Landlord wants grandmother to stay in our house at Christmas

[Lala1962]

My DP and I live in a rented cottage on a property that DP is the gardener of. It’s quite remote and the main house is just down the hill from us. We have a good relationship with the landlords daughter and SIL, who live in the main house, but are not ‘friends’ as such. Just get on and have a chat when we see them. Our landlord lives abroad so they are our main points of contact for anything cottage related.

The daughter has asked DP if their grandmother can stay in our cottage over Christmas when we’re away. I am uncomfortable with this - we don’t know this person and all of our belongings would still be here. Whilst we get on with the owners/landlords, that is the extent of our relationship. I don’t think I’d mind as much if we had a spare bedroom and could close off our bedroom/living area but it’s a tiny one-bed so they would be staying in our bed in our bedroom. Personally I would never ask a tenant if I could use their home for my guest but perhaps DP working on the property blurs the lines a bit.

Is it reasonable for us to refuse the request? And how can we refuse the request without seeming rude?

Op has stated she has cameras

Thank you I was too slow making my posts.

Has anyone thought that the grandmother might be horrified at the idea of living in someone else’s home while they’re not there. It’s different if it’s a holiday let or AirBnB but this is much too personal. It would feel like snooping every time she walked into a room -and as for sleeping in their bed !!!!

Can YOUR granny stay in THEIR house, next time they're off on a skiing holiday?

Oh this is a perfect way to look at it!

Op, you could always fire back with:
if we decide to use our home as airbnb we will contact you with details of fees and availability but until then we are not able to accommodate your relatives or your guests.

I think they expect a no, just figured it couldn’t hurt to ask. NO! Absolutely not!

No. Way.

Some random in your stuff. Yuck.

Firm no.

My DP rents a small cottage similar, we had a “friend” stay when he knows we are not there, without permission. He knew where we keep spare key hidden. Says his car broke down near by… more than once?

We know he’s awful enough to search for the key and we move it, so now we turn off heat, water, hide key, and funnily enough the bedrooms & bathroom lock with those old kind of keys. Photo the electric meter. Lock the chest freezer and pantry. Love that old house everything has a lock and key!
We think he’s gone there and tried it again (cigarette butts on back patio) He’d have to sleep on the floor or sofa & do some work to be comfortable and buy his own food.

We think he enjoyed having a weekend home, meat, drinks & meals in the freezer, TV … what a scum.

Landlord though, no way. Put her in a local hotel.

Why can't she stay in the main house?

How rude…

It hasn't blurred the lines one bit. They are telling you exactly where the lines are when they don't socialise with you but still think it would be OK to put granny up in your bed.

If I were the granny I'd be embarrassed at their behaviour.

Say you're sorry, you have lines too.

Definitely not and I’d secretly change the locks before you go away then change them back to the original ones when you get back.

No. It's utterly unreasonable! If you were living there rent-free and they were doing you a favour then maybe - but you're paying tenants so they're being CFs.

It's so cheeky it beggars belief. They still see it as their property they can ultimately do what they like with.

I think I'd go to your actual landlord and say sorry we can't help out with any accommodation.

I think you'll find it's dropped.

I suspect they see it as an extension of the main house, the servants quarters.

Our family had planned to be together last year and everything was all set. The only problem is, the flu was rife and quite a few of us had to pull out and stay home, so the whole thing was a disaster.

If this were to happen to you and dh, and you'd somehow agreed on the grandmother staying over, you would then need to cancel their plans and the situation would become even stickier had you just said no.

You've not got your own dates set, you don't want her to stay in your home, and you don't know the dates they want her there either. It would be an outright no from me.

Might it be the case that the cottage was previously used as an overspill for the main house (obviously when empty) and the daughter just didn't think things through?

I don't think it's that odd, it's the same as renting a house on Airbnb.

Last Christmas, my sister did the same with her neighbours as we needed more space for the family and she knew they were away. One said yes, the other no.

As long as they are not pressuring you in any way and compensating you for the rent, it's not such an odd request IMO.

Yes exactly these questions. I think in particular the cleaning/tidying before we go away. Like you it’s usually a bit of a rush to get away so making sure it was guest ready too would be a bit much. We’ve also got a young baby this year so cleaning/tidying isn’t high on my priority list anyway other than the necessities.

I think they might have too many guests for rooms in the main house as they are hosting their family this year.

An outright no, don’t discuss as might give the impression you could be persuaded

It’s only been empty for one Christmas in the last 30 years as the person before us moved out in the November and we moved in in the February. However I know they did have a family member stay in the cottage in the cottage. So yes perhaps just nothing it through.

I've accommodated friends of neighbours before, and been hosted by friends of friends for parties and so on. It's fine. What is not fine is asking somebody who is a tenant and employee and who may find it hard to say no. Especially someone without a spare room.

I don't think it's that odd, it's the same as renting a house on Airbnb.

Except that people tend to choose when to Airbnb their places, to make money, for themselves. Not running round like loons before a holiday tidying up for their boss’s mum to sleep in their bed.