagging for it' and has also made disparaging comments about your previously hairy bush.

And that, my dear, is UNFORGIVABLE.

Mr Pervy has no doubt broadcast the embellished details to the neighbourhood and pretty soon there'll be a queue outside your door.

FFS get the next train out of giroland and come back to civilisation London.

Izzy you do make me

I know, seriously I do, he is bad news and I need to get shot.

I've been sitting here tonight wondering how to broach the citalopram situation with him and have decided it's not my problem. I have said over and over that he needs to see a doctor about his meds/drinking/sexual dysfunction but he won't. I'll tell him tomorrow that we're finished so he can decide whether to start taking them again or not. By talking about my pubic hair he has given me the perfect excuse to end it without having to be cruel about his sex problems.

I know a lot of people would be cruel, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am an idiot but I do still care about him . He did some really nice things for me when we were first going out, gets on brilliant with DS, he's generous and he used to make me feel absolutely great. On the flip side he has loads of issues, a big mouth and a bunch of cunts for friends. It's not worth the hassle for a relationship that's been going for a couple of months only.

As for this group of friends, they are a laugh, but it wouldn't surprise me if I turned on the Jeremy Kyle show some time in the future to see them all on it . I'm in a lovely little pocket of the country and most people are terrific, it's just this block of flats that seems to attract twats (and I include myself in that).

Thanks everyone. Sorry I had a wobble last night. I was half-pissed when he turned up and I wanted to make it up with him. No vodka left now and no plans to buy more so won't be making that mistake again. Plus I have my gorgeous boy back to keep me company

Loving Izzy's strikethroughs (again!). OP I think your very brave to come back and confess to the nest of vipers!

I've only lurked so far but really wanted to comfort you over the hairy minge controversy. It really seems like out of everything it's the fact that he told people you hadn't waxed that caused you the most humiliation. Now I'm an old fart - the most we did was have a wee trim before swimming (mn has taught me things are very different these days. I mean Jesus, the thread where the heavily pregnant woman was panicking about the midwife seeing her unshaven bits ffs - that was an eye opener)

I'll get to the point. As someone who has been embarrassed, ashamed, mortified and beetroot on many occasions, it finally dawned on me that something's only embarrassing because you think it is. As soon as you laugh at the situation it's not embarrassing any more. It's an anecdote. People laugh with you. There's whole threads in mn classics Far Worse than thana bit of vulvic fur.

Besides all that, you sound really nice - you deserve an equal partnership (on all fronts!) not someone you have to carry.

Lovely post tallwivglasses

On the flip side he has loads of issues, a big mouth and a bunch of cunts for friends

You can add Mr Floppy and an alcohol problem to that and stick it inside your wardrobe door

Vulvic Fur, tall? Isn't that a brand of mineral water?

It could be worse, Dee - I was running another book on the chances of you reporting back that Mr pisshead Floppy had secreted a webcam in your bedroom and Mr Pervy had uploaded your reunion to a sleazy t'internet site.

As it happens, I was ready to console you with the thought at least your new 'do' would show your minge to advantage give the lie to at least one of Mr Floppy's claims

However, I note that although you've only known this alcoholic man for a couple of months you've already introduced to him to your ds.

Tut, tut. That is so NOT on. Please don't make a habit of it.

tallwivglasses, you have made me cry a bit in a good way. Thank you, you lovely woman

You are right, what he said isn't really embarrassing logically. I feel far more ashamed that I trusted someone enough to sleep naked next to them (I'm not referring to the sex, just the vulnerability aspect of letting a man share my bed while I slept who turned out to be a piss-taker) than what he actually said about me. It's the stuff that hasn't been repeated that worries me most. He kept commenting on how 'wet' I was and 'joked' that I was a filthy bitch and that is really bothering me now. I really do hate the idea of his friends getting off/laughing/perving over how I behave sexually.

It is also such a fucking cheek. I know things about his friends and their wives through exbf yet I had to sit and listen to my normal, healthy sexual behaviour being discussed as if I have something to be ashamed of. I won't repeat the things I know to these people as it would cause such a massive fallout and I don't want any part of that.

I'm not a slag and I'm not filthy. I have had sex with one man since I came out of a 15 year relationship with DS's father. I didn't invite these other men in to my bedroom and I'm furious that they are privy to this really private part of my life. I wouldn't discuss my sex life with my own friends to this degree.

How fucking dare he do that to me!

Last night I let it go because I wanted it all to go away. I wanted to believe it was just a few silly comments but it wasn't - it was a horrible, cruel betrayal and I would never (still wouldn't) do it to him.

And I am better than him. I can do better than him.

He is short, has missing teeth, a beer gut, a receding hairline and rubbish clothes. He is also notoriously thick, and that is really going some considering the stupid bastards he associates with. I don't need to go into the mess he is in in the pants department.

I've never been confident about the way I look but I know I am better than him. I've got a nice home and a decent quality of life. I have good friends back in London. I've had good men in my life that wouldn't have done this to me.

I'm just so angry that I trusted him when he totally didn't deserve it. God, what a bastard!

