Downsizing

[2longinthetooth]

We are in the process of downsizing from a 5 bed with double garage to a 3 bed single garage. Dh is a little grumpy as single garage is smaller and he didnt realise how small. He does have a hoarding instinct. Ive shifted alot of stuff and have been ruthless. My husband is now thinking this is a mistake. I firmly do not as I had a life and career changing injury yrs ago, cleaning and usually the maintence of the garden etc was left to me. There is only us, teeen and 2 small dogs. The new house has a lovely flow and tbh really good storage. Ive tried to explain that our son does not want all our crap but hes reluctant to part with yrs of unimportant stuff. We have exchanged on our current house so we are doing it but its hard to chivvy him along. How has other downsizers found the process and was it worth it

We have downsized earlier this year. Large 3 bed with outbuildings and heaps of storage outside to a small 2 bedroomed bungalow.

We were ruthless in what we threw away, passed on, gave away for free and recycled.

Its a difficult process, throwing away things or giving away things that you have had for years so I get its difficult for him. But you can't hold on to the past and this a new chapter for you so he needs to look forwards and you will make it work.

We went through everything together, and put aside stuff to keep such as keepsakes and sentimental stuff and we bought the plastic lidded boxes for them. Everything else either went on the skip, if it was rubbish or on Facebook free sites and people came and picked the items up if they wanted them. I actually found it good giving away things to people who could use our unwanted furniture as they were stating out and didn't have much money, or people who could use things instead of us throwing them on a skip. You will be surprised with what people will take, and can use.

Once moved in, we have found places for things, and storage solutions that have been a game changer for us, that we couldn't see, or didn't think of until we moved in and we have an amazing boarded loft, ripe for conversion if we wish (but we won't) which we have utilised for storage. We have carpeted up there with spare carpet that we ripped up from the lounge and DH has organised all his things in boxes and everything is so easily accessible via the pull down loft ladder.

You will make it work and find a place for everything. But with downsizing you do have to be a bit brutal. All the stuff that fit into a 5 bed, won't fit into a 3.

But we love our new home. Less rooms to clean and vac, smaller garden which takes no time at all to maintain and mow and we are not spending our valuable time at weekends cleaning and mopping, weeding and mowing.

Our lives have changed for the better and we have not regretted the move for a second. We have decorated our new home and made some changes to make the spaces work for us and our dogs, with a guest room for when either of our adult DC want to come home and visit.

We downsized two years ago from a large 4 bed town house with garage to a 3 bed semi with no garage.

It was hard to start with, we had to get rid of a LOT of stuff but once we started it was very cathartic.

When we moved we realised we had to do another shift of stuff again.

What we found was adding storage to your new home is key. We bought a shed so that helped. Bought baskets and boxes for on top of wardrobes or under beds. We needed a new bed so bought an ottoman one. We also had the loft boarded out, a light and ladder added.

After two years we have just about sorted it and we love it. Our loft is actually pretty empty now.

Don’t let him get away with it. Just get rid of you genuinely think the stuff is surplus. There’s nothing wrong with having stuff simply because you like it but it has to be worth liking iyswim. DH tried to hang on to bundles of cables, old magazines, defunct tech. He would never have been able to find any of it even if we’d kept it. Don’t be too accommodating

We sold or gave away loads from our 4 bed house and did tip runs for anything else. We found we still needed to sell some furniture after we moved, because it just didn't fit properly.

One of the bedrooms is now a dressing room, so has a very big wardrobe for storage, as well as under bed storage and the spare room bed is an ottoman. We don’t have anything in the loft as there’s so much insulation, nothing fits, but that’s fine. The garage is a single, but fits shelving and racks, as well as the car, so DH is happy.

Less cleaning is always a bonus.

@ThereIsSomethingWrongWithTheLeftFilangeive been brutal, ive also given alot away, makes me feel great that someone can benefit from furniture, tools etc. Its nice having something free. Ive left loads for the buyer. Skip knows us by name now. We dknt even have to show identification.

@BG2015this is what I keep saying to DH we can buy a shed, put it behind garage. Plus the attic.

Yes you just need to be super organised with storage!

@Davros had to laugh because dh agonized over getting rid of bungy rope and wires. Tbh now I just throw stuff out. Im losing the will to live with the time it takes him to decide.

@Buscobelyyes the house we are going to, the 3rd bedroom is set up as a storage room, opened the fitted wardrobes they are huge and it has a cupboard over the stairs. I think hes panicking over nowt.

OP, I think there are two issues here:

The first is downsizing. This can be done, with lots of practical ideas given by other posters previously. In my experience, it's possible to be ruthless for a short period of time, with a short-term goal in mind (moving to a smaller property), even for people who think they can't bear to part with anything.

Unfortunately, the second issue is hoarding. If DH is actually a hoarder, moving to a smaller property will not make him keep hoarding (I say this from family experience of the problem). It just means your smaller home will get filled up more quickly. Renting external storage will also not solve the problem. You will soon find yourself renting more and more storage.

Hoarding is a psychological issue, and therapy can help, but your DH will need to want to accept help. It's not an easy road. I sincerely hope you have only a downsizing problem. Very good luck to you in your move.
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We downsized from a very large house, we have never missed any of the items we gave away or dumped. You won’t regret it. Good luck for your move.

