The Archers predictions 2011

[arentfanny]

Helen gets PND, a bit obvious as everyone is saying she is happy and sounding so surprised about it.

David to have a huge breakdown.

Rooooth and Brine to have a raging affair in the milking parlour.

Is it too much to ask that Prize Bore Will Grundy gets between the guns and the pheasants at one of Brian's shoots? And I'm rather hoping that some of the youngsters (chunky grumpy Jamie?) embark on semi-criminal careers... give the Grundy's a bit of competition.

Helen DOESN'T suffer a baby bereavement and swap her dead baby with someone else's.

.... before mercy-killing Jack Woolley with an organic yoghurt....

I guess they will bring in some more ghastly characters to kill the show off. Nigel's gone so an obnoxious bloke will be brought in. How about a vile controlling boyfriend for Fallon, who wants to take over the pub.

Or Clive Horrbin gets out of prison, only he's been radicalised and is now called Jamal bin Horribin-Laden, and he tries to sabotage the over 60's outing to "Bacon World", only Mr Pullen defends the ladies on the coach using his zimmer frame..

Or how about, Peggy starts emailing a nice chap who needs her help to get his millions out of a swiss bank, and he becomes her toyboy after she flies off to meet him in Haiti and they use the rest of the Grey Gables money for her to have ivf/doner egg treatment so that she can become the world's oldest mum.

Oi Vanessa Whitburn - ideas as stupid as people climbing up on an icy roof in the dark!

Have a feeling Joleen and Kenton will be comforting each other.... nightly..... any minute now. About time Joleen The Human Cleavage got her mojo back.

Oh yes, Kenton and Joleen,(or even Fallon), a bit of happiness at last

I think the same about Kenton and Joleen. God, Kathy will slit her wrists, she's so miserable all the time. Will Fallon and Harry ever get together? Shula and Susan Carter die of shocking haemorrhoids?

I still think there is something strange about Harry,but,considering how much fuss his making about cooking Jazzer a supper,I think he is going to make a pass at Jaz.

Yes. Harry is unnaturally nice.

It can't end well.

I suspect he would fail a CRB check horribly....

Peggy Archer to found Pension Book; a social networking site for society's more, erm, experienced members....

Matt's brother will come back on the scene

Kate will reappear with her other dc, having left Lucas in SA, and expect Brine and Jenny to support them all indefinitely

Kathy will become a recluse and an alcoholic, and Jamie will move out and become an apprentice butcher in Felpersham

Brenda will get pg by accident and be really hacked off about it

I agree that they've got something planned for Harry. I hope that the big reveal isn't that he's gay, though. How unimaginative.

It would be much more fun if it turned out he was an undercover police officer sent in to find out who was supplying booze to under-age Jamie and all his drunken mates.

Or that he's Chalkman's son, working at getting his feet under the table at the Bull so they can be first in line to snap it up once it goes on the market in a bid to kick-start Chalkman's business empire once again.

Or maybe he's going to get together with Amy and Jazzer in some bohemian ménage à trois. That could lead Alan-the-groovy-vicar to have a crisis of conscience over whether to support his daughter or to speak his mind. Meanwhile, Shula lurks in the background like the ghost of Christmas past and with a mouth like a cat's ringpiece.

Snork at your predictions re Shula, Snorbs!

Definitely Kenton and Jolene will get together at some point soon. Jamie will move in with them at the Bull. Kathy, unable to turn to Pat with her woes cos it's not Tuesday, will attempt a lonely suicide. (She won't succeed though as there's only so many characters can be killed off each year)

Pheobe will eventually tell her "mum" Kate where to get off. Cue much faux hand-wringing and self-righteous carping from the Katewitch. Hopefully she will then bugger off back to SA for good but sadly I doubt it!

Emmur to have twins. No, triplets. Or has she already had her 12 week scan? No matter - if Hellin-the-Obsessive could remain ignorant of the symptoms of the most common serious pregnancy complication, I'm sure the writers can tweak things so's the sonographer 'missed it' at the first scan!

Kenton and Jolene to pair off and run away to NZ. (Am being daft but have only just realised the circularity of this very flagged-up pairing: Sid was with Kathy, then with Jolene, then Kenton with Kathy and now Kenton with Jolene. Oh well, the happy couple will have lots to share about ex-partners!)

Harry is really a woman. Jazzer will question his sexuality as they grow ever-closer, and then there will be a big, ahem, reveal, a la Crying Game (only the other way round, IYSWIM). So that's alright, then.

kenton and jolene seems like a sealed deal.

elizabeth is bound to com eoff the rails fully. the stepford twins are going to form a suicide pact of some kind when Freddy fails the exam.

Ruarrrgh has to be gay. All these 'He's such a sensitive boy' comments have to go somewhere.

Peep must die. It just won't be soon enough, or this coming year. I think the Abominable Jude is going to come back.

Kate and Phoebe - Kate told to go and insert expletive here ? phoebe back in loving arms of roy and hayley. Hayley goes psycho at Kate and gets arrested. Phoebe pleads with Kate to drop charges, she does, then goes back to SA to her other family for a bit.

Jenny Aldridge is surely due an affair by now? Does Ruarrrgh have any fit teachers?

Loving all of these.
I have just remembered I need to listen again

Elizabeth's grieving widow dialogue needs work or she'll end up in her own breakaway Edwardian costume drama. At the moment it's all uncannily like 'The Railway Children'... "Daddy! My daddy!"

pmsl at costume drama...

Pip crashes into Helen as she wheels her baby across the green, Ian is so distressed he has an affair with Harry or Brian, who gets in touch with his feminine side.

Emma becomes so jealous because Carrie keeps going on about her that she goes around to the cottage and tops the perfect Nic.

David is away so much that Ruth gets in the cowman to help out in so many different ways.

rodformyownback crying at the "it's not Tuesday" comment. :o

How about Emmer becoming all SWF and trying to be Nic?
Or Elizabeth trying to give David so much of Nigel's work that she starts to imagine she is him and comes on to him?

Or David is so tired birthing a calf with his hand in the cows bottom that he falls asleep and gets sucked in and noone can ever find him again.....

Something fun/daring needs to happen to Kirsty she's too jolly, keeping it all going with Helen and Kenton's businesses etc. She needs to have some va va voom in her life as they only excitement she has now is coming up with a 40p off promotion on winter stew packs!

I hope Kenton raises the cash to buy Lillians share of The Bull.
He could settle down with Jolene and that nasty Matt would have his plans spoilt.