where is home?

[jetforkesandbonfires]

My 12 month starter tenancy is up at Christmas, meaning i can then apply for exchanges etc.

I have lived in this small town for the past 8 years now, and it still doesnt feel like home But, the problem is, having moved around so much, especially as a child, no-where really feels like home.

I dont have much family - a sister 300 miles north from me, and kids grandparents 300 miles south, neither of which i would fancy moving to tbh.

I have one DD in yr 8, and 1 DD about to start school nursery, so am thinking it is either time to move now, before DD1 gets too far into her secondary school, or put things on hold until she finishes (i moved 3 times in later years at secondary school and hated it)

Does anyone have any ideas on how to find somewhere to put down roots, and what helps to establish those roots?

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I think it comes down to luck. Sometimes you just click with a place, just like you can click with a house. It happened to me where we used to live in the UK - loved my house, lots of really friendly neighbours, loads of families with children same age as mine, good schools close by. It was all just "right" even though I knew no-one when we first moved to the area.

We moved away this year for 2-4 years and where I am now just isn't right. Can't explain it but I can't imagine ever wanting to settle here and spend the rest of my life here, whereas the other place is somewhere I can imagine growing old in.

But don't forget the bluebird story - you can go all around the world looking for happiness and sometimes it's right at home, you just didn't realise it.

We're going through a similar dilemma at the moment wondering what to do for the long term. We rent in a small village which is too expensive for us to buy a place in. We're fed up with renting the house cos it needs a lot of work which landlord won't do. But kids are happy and ds is at the local school. I can't say I really feel at home here either and like you, I don't really have roots as I would never go back to the place where I was brought up.

Not sure what the answer is really! A place can be home if you stick at it long enough I suppose....

Oh don't. We may have enough money to move next year and while our house is stupidly small and I rail against living there on a daily basis, the idea of moving terrifies me because, realistically, there is nothing keeping us in the town we are in. And so, we often discuss the option of Going Away.
Ours is a very pleasant town, much lauded by property programmes etc and we have friends etc but...
I don't feel loyal to it, like it's my HOME.
But then, I don't know where would be home?
The small town where my mother lives is quite 'homely' as i grew up there but I could never move there as it has only has 2 educational options - a selective grammar (which my dyslexic ds would not be allowed in) or a notoriously shocking 'other'.

DH's mother lives in a pleasant seaside town - but dh would rather gnaw off his own leg than return there.

The idea of upping and starting again elsewhere is really hard as without the bonding over babies thing, or Old Friends network, I can't imagine how we would ever make new friends now we are Old and Farty....

scottie - i think the longest i have lived in one town (though not necessarily the same house)is about 9 years, so i am only one year short from that in this town, and yet it doesnt feel any different to when i first moved here

Mind, i dont have a big friendship circle that i would miss (they have already moved away) and DD has minor SN which means she would struggle to fit in anywhere - be it a new school or a school she has been at for years

CLara - i think the bluebird thing is what i am worried about - that no were will actually give me the feeling of 'belonging' that i errm, long for and i will drag my kids all over looking for it - resulting in them having the same problem when they are grown. As you can probably tell, there is no DP to factor in the equation, maybe if there was, there wouldnt be an issue

molly, you sound as undecided as i am!

hi i havent posted for ages but this caught my eye. I moved around loads as a child and stayed for nearly 20 years in a place i knew i didnt want to be. then small village but its never too late i moved last year and im in my mid forties . kids have settled well in school still one at primary and i have met loads of lovely people. id say go for it. I got very lazy where i used to live and ended up not making any effort but when you move you have to and its great cos you can reinvent yourself to some extent. Im much happier here tho dh has to work away. just think kids will leave home i want to be somewhere i like and not move when im ancient.

cheescone - thanks for your lovely post

I think youve hit the nail on the head - i figure if i move somewhere new, i can reinvent myself - i am trying to overcome serious anxiety and depression, and figure that when i feel a bit stronger, a new start may just be what is needed!

WIll keep looking on homeswap for ideas

Thats a really interesting post Cheesescone..

I want to move for all the reasons you have suggested. My dd has mild SN too, jetforkesandbonfires which makes the decision more difficult as we have support services in place. But I think if you are still not settled after 9 years it may be time to take the plunge.

Good luck, whatever your decision

thanks scottie

We are just in the process of setting up support for her, so i suppose it would mean starting from scratch again