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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HOw did you tell your other half you wanted him to leave?

22 replies

PaperView · 27/07/2011 20:47

and did he go?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 27/07/2011 20:50

I sat him down on Christmas Day, when the gifts that he'd bought weren't given to me and I said, "I know. And you do know this means we can't be together any more, don't you?"

JillyArmeen · 27/07/2011 20:54

i just told him to get out, then i begged him to get out when just the sight of him made me want to be sick. eventually he left.

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 27/07/2011 20:58

After many false starts (us agruing, me asking him to leave, him leaving, then me allowing him back time after time), we eventually argued again, I told him to leave, he did, and I stuck to my guns and never allowed him to move back in again.

It was hard. He totally believed it would be like all the other times, but it wasn't.

Lot of shit followed for the next 2 or so years and now we barely have contact which suits me just fine.

Original poster
PaperView · 28/07/2011 11:42

What if he won't go and you literally have nowhere else to go?

OP posts:
Original poster
PaperView · 28/07/2011 11:42

What if he won't go and you literally have nowhere else to go?

OP posts:
Digitalis · 28/07/2011 12:50

There was no way on earth my exH would go. He had an absolute belief that the house and everything in it was his and only his despite us being married for a long time.

I tried to leave twice and he threw things around, hit his hand on the wall breaking it (his hand)and threatened suicide.

In the end, I left him but had to do so while he was at work. I just took mine and DD's personal possessions, photographs and clothes, he got all the furniture, lots of which were antique etc. etc.

He was incredibly nasty and difficult for a couple of years, mainly about anything to do with finances.

I have no regrets. Hope this helps!

Mouseface · 28/07/2011 13:12

It all depends on whether or not the house is jointly owned. If so then he has as much right to be there as you do.

You will have somewhere to go, you can contact these wonderful people and they will help you if you truly will be homeless.

I left so I can't really advice on how to get him to leave.

Do you have children together?

Is the house his or yours or jointly owned?

Why do you want him to leave?

cestlavielife · 28/07/2011 13:21

he wouldnt leave so i had to go rent elsewhere with dc

(if you have nowhere and he is abusive contact womens aid)

BibiBlocksberg · 28/07/2011 13:32

After weeks (months?) of getting advice from the wonderful people on MN and dithering I told him not to bother buying me anything for my birthday or Christmas both of which were imminent because I didn't want to continue the relationship.

He dithered around for a week or so, coming up with various excuses as to why he couldn't move to his mothers yet until I quit being Mrs understanding and firmly told him he had to go.

He did and the rest is history. Still can't believe I actually plucked up the courage. Best thing I did for over a decade!

Original poster
PaperView · 28/07/2011 15:05

He's not abusive. Well not physically or verbally and i am not sure emotionaly either although a friend seems to think so. We rent, applied for the house together but only his name on deeds. I'm going to have to be the one to go aren;t i?

He has been out this afternoon giving me some "space" with a letter he wrote and will take the DCs out after school - as is the norm once a week anyway. I am pondering not being here when he comes back. I usually do something on a thursday but leave a lot later.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 28/07/2011 20:53

Paper - no children involved?

Then if it's his place, yes, you would have to go I think?

Do you have anywhere that you can go?

What's happened for it to get to this stage?

Original poster
PaperView · 29/07/2011 08:14

We have 3 children and no I have nowhere I can go.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 29/07/2011 10:04

Then you really need to get some help.

Have a look Here or Here

If you really want out, then you need to start looking at where you and the children can go.

What has he done, by the way, to make you want to leave? There's not much info on here for anyone to go by to try and help you more.

Original poster
PaperView · 29/07/2011 10:13

I can't really give a lot of detail but ty for your help anyway. It's alot of smaller things built up over time with some other things thrown in for good measure. The usual i guess.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 29/07/2011 11:32

I recognise your name, I know you've been here a while. Smile

I'm away now until Sunday but will pop back here to see how you are getting on. You really do seem to be 'stuck' don't you?

Have a look at WA and the Shelter sites, see if you feel they can help at all, maybe talk to someone in RL? If you can?

The other thing you could do is PM me if you want to talk about 'details' off board, or indeed another poster who you feel can help, so that you're not so alone.

Posts/threads with more info get more traffic IME.

Take care, back soon x

Original poster
PaperView · 29/07/2011 14:57

Thanks MouseFace. You are being v lovely. Gonna have a chat with some friends later and then get drunk.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 01/08/2011 14:09

Hey, how are things?

Original poster
PaperView · 01/08/2011 21:48

Not great. He wrote a letter which i was told to respond to so i did. NO mention since but barely any conversation either. I wish i hadn't said anything.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 02/08/2011 15:16

"which i was told to respond to so i did." Hmm

I'm guessing this letter was a list of questions and/or demands? What on earth has brought you to this stage?

Why can't you post more about what's happening to you both. I feel rather helpless really.

What are you going to do? Is it you who wants out and he disagrees?

Original poster
PaperView · 03/08/2011 21:21

It was comments relating to what i had said when i asked him to go his mums as well as other stuff that he wanted answers to.

It's been a while coming i think. I can't go into it because i am not convinced that he doesn't follow me on here.

In a nutshell i feel trapped.

It's ok MouseFace, you don't need to help. I shouldn't have started a thread by stealth really.

Thanks for your time xx

OP posts:
stayforthekids1 · 03/08/2011 21:23

I sat him down one night, there had been nothing happen, no arguements and told him I would only say it once, that I wanted him to REALLY hear what I was saying and that it was how I felt. Then I told him that I wasnt in love with him, that I had no interest in trying anymore and I wanted a separation. I figured direct was the best way. In the past we had so many arguements and I flung it at him all the time. The way I did it made him realise straight off that I was deadly serious. It wasnt nice, I didnt feel proud of myself, but I had to do it that way or else he never would have believed me.

Mouseface · 04/08/2011 14:14

Paper

Ah, I see re the following bit. You could always PM me Smile

Feeling trapped is awful. Money, children, emotional blackmail, the house, the bills, the lack of attention, wanting to move forward with your life, wanting to enjoy your life but you can't for one reason or another..........

I'm sorry that you feel like that xx

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