The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Christmas Party (part 1)

[TheMousefaceBeforeChristMouse]

Hello.

Welcome to The Brave Babes Bus. I'm Mouseface and I used to abuse alcohol and to be honest, there is always a risk that I'll do it again.

This is a bus journey for those who drink too much, or drink now and then, not at all, or actually aren't quite sure what their drinking means to them.

Come and meet the other Brave Babes, everyone is welcome.

Here is the history so far -

Thread 15

Thread 14

Thread 13

Thread 12

Thread 11

Thread 10

Thread 9

Thread 8

Thread 7

Thread 6

Thread 5

Thread 4

Thread 3

Thread 2

JWN's original thread

Aw zany hope things weren't to bad, and that it does allow you to move on.

Perhaps you could look at the difference between the things in your life that have a repeating pattern and those that don't... so for example, does having one drink, lead to the next, and the next etc? Yes - repeating pattern

Does meeting up with abusive ex start with you hoping for an apology and end up with hi manipulating you into feeling bad again? Yes - repeating pattern.

But with new relationships (whether they turn out good or bad) you don't have that pattern, so you don't know what will happen. Try not to read too much into the NG situation either way - isn't the 'not knowing' the stuff that makes it exciting?

As for the repeating patterns - somewhere along the line you have to stop taking the first step. Stop picking up the first drink. Stop arranging to meet with ex.

wasindie I remember the first Christmas with a baby as being very special - as others have said, the wee ones won't take much notice so it is a chance for you and dp to wallow in nostalgia and romantic optimism, to surround yourselves with fairy lights and tasty food, and grown up stuff. You have years of tacky santa stuff to come - this year is yours!

bafana understand your sadness, I remember the first Christmas that my dds were not with me with such sadness - I wallowed in self pity and howled at the moon in anguish. But some of that self-pity and abject misery was healing for me, I got through it, and it ws OK and things move on. Although even years later I can still weep at a rendition of 'little donkey'

nomore if you feel that going to your GP would help than that is the thing to do. I'd advise going with things written down - what do you want to tell him, what help / response do you want? If you think counselling would help you then write it down and ask. If you want information about specialist alcohol services in your area then ask. Your GP will not be a mind reader, so will not know whether you are looking for reassurance (others are a lot worse than you are), or whether you are looking for active help. Let him/her know. Write down the extent of your anguish so that you are not fobbed off with 'come back in 3 months if it's not better'.

Very wise words Venus as always

room for one more? i need to get back on please

welcome maristella - depending on how you feel you could hop aboard, or slink quiety up to the back. Either way, let us know what is going on and how we can help.

thank you Venus

i've just ruined what could and should have been a great weekend.
today i've vomited countless times, and my head feels like it's being wrung out.
i've let my son and my family down, i've let myself down.

i don't wish to sound self pitying. i'm gutted, today should have been great.

i want to stop sabotaging the good times

s'okay WasAway :)
in fact, last christmas day i was so hungover i vomited.

i've had some pasta, and it has stayed down thankfully.

i am ok, i have been here so many times, and frankly i'm bored of it. so i'm at a crossroads, is the only way to stop drinking altogether? why is it that sometimes when i drink i do so recklessly? i have a lot of thoughts buzzing around a very foggy brain

mari who knows about stopping altogether? But for tomorrow, the only way is not to have anything to drink tomorrow. See how that feels.

If you told me now that not drinking was 'forever' I'd probably still be going on as before - making each day my 'last day' before I give up forever. Bit today? yup, that I think I can manage. Probably tomorrow too.

Luckily on Christmas day, I have a house full of guests including my elderly parents who need taken home - I have already volunteered for that one. By the time that is done, the others in the house (who are not alcoholics) will be having a 'nice cup of tea' and cake, so the danger will be over until late in the evening when they will have a 'small glass of port' (what is the point of that?)

Not projecting, planning.

Evening all.
Well, I fell off the bus last night. I went to my old house to finish the packing and DD and I ended up spending the night there because everything took longer than expected (it's a couple of hours away). I had no computer, my phone ran out of battery And I drank. I knew I was going to do it. I didn't even enjoy the taste. I can't say I didn't enjoy the feeling, but it was so not worth it. I was rough this morning and I deserved it, but was self-loathing more than anything. I have to say I just really strongly don't want to drink now but also I really need to get to AA once I'm in my own house because then I will have some more support to beat this. Today I will not drink, and tomorrow's looking good too. Going to go and read back and reply now I've done my self-centred bit.

Evening Brave Babes.

Well, I managed not to kill any family members today AND stay sober!! Not a drop of booze in this here Mouse which is a bloody miracle given that my sister was there.

We were once very, very close. Then she married a knob (she freely admits to this) from whom she is now divorced, after less than a year of being married to him and managing to have two children with (who I adore and spoil and cuddle as often as I can)

I saw plenty of family friends and relatives who we'd not seen in years.

It was really, really lovely.

