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Original poster

Landlord wants grandmother to stay in our house at Christmas

198 replies

Lala1962 · 10/10/2024 21:06

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lala1962 · 11/10/2024 21:13

Thanks everyone for all your replies. Really helpful. I think I’ll simply say that I’m sorry but no and try not to feel too bad or think that they’re going to evict us!

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 11/10/2024 21:14

Whyherewego · 11/10/2024 07:39

If say they probably picked granny as she is the least likely to cause offence (no parties, late night boozing etc).
I have asked one of my neighbours once if we could use their house when away, as I had a lot of guests for a weekend. They did say yes which was charming of them, but I'd have been happy if they said no. But we were friends too, not super good friends but still friends. We also never used their house other than for sleeping over so all food etc was done in mine.

My worry is that they're saying it's for Granny, when really they're going to decant the tweens/teens to it, to avoid their noise and drama!

Irridescantshimmmer · 11/10/2024 21:16

It could invalidate your home insurance policy, so to break the ice, call your insurance company, and find out where you stand with this situation, bearing in mind that the lady staying would be a complete stranger.

I understand you ar definitely not comfortable having a complete stranger staying i the cottage whist you are away, it would give me the ick.

I think it would invalidate your insurance but not sure. The reason I suggest you call is just in case they call themselves to catch you out, I understand pu and your DH are on good terms with your LL.

good96 · 11/10/2024 21:23

Lala1962 · 10/10/2024 21:06

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

Absolutely not. You lease the property from the landlords. It may be ‘their’ house but it is ‘your’ home. Where would they go if you were at home for christmas? It’s not a bloody Air B NB!!!!
The landlord needs to accommodate the relative in their own home or find a nearby hotel or property to rent.
The cheek of some landlords!! If they want to operate on a leisurely basis then they need to consider renting it out as a holiday home!!

RB68 · 11/10/2024 21:24

I would say No really sorry that doesn't seem appropriate. Why on earth are they asking you do they really not have a spare bed for her somewhere? I reckon they just want distance so they can party knowing she is safely tucked up lol

AngelicKaty · 11/10/2024 21:27

Lala1962 · 10/10/2024 21:06

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

Er, what? The damn cheek of them even asking!
This is your home for which you have a tenancy agreement and a landlord to whom you pay rent. Of course, you don't have to allow his mother to stay in your home - in your BED! I wonder if your landlord even knows his DD has asked you this.
No explanation required - simply tell them No, it's your home and you can't allow a stranger to stay there in your absence.

BobbyBiscuits · 11/10/2024 21:42

Gawd!! Seems a big imposition. Is it even suitable for an elderly person to stay there alone?
I don't see why the grandma can't sleep in the main house, I'm imagining it's pretty big if it has a cottage and an on site gardener.

SheilaFentiman · 11/10/2024 21:49

BobbyBiscuits · 11/10/2024 21:42

Gawd!! Seems a big imposition. Is it even suitable for an elderly person to stay there alone?
I don't see why the grandma can't sleep in the main house, I'm imagining it's pretty big if it has a cottage and an on site gardener.

Because the landlord’s DD is hosting a lot of family

(which obviously doesn’t mean OP should host granny!)

helenatroy · 11/10/2024 22:26

let us know how it goes.

BobbyBiscuits · 11/10/2024 22:42

@SheilaFentiman sure, but for me and elderly lady takes priority over younger folks, who can easily drive to and from a local hotel.
But yeah as you say, none of this concerns OP. Unless she really needed the money and they were paying her, it would still seem a bad idea. Especially if it wasn't suggested by OP.

Mookytoo · 11/10/2024 22:44

Lala1962 · 11/10/2024 21:13

Thanks everyone for all your replies. Really helpful. I think I’ll simply say that I’m sorry but no and try not to feel too bad or think that they’re going to evict us!

I would white lie and tell them whilst you are going away, you have a friend from (Canada?) coming to stay, lovely friend is a writer looking for some quiet inspiration in the countryside. Don’t be surprised when you see him! Then he gets covid and didn’t fly.

Rainbowshine · 11/10/2024 23:37

“We got some advice about your request for your grandmother to stay in our home when we’re away. The advice was really clear that it’s really not appropriate at all for our landlord to ask this as it is against our rights as tenants. We’re also not sure what our exact plans are for Christmas now baby is here, so we would not have been able to do this anyway in case we end up at home this year. Thanks, Lala”

Zoomattheinn · 12/10/2024 00:40

Just use the Mumsnet staple “This doesn’t work for us”. No excuse, apologies or explanation.

CatherineDurrant · 12/10/2024 08:13

I'm sorry, that doesn't work for us.
We have other plans.

