So. This is my second child (have an 8 yr old dd and ds is 2 weeks) but my dh's first. He, my dh, is a wonderful man and has wholeheartedly accepted my daughter and never questioned that. My first relationship failed because my ex was an abusive drunk. I went into having a baby with my eyes open-I knew I'd be shattered etc-and I knew he had no idea what was coming. He isn't the kind to do lots of research, so he had little prep.
Anyway-this time round, for the most part, it has been loads easier (so far). My ds is calm and my bf-ing has worked-no room pacing at 4am (yet-I know it will come). My dh has been helpful and done washing and cooking and the school run.
But... last time I was a de facto single parent (and left my ex shortly after my dd was born). I expected that part, the relationship part, of this to be simple and joyous. But I have never felt more alone. He hasn't said how proud he is of me, or how happy he is, he doesn't tell me he loves me, or holds my hand. It has all stopped. It was an incredibly stressful labour and a c section with a GA. I lost a lot of blood, was on tons of drugs, am very anaemic and keep having random bleeds. I have to go to the hospital every day for a month for anti coag injections - but I have a massive needle phobia, so everyday I have a panic attack. He doesn't ask how they are going, or seem proud that I am battling a massive phobia so I can breastfeed our son. I know I'm an adult, but I feel... irrelevant and invisible. And he goes on and on about how thrilled he is that the stand in he recruited to cover him while he was on pat leave is amazing-their emails are brilliant etc. And I want to scream I just had fucking abdominal surgery and I'm having all these injections and you don't seem to care. Or we went shopping today because he wanted to buy some things for the baby. And he got lovely things for my dd too-I mean he is really generous. But I might not have been there. He didn't really talk to me. He had to keep checking work emails. And I know that's how he pays for all the stuff. But-three weeks ago we talked and laughed and had an amazing time. I went to the toilet and realised I was bleeding heavily again and he just shrugged. I don't understand what has happened.
We just watched an episode of the sopranos-which we always used to do cuddled up together. No cuddling. And he decided to go to bed. So he turned off the telly and the lights and just left me in a dark room. So now I'm sitting in the kitchen, crying, holding my baby.
God-it all sounds so facile now I write it down. Just... is this normal? Is it him coming to terms with being a parent? Because this can't go wrong. I can't do this on my own again. I really can't.