Did you know you'd say yes when you were proposed to?

[tiptop2]

I've been with boyfriend for a while, we're moving in and have talked about marriage/future etc. I'd like to think I'd have no hesitation when he asked me but I'm not sure, so maybe I'm not ready yet. Are you ever ready? Does it feel like it does in films or perhaps I have an over-romantised view in my head of what it will be like...

second time around you'll know

i did know.
the first relationship, i proposed to him, but it was always destiend for failure (god knows what i was doing - i just went along with the whole thing- i suppose i got swept up in the relationship for life thing)
anyway, the second relationship, i wantd to propose again ,but i decided that it would be best if i knew that he wanted it too (and wasn't just going along with the easy option), but i did push his hand rather
anyway, i knew i'd say yes, it was right, it was perfect, and i've not yet been proven wrong. :)

When I was PG I had a dream that DP proposed to me when I was in labour. I kept it to myself but kept remembering the dream. Anyway, I went in to labour and had DS and DP got down on one knee about 3 mins after he was born. How freaky is that!

I said yes obviously

that's lovely...I really want to be 100% sure but I'm a bit of a negative thinker as it is so maybe that will never be. I don't have to know NOW ifyswim but I do want to be confident I'll know in time..we've only been dating a year but I'm mid 30s now so don't want to waste time...or lead him on either..not fair..having said that, he hasn't actually proposed yet so not sure he's ready yet either!

I have been proposed too by 5 people. I said yes to 4 and no to one. That one was the love of my life [idiot]. When dh asked me I was so shocked I made him ask me again and then get down on one knee and ask me again. We have been together nearly 16 years now and married for twelve.

5 - wow! I'm interested to know why you said no to one of them Fab...

I knew I would say yes, because I was waiting for him to get on with it and ask. We both knew he was going to ask. and I had a deadline of a birthday coming up

I have an unwritten "rule" that it has to be at least 2 years into a relationship, for me. I did actually tell DP this, though. I think a year is early to know if you want to be with them for ever. I don't know what I'll do/say if I still don't know by 2 years in, though!

If you're trying to decide if he's the right person to have children with, these are the things I've learned which are important. Do you admire him? Does he have values, or personality traits you'd be happy to pass on to any DC? Do you have vaguely similar ideas about children and how to bring them up? Are you able to talk and discuss things equally, even if they are emotive? If you split up, would he be involved, or bitter? Can he cope with lack of sex for several months post childbirth ()? (This is more of a general indicator of if they are a cock, though, TBH.) Would you be proud if you had a son and he grew up like him, would you be happy for your daughter to marry a man like him?

If you can answer these, you'll know, but the longer you know someone, the more of these things will be tested, and you'll know.

Yes I knew I'd say yes but tbh we'd been together 7yrs and was of the opinion if he didn't bloody hurry up I'd be inclined to find someone who did. Possibly very shallow and heartless of me but tbh 7yrs - 7 fecking years? I wasn't gonna waste any longer if he was just with me until something better came along. Turned out he was waiting for hell to freeze over for the perfect moment And that moment was just as the plane hit turbulance and the ring was in his jacket pocket in the above locker

I said no because he asked me in front of his mate and I didn't want to look an idiot if I said yes and he didn't mean it . He is unhappily married to someone else now.

I said yes, i knew it was coming as i chose the ring!!

Thanks Bertie - thinking about those questions, we definitely have similar ideas/values and seem to communicate well with issues, and i would def be happy to have children with his traits etc...We do bicker a bit..i think that's mainly because he's spending alot of time in my tiny flat until we move out which is proving a little cramped! I know he'll be a great husband, he's a very good, kind, strong and stable man but I'm maybe still adjusting to being a full-time couple vs independent and single which is what I've been up to until now. I guess Im finding it hard to keep readjusting and compromising..part of me thinks it might be easier with the right partner so maybe he's not..even though, when we work through issues, it's a relatively easy process..just seems to be quite a few of them at this stage!

Well, we'd discussed marriage at some length and even done some preliminary planning/thinking roughly about dates. He cooked a lovely meal, and proposed with an unusual but beautiful ring. Actually, I'd always known I wanted to marry him, so it was an instant yes (and I think he'd have been deeply shocked had I said 'no'). The proposal/wedding that followed were all lovely, but despite knowing each other for several years, living together etc, we've had to work at our marriage. It's been loads of fun though and I'd do it all over again.

If you're not ready, you're not ready. FAR better to hold off and have things moving a little slower than you'd like, than to rush into it when you're not sure and then realise too late that your "not sure" was more than just nerves, it was a little tiny alarm bell going off in your head. (Not saying this is what is happening in your case BTW!)

I think it's fairly normal to have a few issues at the year mark, especially if you've recently moved in together. I find MN a great sounding board for things to work out if they are potentially serious issues or if they are the kind of thing everyone goes through.