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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Soooo... when did your dp/dh first tell you he lurved you?

28 replies

dawnofthedumb · 06/09/2011 14:05

Namechanger because this is, like, teenagery.

I've been seeing a really very lovely chap now for a whole 3 months. It's all good - easiest and most 'right' thing I've done for a very very long time. We get on like a house on fire, great sex, he makes me laugh, loads in common, blahblahblah...

At the weekend he told me he loved me. I had a feeling he would - he's been acting like he's got something to say for a couple of weeks. And he did acknowledge that it was all quite early on to be making these sorts of declarations but that I'm so goddamn marvellous he just couldn't stop himself

But, you know, is he mad? I'd really really like this to last and I'm a bit worried that men who declare LOVE early on can burn out just as soon. He says not, but...

So, what do you think? (I've not said it back, btw, but I feel like I might be heading in that direction. I don't want to look back and think 'how fucking naive' in a couple of months' time, though!)

OP posts:

DooLallyDally · 06/09/2011 14:42

My H told me he loves me much sooner than 3 months! It's weird though because I didnt think any less of him as from the moment I met him everything just felt 'right' IYKWIM?
We've been married 3 years and we still love each other.
On the other hand, before I met DH I'd had a few bf that had quickly said ''I love you'' and I immediately knew I didnt feel the same and I was really put off by them saying it so I guess what I'm saying is that only you and he know if its too early to be saying it or not.
Hope that makes sense!

MilkandWine · 06/09/2011 14:47

Everyone is different and if the relationship feels 'right' then a declaration of love after 3 months could just be seen as a natural progression. I would rather have a guy who wore his heart on his sleeve than a buttoned up, repressed one any day of the week. My ex DP took 7 months to tell me he loved me and I had to say it first (maybe that's why he's an ex). It is exhausting being with a man who can't tell you how he feels.

You sound as if you are having a great time together so I would just relax and enjoy it. Do you love him though? If you do then I think it's best you tell him asap. If I told someone I loved them and they didn't say it back I think I would be reduced to a nervous wreck.

Original poster

dawnofthedumb · 06/09/2011 14:58

I don't know, milkandwine. I'm a bit cynical and wary, I suppose. I have my 'barriers' up still, a bit. I was pleased when he said it - it made my tummy flip [teenager]

I love being with him, and I want things to progress, and I think about him all the damn time, and I miss him, I guess, when he's not there. And I want to make him happy. Is that love?

I suppose it's partly that he keeps telling me how wonderful I am and all I can think is 'no I'm not, you nutter, I'm a pain in the arse'

OP posts:

goatinacoat · 06/09/2011 15:45

Aww, just enjoy it if you feel the same. It's such a lovely time in a relationship.

DP first told me after about 2 months, after a week or so of dancing around it "I adore you" etc, and has told me every day since He's just very happy talking about how he feels which makes me feel comfortable doing the same.

After XH, he was a breath of fresh air.

mumsamilitant · 06/09/2011 16:09

Can't remember when my DP told me to be honest. Nothing wrong with being cautious though, don't feel you have to say anything until you're ready.

PamBeesly · 06/09/2011 16:16

2 days, and he meant it :) he moved countries to be together too. When its right, its right. I think 3 months would be average, I think its nice that he was 'building' up to it, he obviously thought a lot about it. Enjoy it!

tabulahrasa · 06/09/2011 16:18

After a week - though to be fair, we were teenagers, lol

lubeybooby · 06/09/2011 16:20

3 months is ages, no sweat! My ex told me after about a month, and it was me that left after ten years - he wanted us to stay together so no burning out there on his part.

AbsDuWolef · 06/09/2011 16:20

He told me twice. First time about two months into the relationship, the second time about three weeks later. The first time he was asleep . He just kept on saying "I love you" over and over again, and when I asked him about it, he looked sheepish.

The second time was fabulous - I'll remember it the rest of my life. I'd known that I loved him for weeks beforehand - could feel it just welling up.

PandaG · 06/09/2011 16:24

DH said 'I think I love you' after we had been going out for about a fortnight. He proposed (for the first time, I thought we were too young) after we had been dating about 8 months.

We've now been together nearly 22 years, married 18. He rarely tells me he loves me spontaneously, but regularly does so in response to me telling him.

