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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

According to my sister's fiance....

20 replies

poshsinglemum · 27/09/2010 17:28

We are a dysfunctional family and my mum is a bit batty. (ok she is but she isn't well) My sister told my mum this over the phone and now my mum is really upset.
Last time they both came to visit he was really rude to mum and my sister just shifted uncomfortably in her chair and stuck upo for him.

AIBU to have alarm bells about this guy?

OP posts:

pinkbasket · 27/09/2010 17:29

No but your sister loves him so you will have to keep him away from your mum as much as possible.

scurryfunge · 27/09/2010 17:29

He sounds like a twat but it is her choice.

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 27/09/2010 17:30

It is her choice. I give them 6 years.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/09/2010 17:41

Why did your sister choose to tell your mum this?

If my husband said something like that to me about my mum, I wouldn't tell her - even if I agreed with him! because I'd know it would hurt her.

What's the saying? - it takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart - the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

nagoo · 28/09/2010 00:39

OOh Hecate, good answer!!

Footlong · 28/09/2010 00:58

So you admit your mum is batty.... so it must be obvious.. and you want to judge him for commenting on this obvious 'battiness' to his fiance? Do you have a list of things he should be allowed to talk about with his future wife?

I mean you just told an entire message board that she is batty... he just told his future wife.

Your sister broke a trust.

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 28/09/2010 08:19

We are ALL batty to be honest.

We think he's really uptight and talks through people instead of too people but at least we don't have to marry him! He's one of those peopl who's a bit well- straight.

OP posts:

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 28/09/2010 08:22

Also Footlong- I don't give a toss what he talks about with my dsis but it's not great that my mum (who is suffering with cancer) should find out about it now and also not good that he clearly dos't like us. Apparently mum says that he has the final say in edvrything and is controlling but there you go.

If your family was being slagged off you'd be a bit pissed. He's marrying into the family. If he dosn't like us-tough.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 29/09/2010 16:23

yes, but why did your sister choose to give your mum this information?

Plumm · 29/09/2010 16:35

Your sister shouldn't have told your mum.

annh · 29/09/2010 18:59

It was your sister's choice to tell your mum. If your mum is, as you admit, "batty" do you think your sis's fiance should not have mentioned this to her? The problem lies more with her than him, in this case. And what is so awful about her marrying someone who is "straight"?

MoralDefective · 29/09/2010 20:46

What's 'batty'?....a bit eccentric maybe?..i certainly would not have told my Mum this....but i do like people who are a bit batty....often much more fun

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 29/09/2010 21:04

Yes- I do wonder why my sister told mum. I think mum was just as upset with her tbh. Mum is ill and dosn't need this.po

OP posts:

Footlong · 29/09/2010 21:35

Plenty of in laws dont like the family. It is pretty normal. But it is how he deals with it with yuor sister that matters, and simply saying 'you mum is batty' when even yuo admit she is.. hardly seems a crime. He is marrying yuor sister, not you or your mum.

You dont have to like him, you just need to support your sister, same applies to him, he doesnt have to like your mum, or you, but he has to support your sister.

I would just advse you to ignore it, the only thing that will cause your sick mother more angst is if she is involved in a 'dust up' between her daughters.

Footlong · 29/09/2010 21:37

And also ... his job isnt to make you or your mum feel better. It is to amke his partner feel better, maybbe he belives yuoa nd your mum are not good influences on his partner and is tryign to protect her? You did say yuo were a dysfunctional family. Maybe she has 'cried out for help' to him?

newwave · 30/09/2010 16:29

TBH, I would be waiting for the next "off" comment from him at which I would tell him to "go and fuck himself" as for your sister she sounds a right disloyal bitch

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 30/09/2010 19:07

Or alternatively he could be trying to poison her against us. we prob aren't the best influences but mum and dad and my sister always got on.

OP posts:

mamas12 · 30/09/2010 22:29

Well I wouldn't slag him off to your dsis.

What I would do is slag him off to his face, challenge everything he says if you don't like it, be niggling, in fact say anything you want to him.
Be nice to your sis except telling her that informing your mum was not a good idea, but maybe that was a cry for help saying this man I picked is saying horrible things, how do I fight it kind of thing.

Taghain · 01/10/2010 10:25

Yes, you're right to have alarm bells because he was rude to your mum in front of his fiancee. It's OK to be batty, and OK to tell people they are, but in a nice way.

mumonthenet · 01/10/2010 12:11

get your sister to read this

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