Oh Izzy, he is way too thick to set up a webcam. He cannot even text. Seriously, he doesn't know how to do it. I thought he was taking the piss at first, but no, really, he can't do it. What a thicko!

He knows DS because we were friends before we got together. DS doesn't know we were in a 'relationship'.

I totally agree with you that that would be soooooo not on

He IS a bastard Deirdre.
I used to work in a sex chatline office and the number of callers who used to ask me if i shaved down there.
I never have and i wont until it is expected of men as much as it is expected of women.
Sometimes i did ask them and the answer was usually "No why would i" Yet the attitude from them is its unhygenic if a woman doesnt shave but its not unhygenic if they dont.
Basic sexual sexism.
And Deirdre what he did to you by telling his mates you are hairy is sick in my opinion. I would have spilled the beans if he had done that to me.

I think calling him a bastard is giving him too much status!!
he's a worthless maggot, so far beneath you that you should need an electron microscope to even know he's there

"yet I had to sit and listen to my normal, healthy sexual behaviour being discussed as if I have something to be ashamed of."

Exactly. So if the subject comes up you hold your head high, shrug, smile and say, "So, I'm a normal red-blooded female. If he can't cope with that, it's his problem..." then maybe do the wiggly little finger thing

Ain't tall just absolutely goddam wonderful? She always has a kind word and a self-deprecating anecdote for those in need unlike moi.

It's the stuff that hasn't been repeated that worries me most.

Honey, you must know that all of the things he said to you in the bedroom last night and every other night he's failed to perform will have been related to his moronic pervy pals

He's used all of those strictly private and confidential intimate conversations that a gentleman never reveals to big himself up by regaling his mates with tales of the hot wet insatiable filthy bint who's gagging for his miniscule, flaccid dick

Of course you're not a slag - but that's the way he's portrayed you to his pals and, after last night's 'reunion', he's convinced that he can talk you into more inaction any time he chooses.

FGS, do womankind a favour and send this retard back to the planet of the apes where he can beat his saggy man boobs breast and drag his knuckles on the ground with others of his ilk - although I reckon the late Guy the Gorilla of London Zoo could have taught him a thing or two thousand about the social graces.

On second thoughts, the apes don't deserve to have this piece of gobshite in their midst and you're best advised to kick him into orbit around planet offufuck.

Funnily enough, when I began reading this thread I thought to myself "ooh shame, she likes him and I don't know anything about him and I guess the guy has a problem so I feel sorry for him and don't want to be mean, but I bet because of his inadequacies he goes on to insult her" and lo and behold a couple of pages of posts later he turns out to be abusive.

I'm not trying to be clever, in fact I could only predict that because my ex had exactly the same behaviour pattern and issues.

Please don't do what I did and try and make it all alright because you've convinced yourself that you really like him. You will end up absolutely miserable.

I'm pleased that you're at the angry stage, stick to it and dump him completely. He is not worthy of you and deserves no more of your thinking time. Don't bother to analyse this waste of space any further.

And for what it's worth, you don't have to justify to anyone how many men you've slept with, if you want to sleep with 1000 men it's your business.

On second, second, thoughts, the next time you see this plankton floating into your line of vision just look down your nose at him with utter disdain and contempt and wiggle your little finger at him - at the very least you'll be 'talking' to him in language that he can understand.

And get fucking righteously and indignantly mad - and make fucking damn sure you get even. How fucking DARE HE treat you - glorious, amazing, womanly, you - with such disrespect.

Now go kick his sorry droopy ass into orbit, gal... the shame is on him, honey, and it's down to you to rub his rosy red broken veined alcoholic's nose in it.

Publicly expose his inability to keep it up perform, pour scorn on the miniscule size of his dick, deride his lack of knowledge of how to satisfy a woman sexual finesse, ... and forever more refer to him as Mr Floppy the inept Phantom Fumbler whenever his name is mentioned except when ds is within earshot

I reckon you just did it to neutralise the pain of what he did. You were gutted at the time and he offered you a partial get out clause, which you took. I don't blame you at all.

I hate the act of chalking one up, but it does happen. So what that, I think you should pick up your knickers, apply fresh lippy and get on back out there.

And maybe, get some of that body confidence back. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Glad to have ridden this rollercoaster with you for a bit x I'd have done exactly the same, and have done many a time. Well. you know!

Seriously, why on earth did you give him another night of ammunition to take the piss with his mates again??????

Because now the fact that you had your period will be on the next round of disparaging and offensive jokes about you. Yes, this man takes the piss out of you.

Besides, drinking at 6am is an IMMEDIATE deal breaker.

i love that turn of phrase....kick him into orbit around planet offufuck i love it.

good advice and beautifully phrased.

and you have to refer to him now only as Mr Floppy. This inadequate little man deserves nothing more. He sounds so nasty, giggling away with his mates behind your back - twat of highest order and does not deserve discretion. he blew that.
and he is an alcoholic. jesus. just dont go there. Find some resolve woman! When you see him remember what he said and how its made you feel - and fuck him right off! while wiggling that little finger