HenriettaFarthingay · 06/09/2011 16:29

Two weeks after we met. Just as I was hopping on the bus after a night at the pictures. We were very young and he was very nervous. I sat down feeling gobsmacked, and told him the same next time I saw him. That was 1970. We're married 39 years come February.

EarthMotherImNot · 06/09/2011 16:34

The day we met We were discussing what we wanted as a career and I said I wanted to be married and have babies, he replied "marry me because I love you"

In October it is our 37th wedding anniversary

takingbackmonday · 06/09/2011 16:44

Last night. 6/7 weeks in. He was half asleep but I know he meant it. Far too early but feels right.

Earthmother - that's so wonderful

Original poster

dawnofthedumb · 06/09/2011 16:45

Ahhh, such lovely stories

Well, I guess I should chill out a bit then shouldn't I? It seems we're positively reticent compared to some others! Maybe I'll tell him tonight...

OP posts:

Original poster

dawnofthedumb · 06/09/2011 16:47

Takingback - that's great! It does feel right. I should just loosen up a bit maybe.

OP posts:

Happyfinnish · 06/09/2011 16:48

I don't know. I can't remember when DH and I first said it and we don't say it a lot, although we say and do a lot of things that mean the same IYSWIM.

I think you can't predict where your relationship will go because that's up to both of you and how you behave to each other over the years and all the other things that'll happen.

Happyfinnish · 06/09/2011 16:52

AbsDuWolf That's made me a bit teary.

Pippaandpolly · 06/09/2011 16:57

I told him first by accident - we were messing about and he was messing around and I just blurted out 'Oh I love you!' and then realised what I'd said and was a bit shocked - not because I didn't feel it but because I was sure I'd frighten him off, but he just looked a bit surprised for a second and then said, 'Well that's good, because I love you too!' It was a couple of months in, but we'd been very good friends for about 18 months before we officially got together, and had also been fooling around for a few months before we made it official...if this all sounds very teenagery it's because we were students and only 19 We've been together 9 years now and both still say it (and mean it!) all the time Enjoy it - those falling in love months are glorious!

Pippaandpolly · 06/09/2011 16:58

Sorry, 'we were messing about and he was making me laugh' was what I meant to type in the first sentence!

TheOriginalFAB · 06/09/2011 17:00

DH told me after 5 months but I knew long before that. I knew I loved him after 2 months. Been together nearly 16 years now.

eslteacher · 06/09/2011 17:20

I was the one who said it first, about six months in. Had been feeling it for ages but was holding out for DP to say it first...I would have been really happy if he'd said it after 3 months, it definitely wouldn't have been too soon for me. Anyway, when I finally told my DP, he looked a bit taken aback and his response was "I think I love you too" which obviously wasn't quite what I was hoping to hear and I was a bit upset although I didn't show it at the time.

Anyway, about a week later in a really unexpected situation when we were out in public with some friends, he suddenly took me to one side and not only told me he loved me but gave me a whole amazing speech about what that love meant to him and why he loved me. It was so totally romantic and spontaneous and not something I had been expecting from him at all, since he's not generally much of a wordsmith...it's still one of my favourite ever memories.

Chrononaut · 06/09/2011 17:26

it was weird for me and DH. I said it first, as im pretty honest about my emotions. I cant really remember when he said it either, but he had only told one other person he loved her before that, so i knew our relationship was something special when he told me.

i think i realised he really loved me though when he'd gone away for a while, and one day he rang me to ask what i was up to, i said"just chilling out in my room" (was in a houseshare at the time) he told me to look out the window and there he was waving at me. its cheezy, but i'd never had a surprise like that before! x

PrimaBallerina · 06/09/2011 17:32

About 3 months in too. I was thrilled. Didn't even occur to me that it might be considered 'fast'. It was going so brilliantly and I felt the same so it felt perfect.

Married nearly 2 years now .

Tonksforthememories · 06/09/2011 17:48

I knew very early on that i loved DH, something just clicked between us from day one. We'd been together about a fortnight when he told me he didn't want anything serious, so i backed off. He told me he loved me about a month later. After a string of crappy relationships i told myself i wouldn't say it first!

From then on he'd often ask, 'if i asked you to marry me what would you say?' and i told him yes. Eventually i got fed up of him asking that so i proposed. That was 4 months after our first date.

We've been married 7 years now and together for 9! :o

LeQueen · 06/09/2011 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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