In a dilemma

[Flowersandthorns]

We are selling the family home due to divorce. I am in my fifties so keen to not overstretch with a mortgage at this point. I have a mid twenties child travelling and 2 away at uni. Would you choose:

1. 3 bed house in a tricky area
2. 2 bed house in a safe area but not a nice house
3. A lovely 2 bed flat in a safe area

Thanks!

@rwalker would you mind telling me the issues with a freehold coach house - sorry I am new to some of this hence all the questions :)

I guess the issue is I am getting divorced and currently live in a beautiful house that feels homely and that I enjoy being in.

The flats would have the same feelings whereas the houses are like the houses I loved in at the start of marriage when we didn't have much money and kind of made the most. I guess it is a gut feeling that I want to come home from my stressful drop to somewhere that feels a bit luxurious. Is that ridiculous? It is so hard to know. The houses are like a first starter home before you have your first child. I am sure I am making no sense :)

@pinkdelight the part about prioritising my needs brought a tear to my eye. I have always always always put my children, husband and work a million miles ahead of me which is probably why I am dithering so much now. I am wavering about buying a house which I will live in alone for probably at least 3/4 of the year because of the children. They aren't even asking me to do this!!!

@lobeydosser they have a good relationship with their dad so I am sure they would be happy to stay with him. I guess they would decide where they love and I think maybe generic spare rooms is the way to go. But what about all their stuff?! My children are really independent and if sat down would say to prioritise myself. My husband told me he is leaving, although I do agree it is best (he had an affair and it has just ruined us too much to ever get back to a happy calm place) and maybe this is a psychological thing of accepting my children have grown up and the traditional family household has now finished. Sorry this is more relationships forum than property!

@Daffodilsinthespring that is a good idea. Two of my children are girls and one of these is the traveller so nets are she will either be abroad, living independently or.lovong with me and saving up. The 2 of them could definitely share. Then maybe the boy in the other bedroom if it is for a while in the holidays and I get a good sofa bed. That is definitely doable.

Just get the flat. Its what makes your heart sing.

You will figure out the rest.

@KlippityKloppity you are right!! I love your comment. I want my heart to sing again after it has been in hibernation! The difference I have also realised is size of rooms - the flats are bigger and with no stairs feel more spacious.

Never buy a flat if you can afford a house in at least an OK area.

Flats are harder to resell than houses, there’s more scope for noise from neighbours in flats, and they don’t appreciate in value as much as houses, generally. Most flats are leasehold so your service charges will increase every year. You don’t even own the leasehold flat even with no mortgage. There are good reasons why there’s a disproportionate number of flats for sale on the market and have been for a long time.

Buy the two bed house.

I agree with the leasehold issue, but the rest is quite subjective. I've lived in nightmare terraced houses with the neighbours from hell and its been much more intrusive and upsetting than well insulated flats.
Service charges are something to keep an eye on but I would rather live in a high end flat than a shitty terrace

we looked at a flat as investment it was the top floor in a 2 storey block you were responsible for the entire roof gutters and practically all the outside where the ground floor was literally responsible for the lower portion of the outside walls only
we never proceeded as mortgage providers reluctant to lend

you say coach house I presume it’s a flat above garages or over driveway to carpark

Keep looking and go for the safe and best location.
re flats be wary of management and maintenance fees. I’d request copies of meeting minutes and accounts history, you don’t want to suddenly be responsible for your share of replacing the roof for example.

OP it’s too long to explain in a comment why not to buy a leasehold if you can afford a a freehold.

Please research this, there is many, many threads on MNs and information on google.

Best of luck to you in your new chapter, you will survive! Speak to your children and find out exactly what their plans are after uni rather than assuming and that will help you make your final decision without guilt.

Buy the best home that meets your needs and allows you to have the lifestyle you desire.

Flats and leaseholds can be problematic but the wrong house can be problematic too. I probably would avoid a large flat block. I rented one and there are so many neighbours the odds of being disrupted by one of them is high. I rented a different flat where it were just a two storey building there were 10-12 flats and it was much more akin to a row of terrace houses. It was a lovely place to live. My brother in law had similar when he was in a two storey block of flats. I think there were either 6 or 8 and they did eventually buy the freehold as the block so they had control of costs but did mean they had the responsibility.

What would you like in the next chapter in your life to look like?

This has guided our buying - we were in a small city in our 20s next move we still wanted option of city life but also wanted a slower pace of life and closer to the countryside. We moved to the suburbs of a larger city. We commuted into the city which also allowed access to good restaurants and theatre/gigs. We had restaurants in our town also and a good community feel as well as being a 20-30 minute drive from the countryside. We had a child and being close to the city was less important so we moved further out. We wanted to avoid the suburbs as it was too keeping up with the Jones and a lot of competitive parenting. We chose a small town on the edge of a national park. We can still get into the city but it's now an hour away rather than 20 minutes but we go infrequently. We can walk 10 minutes and be in an open field yet at the same time we are a community of families with free-range children but also are close enough to the rest of the world that we have most things a 20 minutes drive away. Our next move probably in 10-15 years time will be somewhere further away from neighbours and be able to get lost in our own worlds. We would do this in more like 5 years if we didn't have children but it wouldn't be practical.

Life isn't static and the lifestyle and priorities for you are unique to you. Try to listen to your gut instinct to a degree but talk through your plans with a safe pair of ears. A couple of weeks ago I found myself on a road where we viewed a house. It was a lovely house and it ticked so many boxes but there was this niggle that stopped us putting in an offer. We viewed it twice and spent hours going through the photos and floorplans trying to see how we could live in it. Then we got a call from the estate agent and they said they had had an offer and as we had been very interested they wanted to give us the opportunity to counter. In an instant our decision was made. No thank you, it's a lovely house but not for us. Being stood on the road looking at the house, I still couldn't put a finger on why but it just wasn't our house and it felt absolutely the right thing to walk away from.

The house we did buy we nearly didn't view but it instantly felt like home.

The more you have written, the more I think that this is the key. You deserve to think of your own needs and your children sound capable and supportive - you will work out the finer details.

It's interesting as I have booked some viewings to both, for the weekend, and when showing my daughter she said how much nicer the flats were and how she would feel much safer in one. Thanks everyone for helping me to think!

I'd go for option two, location is more important than space (to me) a d I wouldn't want the hassle of a leasehold.

What makes house two not nice? Can it be improved?

@Tootsiroll it's more that the houses are a series of very small rooms whereas the flats are much more spacious. The flats are where I live now in a really lovely area, whereas the houses are in an OK area.

Does the flat have any outdoor space?

@fundamentallyauthentic there are a variety of flats and some have balconies. I live in a kind of new town where it is only 50 years old so there are loads of different types of modern houses/flats. One has a big communal garden. Some have their own front door so no corridor or in a block with only 6 flats on 3 floors.