Landlord wants grandmother to stay in our house at Christmas

[Lala1962]

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

That would be a very hard no from me, and they have no legal rights here.

As you are signed up to the tenancy it is actually your home. Its a real nerve of them to ask this. 😲 Stick to your guns.

“No, that doesn’t work for us”

and leave it at that. How rude of them to ask!!

Well that's a sad thought, but possible. Surely there would be a younger person amongst the guests who wouldn't mind sleeping on the sofa if these women have really filled up the house. But why have they? Do they not know how many bedrooms they have? Very dodgy. Stay well clear, OP!

Fuck no!

I won’t even let guests stay in our bed that I know, my bed is for us only, people sleep on the pullout. Even if they are old. My bed is mine only. Nopity nope.

Getting serious Downton Abbey vibes here.
Mrs Hughes & Mr Bates go to visit relations at Christmas ( IF allowed the time off, given so much preparation & organising & overseeing, with timings of Christmas dinner, guests, etc) So, they happen to have one Christmas off.. empty cottage and Grandma ( Maggie smith) moves in without servants!
Seriously, though OP, I know they are DP s employer but it's a no

Wow, that’s mad.

the only situation I could see me ever agreeing to this sort of thing would be if said granny lived in your rented house for her whole adult life before you took it over. so, it was a last kind of sentimental favour to granny.

Even then it’d be a massive favour needing money off rent and lots of stuff in return. Plus a lot of grovelling.

for lack of space reasons .. nah get to fuck, and especially not if they’re loaded with a large residential property. Can’t have your cake and eat it.

Want tenants to fund your life with minimal work? That means you can’t bung your relatives in spare bits of your massive estate when it suits you. Sad times ;)

It’s not just a ‘hello/good morning’ relationship, we do get on with them and have a chat when we see one another. But I wouldn’t go as far to say we’re friends, we don’t socialise outside of when we run into them. It is a pleasant relationship but it is also very clear that they are the property owners (or the family of the property owner) - we contact them with any issues about the cottage etc.

We have been away every Christmas since we moved here several years ago so I imagine she asked DP if it was the same this year and he confirmed it was. I wasn’t there for the conversation and DP just said he’d talk to me and get back to her as it threw him a bit. We don’t have exact dates ourselves yet but I don’t think grandmother lives miles and miles away so probably would just be the two nights either side of 25th. They know we go away for at least a week as we go to the other end of the country so would cover those nights.

Completely agree that anywhere else it would be a very easy ‘no’ and I can’t imagine any previous LL actually suggesting it. I think possibly us living so close, DP being the gardener and us having a friendly relationship may have blurred the lines a bit for them.

I imagine other relatives would be traipsing through your home too!

This is a slightly concern of mine too! Realistically I don’t think they would choose ours to have any socialisation at as it’s far too small but I’m just imagining them popping up and all having a cup of tea in our living room or having a look around.

Do you think your actual landlord has a clue about this request, is it just the daughter being a CF?

Id be inclined to contact them directly, assume that they know and say 'we're really sorry but we don't feel its appropriate and don't feel comfortable with this request'.

That way the polite no is clear to the actual landlord if it has come direct from them.

If it HASN'T and they are unaware their offspring/relatives are being dicks, then now they know...

I'd just reply and say that you have already promised it to a friend. And leave at that. The friend plans may change of course !

Don't do that. Or at least not unless you are 100% sure your tenancy agreement would allow someone else in the cottage when you're not.

Tell them you have bed bugs.

@SheilaFentiman

do you not stay in hotels?

Of course. That’s entirely different to it being your own private space where you live and love all year round. The request would be mildly less outrageous if OP had a spare room, but not much.

I assume you are being deliberately obtuse or provocative so I won’t reply to you further.

Don't let them blur the boundaries like this.

I dislike confrontation so I would probably say that we were really sorry but it would invalidate our house insurance. Which tbf it probably would.

I think they probably thought Granny was the one least likely to make a mess & (depending on the Granny!!) least likely to be having sex in their bed, so the one the Gardner & his wife object to least of all.

Also this may only be the start & it's a regular request at Christmas (or any other time you go away!) so I'd nip this in the bud now!

@SheilaFentiman

i just think it's pathetic to care about your neighbours/ sort of friends grandmother to use your bed for a few nights, if you're happy to sleep in beds at hotels that have had thousands of people sleep in.

I'm not being obtuse or provocative, but I don't GAF if you reply or not 🤷🏻‍♀️ in fact I'd rather you didn't.

I would never in a million years think of asking our tenants to allow this. Big no!

Absolutely not!!! The cheek of them asking!!

This is weird & unprofessional in the extreme on the part of your landlord!
You need VERY firm boundaries OP.

“… probably a cantankerous old prune”…

Why this?

That's totally different to having someone sleep in your bed in your home!!! I also don't GAF about your rude and aggressive opinion!!!