If this comes up in F2F chat and they push about your plans, be vague and suggest you already have guests.

Hopefully they get the message.

StokieDad · 12/10/2024 10:16

It’s perfectly reasonable to feel uncomfortable about this situation, especially given that your space is personal and you don’t know the person who would be staying there. The fact that your DP works on the property does add some complexity, but it doesn’t blur the boundaries of you both having a right to your privacy and the security of your belongings.

I wonder if they’d return the favour though? And let your extended family stay in the main house next time they’re away?!

I’d be inclined to say something like this:

Hi landlord’s daughter,

Thanks for thinking of us and for your request. We’ve had a think about it, but we’d prefer to keep the cottage as our private space, especially since all of our belongings would still be here. It’s a very personal space for us, and given that it’s so small, it wouldn’t feel right for someone else to be staying in it while we’re away.

If you’re open to the idea of a reciprocal arrangement, we could possibly reconsider in the future. For example, if we had family visiting while you’re away, maybe they could stay in the main house. Let me know what you think, but for now, we’d prefer to keep the cottage for just us.

Best regards,
Lala

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 12/10/2024 22:34

Unfortunately, for health and privacy reasons, we won't be able to help.

No apologies as they shouldn't have asked.

Losingthewill2live · 12/10/2024 22:39

That’s a really cheeky thing to ask of you. Hard no. I’d be furious.

OVienna · 13/10/2024 09:54

StokieDad · 12/10/2024 10:16

It’s perfectly reasonable to feel uncomfortable about this situation, especially given that your space is personal and you don’t know the person who would be staying there. The fact that your DP works on the property does add some complexity, but it doesn’t blur the boundaries of you both having a right to your privacy and the security of your belongings.

I wonder if they’d return the favour though? And let your extended family stay in the main house next time they’re away?!

I’d be inclined to say something like this:

Hi landlord’s daughter,

Thanks for thinking of us and for your request. We’ve had a think about it, but we’d prefer to keep the cottage as our private space, especially since all of our belongings would still be here. It’s a very personal space for us, and given that it’s so small, it wouldn’t feel right for someone else to be staying in it while we’re away.

If you’re open to the idea of a reciprocal arrangement, we could possibly reconsider in the future. For example, if we had family visiting while you’re away, maybe they could stay in the main house. Let me know what you think, but for now, we’d prefer to keep the cottage for just us.

Best regards,
Lala

This is hysterical and very tempting. But I think I'm still taking the view of less said is more here.

Bonbon21 · 13/10/2024 10:30

Don't feel embarrassed about saying no!
If anyone is embarrassed it should be them for dreaming up such a cackhanded question. What a nerve!
You don't give reasons.. just say No, under NO circumstances. That eliminates all further discussion and occasion.

Ginmonkeyagain · 13/10/2024 10:45

Absolutely not, it's your home and you have the right to private enjoyment of it. Landlords who see their paying tenants as some sort of incovenience cluttering up their spare property can fuck off.

My dad is an agricultural tenant and seriously, people who rent out tied accomodation and agricultural tenancies can be the absolute worst cunts. They all seem to think it is 1700 and they are lord of the manor.

Mt61 · 13/10/2024 11:46

Tell them yes if they give you months rent back- bet they soon find somewhere else for her

Problemzapper · 15/10/2024 12:00

I am sure they can make room for the Grandmother in their house, no matter how small it might be, and I think it's odd that they want their Grandmother to stay in another residence for the duration of her visit, surely they would want her company and she would want theirs?

Whilst you are paying rent on your home it is your domain, not theirs, and if they asked you without even any offer of payment for the use of it then they are being really presumptous /cheeky, and have made you feel uncomfortable even by asking. As stated by previous contributors, you should simply say 'No, we are not comfortable with someone staying in our house in our absence' - do not elaborate, they should get the clear and simple message from that and should not push the matter, but if they do simply repeat what you said.

SheilaFentiman · 15/10/2024 12:26

and I think it's odd that they want their Grandmother to stay in another residence for the duration of her visit, surely they would want her company and she would want theirs?

I would assume Granny would be up at the big house for breakfast lunch and dinner, and just back at the cottage to sleep

But OP should say no, and has, I think

Casperroonie · 16/10/2024 06:53

Lala1962 · 10/10/2024 21:06

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

Do you have a standard contract?

Casperroonie · 16/10/2024 06:59

Lala1962 · 10/10/2024 21:06

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

It's a complete act of cheeky fffff!!!
How dare they. It actually really goes against a standard rental agreement. You should reply via the father so he is aware in a roundabout way.

Is there any way you could have someone pop round to check as well as the cameras etc? It would add a level of security, at least mentally!

Let us know how it goes!!!