New relationship and he can't perform

[DissatisfiedDeirdre]

I've met someone a couple of months ago who is lovely, gorgeous, sexy, wonderful etc.

We have tried to have sex a couple of times and it's been a disaster. He doesn't get fully hard, loses his erection during intercourse and can't ejaculate. He has put this down to having had too much to drink on the occasions we've tried to have sex but I don't think this is really the problem. He doesn't seem to realise he's not fully erect so I think he's possibly always had this problem. I can hardly tell him what other penis' feel like though.

He takes citalopram which I think is probably the main cause of his sex issues.

I could really fall in love with him but I don't want to be in a sexless relationship. He is staying over tonight and although I'm really looking forward to spending the evening with him and sharing a bed I am dreading the sex part.

The kissing and touching is lovely, but it either leads nowhere and we go to sleep (and I feel frustrated) or we have 10 minutes of thrusting, apologising and then awkwardness. I am being sensitive but it is obvious that he feels under pressure to perform and I feel frustrated, which are both making the problem worse probably.

We don't just do penetrative sex but I can't climax with him because I don't feel turned on while he is so obviously not aroused.

I've suggested seeing his GP which didn't go down too well.

It's a bit harsh to end a relationship for this reason especially when everything else is so good. It's a problem for me though and as far as I can tell it's not much of a big issue for him.

OMG! What a twat! Him and his mate are hilarious - like 13 year -olds having sex for the first time. Why don't you discuss with best friend's wife? Sure she'll be impressed by her excitable hubby.
Seriously, I am a believer in 'turn the other cheek' but not in this instance, please stand up for yourself - not in a bitchy, bitter way but in a thoughtful, mature way, as other posters have suggested. You'll have the upper hand and you can then close the book.

Ring the Daily Mail. Woman has pubic hair and enjoys sex.
In fact, ring the police.

What an absolute CUNT that man is. Trying to blame his inadequacy and shit performance on you.

Wax, schmax - did he make sure he'd had a back, sac, and crack, before pretending he was capable of bedding you? Nah, thought not as that would only serve to make his gential shortcomings immediately apparent.

Repeat Piglet's explanation to your friends and next time you see the lesser endowed twat in company, wait until he's with his mates, paste a big smile on your face, sashay up to him, wiggle your little finger at him, and return to your coterie pals before bursting out laughing.

Your mantra is 'je ne regrette rien', honey, although there will be no shame in admitting to your nearest and dearest pals that you bitterly regret wasting your time on someone who hasn't been capable of getting it up for years although, judging from the size of it, maybe he did but you didn't have a magnifying glass handy

Btw, expect considerable interest from assorted shag hungry males in coming weeks as word gets around of your insatiable lust

I would not let it go no - I would tackle him about it in a calm way and tell him that I was very puzzled as to why he felt the need to talk about me in that fashion to anyone and ask him whether it was because he felt he felt threatened by a normal woman's sexual response because of his obvious sexual problems. Also tell his friend that is an absolute tool for repeating it back to you, it makes him sound like a teenage virgin.

Also I don't get the problem with public hair, it is complete mystery why all of a sudden some men are acting like there is something abnormal about it. This is the second time I have said this on MN is as many days but it bears repeating...pubes are normal!

What. A. Cunt. :(

He is so obviously trying to lash out and project his own shame onto you because you've seen not just his sexual inadequacy but his inadequacy as an adult, as a man so weak and unmanly that he won't address his issues and difficulties.

Don't let him shame you OP. You're a normal, healthy, sexy, brave woman. The shame is all his.

I've just phoned him. I know I shouldn't have really, but I am steaming angry and hurt and wanted him to know it.

He denied it at first. He was SURE he'd said nothing about me. Then when I came out with specifics he admitted to being 'grilled' by the tosspot upstairs and he told him 'to show off a bit' and it's his business if he tells his mates he can't come. I don't care who knows about his inadequacies, but I really do care that his friends think I'm hairy. God, that is mortifying. I am trying to be mature about this, but they are not mature and I feel like I'm being discussed as some kind of sex-crazed beast.

Didn't really get anywhere with him. He did say sorry and then kept repeating (as I bollocked him more) that he had already apologised to me. So that's it then. He is far too gutless to get in touch again.

Oh, and he warned me to stay away from his pervy mate as he reckons he'll be 'in my knickers by the weekend'. Fucking charming aint it?

Cunts!

Urgh, what wankers.

Vote for piglet's suggestion, after all this I just couldn't rise above it and would at least need to spill the beans to female friends.

As for the lewd friend, perhaps you might suggest that since he is so interested in his friend's performance he might like to shag him himself (after a back, sac and crack of course) and see how he fares?

Love your post about the tiny cock and balls, the thread started all polite about him but the truth has now come out!

Do not wax ffs, so what if people know you don't, is not a big deal (Except for wankers like these).

I hope you said in response "Well maybe he'll know what to do when he gets in them. Maybe I'll be able to feel it. Maybe I won't have to ask if it is in yet."

