My friend see's DH walking past her house - when I think he's at work

[TransAtlantic]

Went for coffee with a friend a few weeks ago, during the conversation she told me "oh I meant to tell you! I saw your DH walking past my house on Friday, infact, I've seen him go past a few times on his way home from work".

This is very, very odd because his work is no where near my friend's house and to come home he'd come the opposite way anyway. I asked her to tell me if he went past the following week. Sure enough, EVERY friday he walks past my friend's house on his way home. He doesn't know she lives where she does.

I asked him and at first he said she was lying to cause trouble (how would she know this would cause trouble?? she just assumed he worked nearby!) and then he said he sometimes gets a lift home and gets dropped off down this street.

He has lied to me before. Would this make you suspicious?

Um, yes.

Yes very!!!! Why not go round there at the time he is supposed to walk past and pop out and surprise him

Yes it would, sorry - depending on the circumstacnes. Does it make any sense that he would get dropped off there?

Well

His first reaction was to say your friend was lying to cause trouble.

Then he says he sometimes get dropped there.

So his first answer wasn't 'yeah Fred/Sue kindly gives me a lift and drops me there' it was a lie

HE LIED Straight out and straight up his first reaction was to lie.

Why? Why did he lie?

Yes, what time does he walk past, and what time does he get home?
Can she pop out and follow him next time and see whose house he goes to?

I dont understand why you confronted him so early....

Oh dear. He's just hoist himself with his own petard hasn't he...what a plonker.

What will you do? I mean if he is a commited liar...can you see a future for you two?

Yes, it sounds like he's trying to cover something up. Could be seeing someone else or visiting the bookies.

He's definitely lying.

I'd make sure I was at that friend's house at the time he is due to walk past... then rush out and say... 'ahhh, caught you'

Sounds very odd. Is it only on Fridays that he walks past? If so, sounds like a regular appointment of some kind...

What Xales said ^

I'm sorry OP but he has lied and therefore must be up to something. What I don't know, but something he felt he had to lie about until the idea of saying he got dropped off there occured to him.

what Xales said really.

and the point isn't really does it make you suspicious. He's clearly lied, twice now at least, so isn't that enough to make you question the validity of the relationship as he sees it? I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

What I mean is the fact he sees fit to lie to you at all is enough to make me think he is a dickhead and doesn't deserve you. not even going into what he was trying to cover up.

Mind you... he will change his route now he knows you know.

Why does he get dropped off in that street?

Sounds fishy to me, is this out of character for him?

What time is it? Between this sighting and him coming home, I mean?

I'm going to go against the grain and ask, he isn't planning a surprise or anything is he?
Like dancing or something daft?

Does he do drugs? Could it be a Friday night score? (have a friend whose DH was caught doing this)

Yes. I would be suspicious.

If he had nothing to hide, he would have said "Oh? Does she? Yes, I get a lift with X on fridays."

To instantly deny it, to call her a liar, to go on the attack and then - when he's had a second to come up with something he thinks you'll swallow - tell you about some lift?

Ha.

The other one has bells on.

Give it a tug.

He lied because he has a reason to lie. What that reason is, I cannot say.

I can hazard a bloody good guess, mind.

OP you mention he has previous form for lying. What did he lie about in the past? Women, money, drugs?

How very odd of him. Shame you couldn't have staked him out before he realised he'd been rumbled, I'd have been inclined to try to find out where he was off too...

Well. As others have said, he's been thick enough in his response, silly man, to prove the fact that he's lying beyond a shadow of a doubt. 'She's lying! Er, no - I sometimes get dropped off there.'

I think you can safely assume he DOESN'T get dropped off there, because that's not what he said straight off - like a normal person answering a question - that's what he thought of as an excuse, and added later.

What have you said in reply, how was the situation left? Because you have two options to find out the truth. One is to leave it, lay low and do some detective work. Here, his evident lack of brainpower is your friend, and the fact that whatever is going on appears to be centred on your friend's neighbourhood, so you could enlist her to do some digging. So you'd have to pretend to believe him then get to work after a decent amount of time.

You could also sit him down and just say, 'Right. No, you don't get dropped off - I wasn't born yesterday, so don't even go there. What's going on?' - only you know whether he'd confess or carry on bluffing with the confidence borne of utter stupidity.

That's the first thing, but the second is far more important (and a quicker way to cut to the chase) - do you see a future for yourself with a rather stupid liar? What did he lie to you about before? Was it huge and awful or small and silly? Is he faithful? Do you trust him? Do you respect him?

If the answer to lots of those questions is no, you could cut to the chase and think about whether you just want out.

He might not be lying about something bad - maybe there's secret dancing or swimming lessons or something that he goes to but doesn't want to tell you about?

[desperate]

You shouldn't have asked him, you should have sprung out and surprised him when he was walking past (or, better still), have your friend follow him to see where he went.

But then I am sneaky like that.

The lying is bad, even if it is to cover up a swimming lesson.

Who wants to be married to a liar?

Do tell us what he's been up to, once you find out.

It would be lovely if he's been taking secret cooking lessons to give you a well earned rest...

Yes, it's a real shame you confronted him alas. It would have been better to do a little discreet tracking!

Maybe he is taking tap-dancing lessons and is shy of telling you.

Maybe he takes a little old lady to get her pension.

Maybe he is a superhero in disguise.

The real question is whether he is worth being with, as a person. Whether he makes your life immeasurably better or whether he is a miserable, energy-sapping drag. The lying thing is a big part of that. So, what is his form - does he lie about silly little things, because he's emotionally avoidant and/or lazy and silly, or is he a nasty scheming little cheater/double dealer who you've forgiven once before? If the latter - I wouldn't even bother having the chat.

You probably know in your heart what it's likely to be!

Best of luck.