Until we got on the motorway home. We hit freezing fog. I can't stand being a passenger at the best of times (very bad car crash 3 years ago) so in bad weather I am an utter wreck.

But we were all ok, got home in one piece and here I am, sober and chatting to you.

Nice to see mari. And noteven, regardless of why you are here, you are.

Zany - hope you are okay xx

I have to say that the post venus posted about 'not projecting, planning' is a rule I live by these days.

I plan to stay sober on Christmouse Day. I plan to have plenty of soft drinks in the house at all times. I plan to plan my days away from alcohol.

One day at a time, I plan to be sober.

Wasindie - glad you are still posting.

Hi all - shit of a weekend. had to drive to Edinburgh at 1.30 am to collect hysterically sobbing DD who had had violent row with BF and fled the flat into the dark and snow and sub-zero temperatures. Took me over an hour to find her and bring her home. DH wants to kill the BF who, up to now, had been loving, caring and an absolute joy to know. I feel so gutted for both DD and BF, even though he was bang out of order and frightened her with his aggression - unheard of until now. They have been together 3 years - first love - and now i don't know wats going to happen. its very sad.

just come to say night night! im exhausted but happy - have had a lovley weekend and now thinking about a busy week ahead!

fwiw, i never think never!, i couldnt, never is a long time and to try for never and then fail would be awful!, so i just go for a day at a time, so much less daunting!

sleep babes!, see you tomorrow!

L XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Fucking hell Ma.

Are you okay? And DD? Been in her shoes. and

I hope she's ok. xx

Night Jesus xx

demented how worrying - when your dcs appear settled you just hope that everything goes OK for them. My dd1 had her heart broken by her exbf a coupkle of years ago. She is now very and settled, but I still worry about her - she didn't cope well last time.

Are you far from Edinburgh? I live a few miles away. Cold place to be wandering around last night.

wasindie - now there's a catering challenge!

wasindie - funny, we seemed to have a bit of a moment today. Like a 'thank feck you are now free from that twat man' moment.

Her best mate got her a cake the day her DN came through. I did her wedding flowers, supported her every day she was with him, congratulated her each time she concieved.

All the while wondering why she was with him.

Then I grew a pair and told her he wasn't worthy of her love and support.

It had already gone tits up but she didn't tell me. She thought I'd say 'I told you he was a twat waster'. Sorry for the bad language, I'm hormental at the mo.

Anyway. She is my flesh and blood. She's hard work, her kids are too. But they are my relations. My family.

I need to put the old 'Aunty Mouse is pissed and loud muumy' label in the bin and give her my support now she really is on her own fighting for her children and trying to stop him being granted acccess due to violence/neglet.

'Ohana. It means family. Which means nobody gets left behind'

That phrase seems to feature a lot in my life of late.

Just catching up. WasIndie, I am nodding and nodding at a lot of what you have said this weekend, not on alcohol, but on new babies and dna vs nurture. Spending money on tinies like yours is for you, and your circle, not the babies, who would probably chew happily on a loo roll, or whatever. Agreed on that.

Nature vs nurture? Nurture. Nurture. Nurture. I have thought about this ever since I watched, 'Trading Places'. Hope you have seen it. Nurture. Nurture. Nurture.

For anyone feeling fatalistic. ALCOHOLISM IS NOT A DISEASE. This is not my personal theory. I would like anyone who alleges that, 'alcoholism' is a disease offer up any evidence at all. The reason I would like to reiterate this is because if someone thinks they have a disease, they are automatically programmed to feel disempowered. Diseases like cancer, or whatever have a scientific backing. It is very important that no one feels powerless, or fated to feel in a certain way.

Wasindie, really hope you ENJOY and PHOTOGRAPH your dts' first Christmas.

Typos galore = bedtime for Mouse.

Night night lovely Brave Babes. xxx

Forthe

I think I've said this before - but, for me, alcoholism IS an illness. (I don't like the word disease, which to me implies it is catching, but illness is okay for me.)

I don't know what evidence you are after - I only have my personal experience, which is that alcoholism is a mental illness - there is something about my relationship with alcohol that is very different to my relationship with, say, fruit and nut. When I drink alcohol, my mind "flips". All I can think of is how I can continue drinking. Even if I have a whole bottle in front of me, as soon as I've had the first sip I'm wondering how to get the second bottle. If I'm in a pub with £20, I'm already wondering what to do when that runs out. And how I will drink tomorrow.

It makes me do weird stuff too. I love my daughter more than anything else - but I know I would step over her to get to a drink. I don't need to test it - I have let enough other people down when drunk to know that I would add her to the list in the blink of an eye. Or perhaps I would be a caring dad and take her to Wetherspoons with me, who knows?

And, however bad it gets me beaten, it is never enough to stop me. What finally got me sober was not anything particularly bad happening - my last drink was very VERY far from being my worst drink, either in quantity or in consequences - it was the realisation that this was never, ever going to change. That moment of sanity is the basis of my sobriety; but I also know that another drink would obscure it.

Is that an illness? Dunno. But it feels like one to me.