Sad after moving

[Sliverofdarkness]

We moved house 8 months ago. Traded up for more space. I still feel very down though and can't stop thinking about the old house, it was much brighter inside and the kitchen was more spacious even though it was smaller.

Our kids all have their own rooms in the new house, and are much closer to their friends so they're happy. Even seeing them in their own rooms is making me sad, as they look so alone compared to when they were sharing.

We also seem to have endless maintenance in the new house and garden and things breaking, leaks, and building work we need to do. I feel like I have no energy to deal with any of it. Selling and buying took up a huge amount of time and energy last year and was very stressful, but I thought I'd be over it and feeling settled by now. Every time we go home from somewhere I feel sad we're not going back to our old house. Is that normal?

I think what you're feeling is normal. We live in a tiny house but I am aware that it has it's plusses in that it weirdly makes you closer emotionally if that makes sense. Because we can just raise our voices and everyone else can hear us and we all know exactly where everyone else is and what they're doing. My sister lives in a huge house, which might be lovely on one level, and I would definitely swap with her, but I can see that I would lose something indefinable. BUT for you OP, your kids do need their own rooms as they get older, and the fact that they're closer to their friends is fantastic. Focus on those things.

I like to tinker so I'd probably be playing with ideas to make me love the house. 8 months is a long time to still be missing your old house, you must've been very attached. What made you want this new house in the first place, and why did you want to move? Maybe reminding yourself of those reasons might help?

When we moved into our current house, i never thought I'd get used to it. It never felt like my home as it was somebody else's decor and design and I felt like a homesick visitor for months. We replaced the kitchen and bathroom and decorated but that took months and months. However, weirdly, the biggest, cheapest, quickest impact came from changing the carpets, not just because I hated the previous owner's choice, but it changed everything - the light, the sound as we moved about, the sensation beneath my feet, the smell, the feeling that I'd finally removed all trace of the previous owners.

Give yourself some time; moving is a massive stressor and we don't all cope and recover in the same way. Make your own mark on the new house, replace carpet or do whatever you think will be a quick win for you which doesn't involve grim maintenance and diy if that's not your thing.

I totally understand this, but it’s still early days if this is a house that is a “project”. It may be that when you’ve done some of the work you will start to feel differently. It’s hard when you can’t see the positive results yet.
I’m unfortunately in the situation of 10 years down the line and still regretting our move 🙁

Yes I understand, we are in this process and I will be sad leaving my home

I have moved quite a few times, and tend to miss the garden more. I'm a keen gardener, and plants take time to establish. And even if you take cuttings, they sometimes don't like the new garden.

My husband wants us to downsize so the opposite of you but I love my house🥹 He keeps showing me small houses and I’m trying to be positive,he says I’m being fussy and negative.I just don’t want to move basically and our budget isn’t that great as we want to clear our mortgage so we’re looking at houses that are really starter homes even though we’re in our 60s

I’ve moved twice in my life. The first move was to a new house from an old terraced, and I loved the modern house and it was bigger, so no regrets. The second move was from the modern house which I got bored of as there was no excitement to it, especially the small garden, to an 1800 house, oozing with character and a large 2 acre garden, which interests me no end. Advantage is you can have a room each and not put up snoring from someone else sharing with you.

Even though the old house now is far more work, every other house I see doesn’t have any appeal.

Enjoy the space op, but how can the kitchen be more spacious even though it was smaller 🤔 is there an island in this kitchen ?

It sounds like you're a bit depressed and you're blaming the house, which by all accounts is an upgrade. A more convenient location, more space and making everyone else happier.

You say the kids are happy as they are near their friends but yet you feel sad for them as you think they are lonely. Why would they be lonely if they are closer to friends? And having their own rooms is surely amazing to them!

I think this is a 'you' problem, not the house. Are you peri menopausal? Because it can heighten your anxiety badly. Try to rationalise that you have made a great move and that it make you a while to settle but you will eventually. Enjoy your new home :)

Our previous house had an open plan, kitchen - dining - sitting room. It did annoy me sometimes that it was too noisy, but the new house has a separate kitchen and dining room.. The kitchen feels a lot smaller. We're hoping to knock out the wall between kitchen and dining but will have to dig up the floor to move radiators and get a steel beam etc, so not a simple job... The new house has more bedrooms and overall is a lot bigger, just not as great a layout downstairs as the old one..

I can beat you. 15 years later still missing my old house.
😪

Don’t let your husband bully you into moving. There’s nothing worse than leaving somewhere that you’re emotionally attached to. Take your time and don’t buy something you don’t like.

Get the wall moved between the kitchen and dining room. Stop putting it off. It won't feel like a home while you're using a temporary kitchen that's too small. Start planning today and make it your own.

OP I feel like you're describing me. We moved 4 months ago. Slightly different in that DC had their own bedrooms before, but their rooms (and ours) are much bigger in the new place. Overall it's much bigger than the old house, but we also have the situation with lots of separate rooms downstairs versus open plan with bright bifolds in the old house. Similar to you we will also be knocking down walls and moving radiators.

It doesn't feel like my house yet and needs a lot of decorating, new flooring throughout and so on. It's time consuming and I'm beginning to resent the work (and cost).

Houses are like a family member, you get so attached

I moved ten months ago and I am only just now starting to fully settle in. Our old house like yours was smaller but very light with a lovely big new kitchen. We moved areas as well and its taken a while to adjust. I was thinking just yesterday, it really does take a year to sully settle into a new house I think, but you will. We are still decorating and it feels like its taking forever too and we have now run out of money, but it is finally starting to feel like home.

This house is where I live but my last house is still referred to as home , after 13 years!