Morning everyone.
On power and powerlessness:
I am not powerless. I can be weak, but I can also be strong. And in relation to alcohol the things that are making me strong are the things that I am doing day after day, one day at a time. Getting up in the morning and saying 'Today I choose not to have a drink'. understanding more about my habits and temptations, the triggers for my drinking, and then developing and acting on tactics that will helps me (alternative drinks, planning how to stay sober). Being in the supportive company of others who struggle in the same way as I do - posting on here, reading others people's posts, reading books about other people's experience of alcoholism, sometimes going to AA meetings. All of these things help to develop my (previously weak/non-existant) non-drinking muscles.
But, like MIFLAW I know that in the past I have been powerless once I have started to drink. Even after a period of not drinking, it doesn't take long before I'm back where I started. Having the first drink, and wanting more, chasing the elusive high, getting up the next day promising to do better and by 4pm (sometimes earlier if a business lunch was on offer) be 'relaxing' with a drink. Will it always be the same? I don't know, but why would I risk it? I've been there often enough to know what the consequences have been so far.
My sister has a nut allergy - when she goes out at Christmas time her ability to graze at a buffet is severely compromised (in fact she doesn't eat from a buffet at all). She has not had a full allergic attack for a long time, but wuld she risk it for a vovl-au-vent? No. (even though she might desperately want to).
My Mum is a diabetic. When she goes out at Christmas time, there are many foods that she cannot have. She knows the consequence.
I know that my alcoholism is not like an allergy, but I do perceive it as a mental ilness (and I think there is evidence to demonstrate the impact of alcohol on the 'pleasure - centre in the brain of alcoholics) and I treat it with the same respect as my sister treats her allergy, and my mum treats her diabetes.
For me (and I accept that this is my personal approach, and the model that is helpful to me) I am powerless over alcohol and the effect it has on my brain. By treating it with seriousness, I become powerful in protecting myself from it.
Hmm... big thoughts for early on a Monday morning. have a good week everyone.