He's a lying fucker. The problem isn't that he can't come (which is what he's telling his mates), the problem is that he can't get it up. Doesn't sound so much to shout about now, does it?

I'd be tempted to take out an ad in the local paper personally - what an absolute shit to do that to you.

Dozer, I've had the wax now and feel better for it. I suppose I did do it because of what he said, but it's my usual 'bikini style' and I'm most comfortable like this.

I know an ex-gf of his shagged all his mates after she finished with him and I'm wondering if she did it because he 'complimented' her to them. I certainly feel like making him jealous in that way, although I won't. I would very much regret that and I do want to preserve my dignity.

Ha, exbf is certainly not groomed. He was a bit of rough. ExP was a 'clean machine', always scrubbing his nails and obsessing over his nostril hair. This one was the opposite and I liked it. Funnily enough ExP didn't expect any kind of grooming from me. I thought I could relax even more with this one.

Gay, if the bloke upstairs wasn't such a creepy turd I would say that. I very much doubt if he would be any better in the bedroom department.

I'm going to get something else off my chest now that has been pissing me off for weeks.

This bloke upstairs - pervy twatface who slobbers like a dog at the idea of me giving his mate a handjob - and his wife get up to things with his mates. I am a bit disgusted by it. I've heard this from exbf and I won't repeat it to any of them but I am dying to get it off my chest.

Apparently twatface likes to get his wifes tits out in front of exbf and get him to take photos. This shit isn't normal is it?

Patti, none of them read the local paper. They really are a bunch of half-witted cunts.

I suggest you use Piglet's line - tis perfect. And then add for good measure that sniggering about pubic hair - it's lack, abundance or anywhere in between - really does make them all look like teenage virgins indeed.

Jesus Christ, what a bunch of emotionally stunted fuckwits they all sound. I'd find yourself some new friends if I were you. Or move.

I've only been here 5 months curly. Thought I'd fallen in with a nice crowd.

[pines for London]

I cried in my mum's arms at the weekend that 'these people' aren't normal. I am miles away from 'home'. ExP has fucked off. I know nobody.

[necks vodka]

Move out and try to meet some new people . Wherever you are, there will be nice people somewhere nearby!

Dozer, I don't think I can move really.

We moved here for a better quality of life. This is supposed to be a 'good neighbourhood'. They are all perverts!

DS loves it here. He has a little bunch of mates and it's so lovely to see him happy.

I can't move him so soon after our last move and his dad leaving. It isn't fair. I just have to ignore the fuckwits here and get on with my life.

It hurts. I feel bad for my friend upstairs. I've only known her a little while but she's a genuine woman who is being treated terribly. Her husband is also shagging my next door neighbour (you couldn't make it up, could you?). Exbf told me that.

I think I just have to distance myself from them.

I've had a totally shitty week. Last night ExP came round and smashed up my living room door. Why are some men such fucking bastards?

Sorry, lots to drink, nobody to talk to. Very miserable and angry. If I was a dog I'd bite someone tonight.

Deirdre, so sorry, you sound really low. Perhaps switch to ?

What, your ex smashed the door in last night? Did you call the police? Are you safe there now?

if you stay, maybe there're some nicer people that you've come across, eg other mums you come across through your DS? They won't ALL be perverts! Some may even be lovely MNetters.......

Sorry, yes I should switch to something softer. I am getting drunk and I'm not in a happy frame of mind.

Think I'll just take myself to bed.

I am perfectly safe here. ExP isn't violent, just likes to break things when he's pissed off. He will replace it.

I am trying to get back into work at the moment, not just for the money, but to meet more people. DS will be back tomorrow and I can't wait to see him. Missing him terribly tonight.

Off to sleep now. Thanks everyone

The last time I had a bloke talk slag of sex I had had with him (or not as he couldn't get it up, sound familar) was when I was 17. And he was slated for being massively immature by his best mate (who was a friend of mine)!

Have a cup of tea and pitch all this to the eastenders writers. Seriously.

Having moved around a fair bit myself, I can tell you this much - the first bunch of mates are NEVER the ones you end up sticking with.

Bide your time. Soon the perves upstairs will be jacking off as you scream the place down in orgasm by night and sashay out with lovely folk by day as they stare open mouthed thro their smeary windows.

He's on his way round here. This will be good.

[makes notes for Eastenders script writers]

why? dont answer the fucking door! tell him the wait to speak to you will be as long as your wait for a decent shag from him - ie - a VERY long time. what a knobber.

The more you open to him, the more opportunities you get to get hurt.

He has shown what a rubbish person he is, don't give him more opportunities.

D O N O T O P E N T H A T D O O R

God, he is such an idiot.

I'd tell everyone about his own performance and wouldn't give a shit. How dare he try and put this on you. He was obviously just getting in first. And to think you were worried about hurting his feelings.

Tell him and his small dick to sod off.

Oh god, and she's half cut.......!!! He might be getting the short end of her tongue, and not in a way he has previously been familiar with.......!!