New relationship and he can't perform

[DissatisfiedDeirdre]

I've met someone a couple of months ago who is lovely, gorgeous, sexy, wonderful etc.

We have tried to have sex a couple of times and it's been a disaster. He doesn't get fully hard, loses his erection during intercourse and can't ejaculate. He has put this down to having had too much to drink on the occasions we've tried to have sex but I don't think this is really the problem. He doesn't seem to realise he's not fully erect so I think he's possibly always had this problem. I can hardly tell him what other penis' feel like though.

He takes citalopram which I think is probably the main cause of his sex issues.

I could really fall in love with him but I don't want to be in a sexless relationship. He is staying over tonight and although I'm really looking forward to spending the evening with him and sharing a bed I am dreading the sex part.

The kissing and touching is lovely, but it either leads nowhere and we go to sleep (and I feel frustrated) or we have 10 minutes of thrusting, apologising and then awkwardness. I am being sensitive but it is obvious that he feels under pressure to perform and I feel frustrated, which are both making the problem worse probably.

We don't just do penetrative sex but I can't climax with him because I don't feel turned on while he is so obviously not aroused.

I've suggested seeing his GP which didn't go down too well.

It's a bit harsh to end a relationship for this reason especially when everything else is so good. It's a problem for me though and as far as I can tell it's not much of a big issue for him.

Thank you.

I wanted to lash out and tell his friend that he has the most pathetic cock I've had the misfortune to encounter so far.

It is tiny, seriously. And he has tiny balls to match. They are empty and strange.

You know, I would not held back. I would have been juvenile enough to tell the truth and say that he is probably slagging of your sex life because of his own performance problems, and shrug. He is an idiot.

Ah, I was wrong about his friend then :( I was hoping he said it for the right reasons, not to get his jollies.

oh my god! just count your luckies that you found out what sort of pillock he is now and not further down the line.

He is the one with the problem and is trying to project his sexual dysfunction onto you. do not fall for one bit of it! he is embarrassed and an arse. not necessarily in that order.

chin up love. lucky lucky escape.

I know. He is a cunt of the highest degree.

He has made me sound like a sex mad bitch on heat - which isn't entirely untrue but FFS, I really don't like it that his friends are laughing at me behind my back and discussing my sex drive. I can't believe he did it. He was so not like this before.

fuck it....tell em all

I'm always in favour of the dignified silence, but I seriously don't know how you held back My response would have been "Pity Button Mushroom Man can't get it up."

Bearing in mind any real bloke would have been over the moon with your enthusiasm in the sack.

I've kept quiet because I'm trying to preserve my dignity. His friend's don't know whether what he's said is the truth or just bullshit bragging unless I confirm it.

The friend he told lives upstairs though. He knows that I haven't had a bikini wax in a long time. The humiliation is killing me.

Thats just nasty. what a prick.

I would be tempted to tell them, claiming 'I would normally hold a dignified silence BUT.......'

*friends

I'm a bit drunk now

I won't do it Nettle. I think Exbf was pre-empting the piss-taking he thought he would get from me blabbing about his inadequacy in bed so I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking he was right.

Yuck - nasty couple of blokes. Obviously as deviant and inadequate as each other.

Thank goodness you're out of it

His best friend lives in the flat upstairs though. His wife is a good friend of mine.

I have been for a bikini wax today. Don't really know why. I might get drunk and drop my knickers to make it look like he's a fucking liar.

He did say I was good in bed though and did admit that he couldn't come. Don't know whether that should please me or not.

What an arsehole!

I felt quite sorry for him before. My dh and i have both been on those meds so know what its like. They really do mess up sex! I thought he was silly for not being open about it though.

But to tell to his friends!? What exactly did he say that got his friend so excited?!

I hope that the rest of your group of friends are nicer.

He told his friend this:

She's hairy
She gives a good handjob
She's always up for it

And then this (paraphrased):

"She really goes at it. Banging away, balls slapping her arse, legs wrapped around me and I still couldn't come"

Should I move away from here. I feel so ridiculous.

I give a shit handjob, but fabulous oral sex - perhaps we could swap tips?

I can't do blowjobs BBB. We should do a double act

Deirdre... I'm sure that if you look at this people in the eye and told them, I understand X needs to place the blame on me and say I may have a exceptional sex drive, but that's how things look to someone who has erectile problems.

(Simple, factual and utterly believable... it also gives you the higher ground)

... and don't worry about what "friends" are talking, if they can come and bother you with this... they are not friends anyway.

It's not that bad.

All people know is that you have pubic hair (shock horror!) and you have a normal, healthy sex drive.

That's it.

The man is fuckwit. Twelve months from now, you won't give a shit about any of this bollocks.

Go make a cheese toastie or whatever your drunken snack of choice is.

I was expecting something much worse than that OP! He is just describing normal sex apart from his own inadequacy. Don't be embarrassed - he has just made himself look a complete twat not you.

Piglet, that is brilliant. I will remember that. It needs to be said in pitying tones, yes?

TINML, really? I've never (to my knowledge) had a man discuss me like that before. I suppose boyfriends have but there friends weren't such fuckwits to come and tell me what they said. The pubic hair thing has upset me the most. I know Exbf liked the shaven raven look and I was really self-conscious about it. I just didn't have time to get a wax and I thought "oh what the hell, it's not that bad and I know he fancies me anyway". God, I really regret that.

Cheese toastie sounds mmmmmm. I am trying to lose weight though so I can really knock him dead in a few months time. childish I know, but anger fuels me in weight loss (and I do have a fair bit to lose).

Wizard, thank you. Would you let it go if you were me? Or would it be a deal breaker?

Oh God, forgive the shit grammar please.

he sounds like he has all the maturity of a 12 year old boy. What sort of man discusses sex like that with his mates?
a twat thats who.

id have words. 5 to be precise. 'fuck off you inadequate knob'