I've downsized from a three bed house to a tiny two bed cottage and absolutely love it. Easier to clean, cheaper to heat and just so cute. It's really made me think about how much 'stuff' you actually need and use and how much just sits in unopened boxes waiting to go to the charity shop after you die.

Sometimes now I catch a glimpse into other people's garages and think they've got more stuff in that single garage than I have in my cottage. They surely haven't seen the stuff at the back of that garage for years.

Well one persons junk is anothers treasure.

I've met people who hoard too much and also met people who think everyone elses belongings are junk and should be thrown away.

It should of course be a compromise between these two points.

There is no reason that he should be forced to ditch all his stuff just because you want to live a minimalist lifestyle. But the amount of stuff he keeps has to be realistic.

I would try and focus on the bulky stuff to get rid off.

But would also consider storage if he is desperate to hang onto stuff. You can get a container probably for £150 a month and put a lot of stuff in that, esp if it is tools and other non perishable equipment.

You can also consider a shed in the garden.

My biggest help in moving house was the £20 rule. If it costs less than that to replace, and I don't use the item regularly, then it goes. I'm talking about ropes, cables, iron (and ironing board), excess tupperware, crockery or towels etc.

By getting rid of excess bedding and towels that "might" be needed I freed up a whole wardrobe-sized cupboard 😱 Now multiply that across cultery/crockery, saucepans etc. You basically get two rooms worth of space back just by getting rid of cheap to replace items (and you never replace btw).

Now look at his stuff. Is he also hoarding multiple sizes of screws/nails, nuts and bolts, glue guns, broken tools, scraps of wood or pipes? By getting rid of things like that I reclaimed half a garage back from exh.

Thanks for the replies, we have been together so long, im well versed in how he behaves, when we first met he had a home and so did I, his home was proper hoarder, hes suffered alot of loss in his life and this is how hoarding manifests. At the start we managed to get it down to a garage worth of stuff. Sentimental stuff only, what i wont comprimise on is tat like cable ties, toilet roll centres, wires, papers, etc and no we are not talking about 1 or 2 packs of cable ties, try 80 packs, at 1 point he had over 150 t shirts, its extreme, its never 1 or 2 things, in the garage he had 50 screw drivers. This is my home as well and I have to protect our son. The amount of items no one could use in a lifetime. So now we are downsizing, my son has a few boxes of sentimental stuff, yet my dh wants half a garage of childhood stuff. Yes keep 1or 2 trains but not 300. Not fair. There is no way id entertain storage unit because 1 would become 10, thats how his brain operates, if you dont reign it in he spirals, he does it with food, if you say you like salt and vinegar crisps, next few weeks there will be 20 multipacks in the house. The amount of food ive had to throw or give away is criminal. Therefore I have to keep a tight ship. Otherwise its becomes chaos, I dont want my son to think that is normal. I know he would never go for therapy and its amazing he tolerates me skipping stuff.
Obviously downsizing has now caused the anxiety of skipping stuff again. Its hard work when you know youve only a limited space but there is alot of excess not needed. The battle is real. Tbh we have made great strides this weekend and the trains are gone, so is the war hammer with reluctance, hes kept 1 box of real sentimental stuff. Now its manageable.
Im not for needlessly throwing good stuff away because when youve not had any money you value stuff more and understand its not easily replaced but you have to draw a line in the sand, life is for living and your home is not a storage unit.

This reply made me laugh.

as an allotmenter/gardener I can assure you, unbleached toilet roll centres are a godsend for seedlings - you can never have to many!! As for cable ties they are extremely handy for things and they do not go off!!

You say you’ve exchanged so thus must be getting abit daunting for both of you for different reasons, but round here if you take on a storage unit for six months you get it for half price, you’ve already got it out of the house, and then the attachment will start to fade too.

@Fridgemanageress how many toilet roll centres do you want because my dh had 2 black bags ffs. He doesnt even garden. Has zero interest in it. The storage idea is not how this works with a hoarder. It doesnt fade infact it spurs them on because now there is a viable option to hoard more. Its the " its ok its going to storage". 1 becomes 2 then 10. That's how this works. Its a full on mental illness, over the yrs ive been sympathetic, ive rationalised, tried to make him see its not the objects that give him security, angry, blase, devious, found it funny and fed up. To control the impulse the other party has to say no. Some people have divorced over it, it ruins families, kids lives because of the embarrassment. We have a strong relationship but we have been tested. After the final push this weekend we are almost cleared out. Even last night after we cleared out he,s talking about buying more.

The storage solution worked with me and my collection of things. It was out of the old house and I really wanted the new house to stay new, so yes the allotment did get alot of its thst had been saved at the house for “one day” at the allotment, my husband put the units up to store my prize collections, but selling off the duplicates suddenly wasn’t a problem.

I totally know why hoarding is in my make up, my MIL explained it too him, but I’m not the type of hoarder that buys stuff and forgets where it is under mountains of tut - I can’t afford that and I know I would be divorced.

im sorry if I offended you, but hoarding isn’t a one size fits all

@Fridgemanageressoh god no offense taken, when it comes to this topic ive see it all. Like you say there is a spectrum of hoarders, I mean my dh doesnt collect urine or anything mega extreme and what works for 1 doesnt work for others. That's why im surprised he will let me skip stuff. Some just cant it causes extreme anxiety.
On this occasion tho we are up against a deadline and I dont have the time or patience to faff about. Its an awful affliction to be so tied to objects that mean nothing.