Wanting to move again soon after purchase

[WishingForHome]

Hello, been reading these forums for the past few months to try get some clarity but 3 months on I'm still spiralling. Partner and I bought a lovely 4 bed house a few months ago with the idea we'll stay there to raise kids when we have them and I was so excited during the whole process. For context: we picked the location to be in the middle of our two families so we're now two hours from both sets of parents.

His family now want to move the next road over and I'm desperately missing my own family which I didn't expect. I spent the past 5 years living 20 mins from them but the 5 years prior I was consistently over an hour away. I think the reality of not having my family unit close by when we have kids is really draining me as I grew up with a close knit family unit of aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all within 30 mins and we saw each other frequently. Partner and I have spoken about this and he's disappointed as this is his first property and we're in a much nicer area, but has said he's willing to check in again in a year and we'll move if I'm still not okay.

Ours jobs are both still down near my family so our commute would shrink again by going back, but we would have to get a smaller house and we probably can't be as close to my parents as I would like. Am I being selfish to ask this of him?
(as for his parents: his sister lives on the coast near my family so if they went to her and we went down next year, we could all be closer than we are now)

You want to be there, your family is there, your jobs are there... Feels perfectly reasonable. No harm in rethinking and going back, happens all the time.

I have lived 2h, 4h, 30m and 40m from my parents and always 4h from my in-laws..

I'd say the 2h away was the worst of the distances and I wouldn't move to 2h away from all family if the intention is to get their help a at 4.nd support with a new family. It's too far away for a cry on the phone and ask to come over but also not so far that coming for longer seems a reasonable ask.

My partner and I made the decision that we couldn't be closer than 30 minutes from my parents but also couldn't be further than 2h away. We need the distance so that they have to ask to come over and it just drop in on the off chance of us being free but also not so far away that they stay overnight as it's not reasonable to do there and back in a day. My in-laws we both are happy for them to stay for a week as often as they like and they are looking to move to our town.

If you are planning children I would also have a think about commutes and the impact that has on child care. We ended up using child care in a different town as all the nurseries operated 8-4.30 hours and we couldn't work full time with commutes with those hours. When I was in the office I did drop off at 7.30 getting into the office for 9 and if I got the early train (leaving work at 4.30) I did the pick up at 5.30 but had an hour to make up later in the week or I got the later train and my partner did the pick up. He works 7.45-4.45 with an hour's drive so as long as unexpected traffic wasn't a problem he could get back before it closed at 6

Ahh I wouldn’t like this either - are they only moving because you have moved there?

if you did move closer to your parents and his sister is near there, would his parents not be better to move closer to there anyway (if they want to of course )

it’s definitely easier to move before having kids than after !

I think it would be better if they moved there too as we'd all be closer together then (if/when we move again).

Yes, we're the only reason they're looking here. They like the town but they have no other family and friends near here

It's just hard as we've bought, so it'll be a while before going back is even feasible

The support I'd want from them would be entirely emotional as I don't want to put childcare on them (unless they want to have a day with kids but that's their choice). Yeah, I thought two hours would be fine as the drive is doable but it's not easy to go as often as I'd like

(Duplicated message, oops)

We haven't used grandparents for regular childcare just the ad-hoc - we have had a busy week at work, we were ill last weekend and the housework is overwhelming us can you take the kids for Saturday afternoon so we can sort out the house sort of thing.

My mum and dad have been taking my daughter to her swimming lessons once a week since we have had our second which has been an utter lifesaver. We are just coming to the end of the autumn half term and we have spent the last 6 weeks with at least one of us unwell. My parents picked up the 6yo on Monday and had her at their house from 10.30 til 5, me and 1 yo joined them around 3 after we both had a decent nap. My in-laws have been up for a few days and I've been laid up in bed for the last 2 days with a cold and my partner and mother-in-law have done all my washing for me.

It's the little things that make the big difference.

I'm not currently working but when I was it was handy that my mum was 30 minutes away if my daughter was off ill from nursery, later school as it meant I could do at least half a day of work in between caring for her.