Going to keep a diary of the shitty behaviour of DP, so I don't miss him when I go

[AChristmasSickness]

I'm planning on leaving DP next year. I know it will be great at first but it's inevitable that eventually I'll feel the strain of singlehood and perhaps even miss his company. Therefore I'm planning on keeping a diary of all the shit behaviour he displays on a regular basis so if ever I'm tempted to pick up that phone, I can look at that and remember.

Anyone ever done this before?

I did, it's a good idea

Me too. When you look back you will be surprised what you have put up with.

But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

What sort of things does he do? I think some behaviours are easier than others to record. I was thinking of doing this but find it hard to describe my DHs issues accurately. Everytime we get into conflict, DH turns it round so it is my fault and I find it really hard to identify who did actually start it IYSWIM. So some types of behaviours might be easier to write down than others.

I also did this. Well worth doing.

Several people have done it on here.

It's a good idea.

Why not leave now?

I imagine it is not just his behaviour you could keep a diary of but all the things you don't like about him. For example, I keep having to remind myself of my ex's halitosis fumes,cluster of skin tags and pubic dust over the toilet seat every day

PUBIC DUST ???!!!?

WherecanIhide - BARF

I kept a diary when I was in a bad place with my abusive alcholic ex DP - it was the only way I could get my head clear and actually have a record of events so that he couldn't keep convincing me that I was 'over reacting' (to verbal/emotional/occasional physical abuse).

It was really helpful and when we broke up it kept me strong when I had my weaker moments.

When I was completely over him it was then also really liberating to throw the diary away and clear him out of my head altogether.

Weirdly I saw the stupid bastard on the southbank in London recently. We made eye contact and he started walking quickly towards me. I turned on my heel and just pegged it away from him and lost him in the crowds. If I never see him again it'll be too soon.

I have around two years' worth of diaries containing notes on the jolly behaviour of XH. It felt a bit sneaky somehow, but the solicitor recommended I keep a record of "unreasonable behaviour" as you have to give specific examples with dates for the petition and be able to assert the behaviour is ongoing. Read them again a couple of months ago and was astonished that I managed not to kill either him or myself. Funnily enough, part-way through the proceedings, he dumped a bulging folder in front of me which turned out to be full of various notes he'd made about me over the years. It was really quite horrible. (Then he lost it and blamed me for destroying it.)

It amuses me when people express regret for my divorced status. I am very proud of that divorce. I worked hard for it.

OMG Where !!!!

That's SO discusting but sounds just like my exh. Pubic dust from ball scratching.

Why wait till next year?

Yes, I'd kept a (sketchy) diary. It was SO helpful, there was stuff in there I'd just blanked out, or small enough that you don't remember years later, but truly horrible and deal-breaking at the time. My mum was good at... not reminding me so much, but just having been present when he was an arse, and validating stuff: like, yes he really did used to do that. Or, yes love it really was as bad as you recall and you aren't exaggerating.

It stops you playing stuff down later, and so is a crucial plan I'd say.
Here's to 2011 for you :)

Pubic dust sounds unhealthy. Are these men cleaning themselves properly?

'Pubic dust' is what I called brown 'bits' like dust mixed in with a pube or two which he always left on the front of the toilet seat. I always had to wipe the seat with loo roll before using the loo.

alexqueue - I don't think these men wash in a way we would call 'thorough'

I've thought about keeping such a diary but I worry that it would just make things worse to be focusing on the negative like that.
Plus I'd be paranoid about him finding it.