Landlord wants grandmother to stay in our house at Christmas

[Lala1962]

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

@IShouldNotBeSurprised

The latest request was to ask if a missionary friend of theirs could give birth in the basement room.

wtf?! So much to unpack in a single sentence!!

They're going to let her in anyway, you know that right? Like all Landlords, they will have a key and will let her in. Guarantee it. You need to change the locks but keep the current barrel to put back when you move out

Totally no. But I bet they will do it anyway as they'll think that you won't find out.

I’m going to buck the trend on this one, because I don’t see anything wrong with them ASKING you, obviously depending on HOW it’s phrased. Having said that, if you’re uncomfortable with the idea, then you’re uncomfortable with the it, and you absolutely have the right to say “no” with no given reason or excuse. I wouldn’t go down the road of excuses or getting offended and uppity over it though, just smile and say “I’m really sorry, but I can’t see that working for us”.

I know, right?! I was aghast when she told me (as was she when she was asked) aa there are so many reasons this is a terrible idea. She was quite relieved when she was told they'd come up with another plan.

Christ, no.

Imagine if you were a council housing tenant, with fully paid up rent, going on holiday for two weeks and the local council wanted to pop a couple of folks off the emergency housing list into your property while you were gone. Sleeping in your bed, drinking out of your cups, bathing in your bath and using your towels. Total strangers. Bleurgh...ick...just nooooo. I don't imagine that would be acceptable. It's nuts and so is this. Your home. You pay rent for it. It's not theirs to do with as they wish while you live there. That's not how renting a property out works. What a shockingly entitled thing to even ask.

Your insurance for contents wouldn’t cover letting a random person stay

just say if anything got damaged or broken your insurance would be void, so on their advice as a tenant you’d have to decline

Just say no. You don't need ab excuse. It's just such a weird thing to ask.

Just say you’d love to but your house insurance and contents insurance wouldn’t cover it. Which is true.

Not an “awfully judgemental cow”.

Just (like the wonderful Maggie Smith) a “cantankerous old prune”.

We’ve got cameras on both doors linked to our phones that they know about so they wouldn’t be able to do it on the sly. I am in agreement with everyone that the request itself is very inappropriate but they are not ‘bad’ people and would respect our refusal even if they weren’t happy with it. It’s just put us in an awkward position to refuse it and given they are our landlords (or at least acting when her father is out of the country) they should not have asked in the first place.

We’ve got internal cameras on both doors linked to our phones which they know about so they wouldn’t be able to do it on the sly.

Keep everything in writing (text?) too just in case they take umbridge with you refusing and trying to evict you.

Maybe just before you leave, dump a large pile of clean clothes on your bed, or anything else you can think of that would make it a pain to clear the bed for Granny.

I assume that “why Granny” is less a cantankerous thing and more a “she wants to go to bed early” thing. But that’s what hotels are for!

If say they probably picked granny as she is the least likely to cause offence (no parties, late night boozing etc).
I have asked one of my neighbours once if we could use their house when away, as I had a lot of guests for a weekend. They did say yes which was charming of them, but I'd have been happy if they said no. But we were friends too, not super good friends but still friends. We also never used their house other than for sleeping over so all food etc was done in mine.

@Whyherewego I think the power dynamic is v different though, because you are not your neighbour’s landlord and employer

What an unbelievable cheek.

I have so many questions! Did LL’s family mention:

• Are you expected to give the house a good clean before you leave? Who will clean after Granny’s stay? You? A cleaner (who funds this)?
• Is Granny using your bedding and towels? Are you expected to do her laundry? Are you in charge of changing the bedding when you leave and again once she leaves?
• Who is funding her heating/water/electricity? Are you expected to absorb this cost? She may like a really warm, cosy house!
• Is there an expectation that she helps herself to your tea/milk/sugar/coffee/drinks/snacks?

I often leave a lot in my house unfinished when I go away, due to rushing everyone out of the house. Being required to leave my house “hotel ready” for guests would really stress me out. Big time.

There is a power imbalance between you and LL’s family member. Their family member is both your employer and landlord. It is unfair for them to put you in this awkward position. I would be tempted to tell the actual landlord that I’m not comfortable with my home being used for visitors whilst I’m away. They really need to be aware what their family is trying to do in their absence.

That's completely inappropriate! I'd message back saying, I'm sorry but I think that would be inappropriate.

All of this!

I'd say "We're not sure of our own plans around Christmas yet and along with this being our home, we're not comfortable letting anyone else stay here while we're renting it, so the answer will have to be no, Granny can't stay in our home over Christmas. Is there a reason why Granny can't stay in the main house over Christmas?" with a puzzled look as to why they can't accommodate their own grandmother in their home.

I'm thinking that the reason Granny can't stay in the main house is that they want to have LOUD parties there and Granny won't get any sleep at all. That's a pure guess though.

Will they threaten to sack him and evict you if you don't comply with this request?
I think I would be very formal and say something like; thank you for your email unfortunately we are not able to accommodate your family members/guests in our home.
If you start giving reasons or justifications then you will be positioning yourself as subordinates and that might give them a feeling that they can overrule you.
The problem is they do have a significant amount of leverage over you🙁

Good Lord, no.

Imagine the work, cleaning, changing beds, packing your stuff away. Then there's the electricity and gas. Just tell them your personal insurance doesn't cover it or get a friend to stay. How very cheeky of them to ask.

Absolutely this.

Get a Bluetooth camera set up inside OP. And a doorbell camera.