Can't find a house we like where we live. How do we decide what we compromise on?

[pernickety]

We moved twoish years ago for Dh's job. Couldn't sell our house so rented and rented our house out. We had a child already in Reception at school. Put her in the best school that had a place at the time - a few miles from where we could rent a house. We moved her in Year2 to our local school and in lieu of having to make school application for our youngest. We planned to buy a house in this area when we sold our house.

We sold our house this year. We can't find a house we like for our budget and feel restricted by trying to stay within a mile or so of DD's school. There's not much turnaround of houses in this area - hasn't been for about 6 months. I don't know what is going on but after two years of living in a not that great rental house I am desperate for this situation to change.

I'm also regretting having committed ourselves to this area. There are areas I like more - about 5 miles away. But that would mean driving children to school for 4 years until at least the eldest started secondary school. And lots more (initial) disruption for our children who haven't had much of a settled life for the last two years.

Will we regret moving so far away from the children's school or is that quite a normal thing to do? Or do we stick close to the school and hold out for an unknown amount of time for a good house to come up? Both this area and the other area we like have good secondary schools.

Oh and did I mention that I am feeling despearte!?! We need a home. The other option is to move to another rental but DH is not so keen on that option due to the expense and hassle. But I hate this house and staying here with no timescale for a get out is not acceptable either!

Hi. I am sorry you feel so unhappy. We are moving and I know how difficult it is to work out what to do for the best with your children as well as all the other factors.

It may just be because of my current position, but I think I would prioritise keeping my children happy over moving to a completely new area where you might not be happy anyway. I am moving DD at the end of reception and she is really sad to be leaving her friends. I do not think I would want to do it again 2 years down the line and I also don't think I'd want to move 5 miles from the school because it would make after school activities hard, especially with two children.

Personally, in your position, I would stay in the same area (as long as you don't dislike it in its own right) but I would move to a new rental house. That could give you a compromise and make you feel more like you have a "home". Your DH is right that there is some cost involved, but less costly than buying the wrong place or disrupting your DCs' education.

The area is fine but there's not a lot of great housing in the area - it is quite an urban area that is popular just because of the secondary school - which gained its status merely on being the ex-grammar school many moons ago. That means there is a lot of better housing in other parts of the town and outside of the town. which means good sized + good condition houses on good streets are rarer here. And no-one seems to be selling here. Argh. It's a nice enough area but it wouldn't be my first choice of places to live. It's a bit lacking in green spaces.

I'm wishing I had persuaded DH to move outside of town two years ago when we moved but 'we' had this great plan that we did not want to spend all our time in the car driving to things - but we have ended up having to drive quite a distance to activities for the chidlren anyway as not much goes on in the side we live. I don't even have a library I can walk to. Regrets are hard to swallow. I know it's futile to rumminate over and over.....

We bought a compromise house near to an amazing school, and although I could walk to school we had to drive to everything else as there was nothing near us not even a park.

Now we have moved to a different area (we get siblings in so my youngest will start September time) and I now have to drive to school.

But I have absolutely no regrets. The house is better, we are opposite a park, there are more amenities and a leisure centre for swimming, library, small town to shop in etc.

The school run isn't so bad and we chose to move when I have to make 3 trips there and back because ds2 is in the preschool there! We park several streets away even in torrential rain (I would have walked them from the last house which was much further) so they still get a bit of a walk to school and I don't get caught up in all the school parking madness.

I would rather drive to school and have parks on my doorstep for weekends etc.

Thank you Fizzy Lemonade - it is interesting to hear how it has worked out for you. Does it affect your children in anyway, not having friends from their school as 'neighbours'? I can't work out how important that is or isn't.

It sounds as if your criterion of living within one mile of school is way too restrictive.

It's a very urban, densely popualted area - a town that is more like a city. A one mile radius is probably the catchment area for the school. I could move 3 miles out in several directions and I would pass 4 or 5 schools on my way to my daughter's.

I have no benchmark for what is normal or an odd thing to do (since I don't have more than vague acquainatnces in this area still) Is it strange to live drive 5 miles to school when you also live in an area with good schools (which is what the situation would be if we moved out of the main town)?

Are there factors I haven't considered?

You don't have to go to your nearest school, and driving 5 miles to school is quite, quite normal in rural areas or if you go to private school.

A few years ago we wanted to move nearer to the children's secondary school and also for better public transport links. We were looking in about a mile radius so we compromised. We bought a small place, slept in the living room (gave the kid the 2 bedrooms) and extended. We now have a lovely home (that would have been out of our price range) and in the area we wanted.

My point being that if you liked the area you live in you may be able to make a house into the one you want.

However I agree with fizzylemonade. I think you would be happier in an another area. If you have to drive places it's worth it.

Also I had to move my DD at the end of Reception year and she settled into her new school really well. Children adapt well at this age to change - much harder when they are older. HTH

I think you should find a lovely family home you can afford, in an area you will be happy to live in - then decide whether to move the DC's to a school closer or to drive them to their current school.

I did a 6 mile school run for a year, it was no problem. It was a private school, quite remote, so none of the children walked to school anyway. However, had we lived somewhere with a good local school I would have done that, as I think it's ideal if the kids walk to school and have school friends who live near by.

My first priority would be to buy a great family home though - then deal with everything else....

Hi All,
Really interested to read this thread. My 'problem' is we've just accepted an offer on our house, but I'm worried we won't be able to find a suitable house to buy ourselves. We are trying to buy within 200m of a certain school, so our criteria are severely restrictive.
I'm four months pregnant, so what do I do if we can't find anything to buy in time? Should we rent near the good school? My daughter is three - would it be very disruptive for her to move twice - i.e. first to a rental house, then to another house assuming we eventually find something suitable to buy?
All advice welcome!