Landlord wants grandmother to stay in our house at Christmas

[Lala1962]

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

Of course you can just say no, it is your property that you are renting. But I get given the fact DP works there you may not want to go in all guns blazing. I'd just reply and say that you have already promised it to a friend. And leave at that. The friend plans may change of course !

Yes I think because we’re in such close proximity to them and DP works there it just makes it a bit more difficult to navigate!

Thanks :)

Poor grandma.

Why can’t she stay in their house?

Does she stink? Incontinent? Suffers from Nocturnal Art Attacks?

Their request is both inappropriate and weird.

In my fantasy world the sort of response I would like to give would be no I don’t feel comfortable your grandmother laying in my husbands sperm as we have lots of sex.

No don't say a friend is staying - it isn't true and they might object to it leading to pointless aggro.

They are absolutely not within their rights , this is your home. Their attitude sounds a bit feudal 😬

Just say no. Don’t give a reason because they will argue over it

It depends what sort of tenant you are, for example I teach and live in a school house, the house comes with and is attached to the job "tied", I have no normal tenants rights. They have never asked to use it when I'm away, but could under the terms of the licence of use.

I thinks its out of order as the place will be full of your stuff, if you have a standard tenancy then no way!

I'm outraged that you feel you might have to give an excuse. Just say no. It's your home that you pay rent for.

When people say landlords need keys for emergencies I think of the Housing Association I worked for. We had 1,000s of properties. We didn't have spare keys. What do all homeowners do in an emergency?

“We don’t feel comfortable with people staying in our home when we aren’t there, not even our friends or family, so we won’t be able to offer our home to your grandmother.”

Keep repeating “our home” to make them realise.

Thankfully DPs job and the cottage are separate. In reality I imagine we’d be given notice if DP stopped being the gardener and they wanted it for the new gardener but it wouldn’t be automatic and they’d need to give us the notice period stipulated in the contract etc.

'Jillian, we don't want anyone sleeping in our bed or staying in the property whilst we are away. Your grandmother cannot stay here.'

Well that's good news, so I would say a hard no - even if she's lovely, you don't know her, what if she damaged something accidentally, no, its a daft idea and not on to ask.

I believe they are hosting this year so don’t have space for everyone they have invited in the main house. It is a large house but not stately home size.

That's awful of them to ask. It's actually ludicrous.

We live in a farmhouse and rent out the cottage directly next door. There is no way on earth if we knew the tenant was going on holiday would we ask if one of our guests could use their home. I can't believe they've put you in this position.

I understand your partners job makes things a bit more awkward but I think you need to be polite, friendly but really clear. "We have thought about your request and we are sorry but we won't be able to accommodate your grandmother in our home - we hope this doesn't create any awkwardness but do feel like you've put us in a difficult position by asking!"

Totally agree with this!

Good god no! What on earth are they thinking, expecting you to put up a random stranger whilst you’re away. No chance.

It's crazy that they even asked. DH and I lived in a similar set up. Cottage on a rural estate and landlords living in the big house. It would be a hard no from me.
You know your contents insurance could be invalidated by a third party who you do not know having access to your home. What if something happens? Auld forgetful granny leaves the stove on with a tea towel on it after making a cocoa and burns your possessions to ash?

If LL's kids get shirty about it you could use that as a very valid reason. (If the fact that the LAW guarantees you peaceful possession of a residential property you rent and landlords have no right to enter nor give permission for others to enter isn't enough!)

Absolutely not. This person should not have put you in such an awkward position.I think you need to say in a neutral tone of voice what you've said here: that you don't know this lady, you have a tiny house which is full of your possessions and would not feel comfortable with a stranger staying. I think you have to put it like that rather than making an excuse or she may ask something equally unreasonable in future. Honestly! Why can't Granny stay with her?

How sad for them having filled up their large house. Say you can lend them an airbed if they can't find space in a local hotel. And why is Granny the one to get boarded out? Some people!

How do they know you are away at Christmas, if its only a hello/good morning type relationship? Is it based on DH's annual leave dates and not doing the gardening during that time? Do they even know exact dates you are away?
If you were renting anywhere else, could you imagine the LL contacting you and asking that their relative stays in YOUR home??? Bonkers.

Depending what has been said to them in terms of dates/being away etc, I'd say NO, keep your own travel dates etc vague and to yourselves. If you've already given them exact dates (why?) I'd just say circumstances have changed and you are working it all out. That is if you can't just say 'FFS, of course not!!!!'

Wow, that is some extreme cheeky-fuckery!
They really have no idea that they don't own you do they?
Or what renting their property out actually means.

Hopefully the real owner of the house isn't as mad as those two.

Don’t give any excuse. People have given pretty valid ones such as: would invalidate contents insurance. But we are talking about a whole different class of society here, they WILL try to find a way to talk you into it.

A simple: “unfortunately we cannot help, we think it muddies the tenant/landlord boundaries that we are currently very comfortable with and we don’t think it is appropriate to accommodate this request.”

Pay for an air b and b you pisstaking muthertruckers. Or dump someone off your Xmas invite list. Most normal people think long and hard about how they can fit relatives in for Xmas; they have just invited granny and assumed you will bend over backwards because of DP’s job.

I think it has to be stronger, and hint that factually the law is on their side to say no.so much so, it’s astonishing the landlord appears to not know this and asked

as tenants, assuming they have a legal tenancy, they’re legally entitled to “rights of quiet enjoyment”. That means privacy. And it’s a strong boundary they need to enforce. Otherwise the landlords will start to cross those boundaries agian and again, turning up unannounced, putting people in whenever they’re away, letting themselves in to check out place when OP is away. They have no rights to do this-the law says this for a very good reason that people cannot live with that.

Op, you don’t say if you rent furnished or unfurnished..if unfunrnished it really is a “wtf” moment rather than a simpler CF moment. 😱 how dare they suggest someone else sleeps in your bed- especially if it’s not there bed .

Granny is probably a cantankerous old prune who disapproves of party shenanigans, thus it’s better to sell her ‘your own lovely space for the week’ and keep her away.

That is THEIR problem. They are the hosts, they can bunk in together and free up one of their bedrooms to host grannie.

Frankly their suggestion is totally ridiculous. They could as well wander into their local Spar and ask there if anyone ois going away for Christmas, can they use their gaff? Ludicrous!