Would you drop this buyer?

[Ehatshouldido]

A week ago, we told our buyer we needed an exchange or else we were pulling out. I hated doing it, but the reason was that they’ve strung us along for five months now. There always seems to be a legitimate sounding reason for not exchanging - waiting on something from the bank, their solicitor having covid, etc - and I do believe that they try but that their solicitor isn’t very good. But now we’re on one week later and they STILL HAVEN’T exchanged!!

I’m finding it extremely stressful. We have school places for our children at the new school (well, we can’t take the places because we don’t live there yet - but I’m so paranoid another family will move and grab the spots before we get there!) and we’re renting before we buy in the new place and have missed the hard-to-find good rentals!

Today our buyers said that we’d be able to exchange on Tuesday - maybe - if all “goes well” and our EA (who has been very good) went on to defend our buyer’s position, probably because they don’t want to lose their commission.

But I don’t believe them about exchanging on Tuesday. We told them we’d drop them last week and we didn’t, so they called our bluff, I guess, although it wasn’t really a bluff - I just keep believing them when they tell me “in the next couple of days”.

What would you do? Obviously if we drop them we’re back to square one, but we’re in absolute no-man’s-land at the moment. Now tempted to let out our house and just rent in the new area. But we do have to sell it eventually and it’ll be harder to sell once tenants are in?

DH starts a new job on Monday and he’ll have to commute - it’s 2.5hrs each way, but luckily they’re being good about wfh part time. I’ve quit my job, last day last week with a big goodbye, and have nothing to go to as I was planning on settling in and then looking for a new role. And the kids have actually said goodbye to their school friends! They got goodbye cards and we had a little goodbye party for their best friends before the Easter holidays! (Although they still have their place and can go back on Tuesday, as embarrassing as that’ll be!).

I just don’t know what to do. I can’t believe how stressful it all is.

We can’t afford the mortgage and rent as well - our mortgage is £2k a month and rent is even more than that in the new place.

I think this might be the most stressed I’ve ever been!

Also - this is our second buyer. Our first sale collapsed because their chain collapsed. So we’ve been waiting to move for about 7 months now! The sale feels cursed!

(DH’s new job is a requested transfer to a different office which he got, then put off, then knew it would look bad to keep putting off because of the issues with the sale, so is going to start anyway on Tuesday.)

Exchange on Tues or it goes back on the open market whilst they finish pissing about

It sounds like you need to find out exactly what is holding them up, and whether it's the buyer holding things up or their solicitor :( Do you know if all queries have been answered, their survey is back, they've signed contracts etc? Having a similar problem with our buyer's solicitor holding things up, they seem to be taking ages to do things!

2.5h commute? Wtaf???

@Kyrae

It sounds like you need to find out exactly what is holding them up, and whether it's the buyer holding things up or their solicitor :( Do you know if all queries have been answered, their survey is back, they've signed contracts etc? Having a similar problem with our buyer's solicitor holding things up, they seem to be taking ages to do things!

It seems to be the buyer’s solicitor but I honestly don’t know what the truth is!

Ours has asked to exchange and asked if they have the 10% three times and they don’t answer him.

We were originally supposed to exchange in February!

@rumred

2.5h commute? Wtaf???

I know - we are so stressed! Well, I am. I get pretty stressed anyway but this sale has sent me over the edge.

We believed this sale was going to happen. Anyway, either way - we planned to move to the new location because we love it and because DH wants to work in the new location (exciting opportunities in his field) and we were all very happy when he got the transfer. But it is 2.5hrs away from where we are now!

This evening we talked to our kids about how they’ll go back to their usual school on Tuesday. Younger cried, older said it’ll feel weird since they said goodbye and that she doesn’t really want to now even though she liked it and loves her friends. She just wants to move, she said. (She also loves the new location.)

I feel so stupid for believing our buyers so many times when they said exchange would happen “any day now”! And swore it would happen last week and that they’d complete fast after exchange, so we thought we’d get an Airbnb until we found a rental, felt confident enough to say tentative goodbyes etc.

The Easter holidays are almost over and we’re still here. And will still be here next week. I could cry. Part of me wants to keep my children off school in case we do exchange next week, but part of me knows that’s stupid.

I think I will take the advice upthread - exchange on Tuesday or we relist while the buyers mess around.

Can’t he change solicitor or get on at him/her to do their job. If my solicitor was going to cost me a house because they were so slow I’d be having words with them.

Tell them you'll put it back on the market if they don't exchange/complete by a given date. They're dicking you around. Can the estate agent help?

OP, I think you should have a think about what it actually looks like if you "pull out" on this buyer.

Is it that you tell them you're marketing the house again, and having an open house day showing other potential buyers around? Because you could do that and then exchange with these buyers next day, if that inspires them to get their fingers out. Or am I missing something?

You're in rented so no chain above you, right? I don't think you've got anything to lose from playing hard ball to get them over the line.

When our vendor was shamelessly delaying our purchase (because despite telling us she was moving in with family, and chain-free, she was actually buying somewhere else and her vendors weren't ready) we told the EA that we'd be dropping our offer by 2K a week, to compensate us for the inconvenience caused by her delays. They responded well and she did indeed exchange and complete the following week, and move in with her daughter until her onward purchase was ready...

I think be clear on what you are threatening them with, and then follow through - hopefully they will either shit or get off the pot (gross metaphor but appropriate!) and frankly you're better off knowing one way or the other.

Best of luck!

Not surprised you're stressed, you've quit your job and are going to have a big mortgage to pay

Yes I’d realist on Tuesday. Inform the agent now that this is your plan and ask them if you should be delisting at a higher price Joe if there has been a shift in the market. Tell them that you will be spending Easter getting ready for viewings. Then go through with it
The current situation is untenable.

So many typos. Argh
Relisting
No idea what ZJoe has to do with anything. 🥴.

Call the EA tomorrow, tell them to put it back on the open market as the buyer has missed their deadline to exchange. Get lots of nosy people looking at it over the Easter weekend and you'll either get a new prospect or the current dickheads will actually kick their solicitor into action. Stop putting it off nd just take some decisive action. I had to do this last time I moved, but I got so pissed off on the phone they believed I was going to do it so I never actually had to. Find your anger and be decisive.

Will the EA be there tomorrow? It’s bank holiday and I thought it would all be frozen for four days now!

I am so pissed off with the buyers or their solicitor or whoever that I am, as DH worries, willing to cut off my nose to spite my face!

But perhaps seeing it back on the open market will force them into action?

We did threaten them last week but didn’t follow through as they promised us it would happen this week - and now this week is over and it hasn’t and they’re promising Tuesday. I just don’t believe them anymore. (All this through the EA though, we don’t have contact with the buyers.)

We’re in London - I don’t know if prices have risen in the last 5 months or not?

(And we’re moving to Bath, which is 2.5 hrs by public transport from our current place. And because it’s a popular city, I’m freaking out that we’ll lose out on the available school places at our preferred school. It has places in the two year groups we need, which is unusual, i’m told.)

I do recall when selling my late FILs house some years ago and despite being told I wasn't "allowed" to, I called the buyers useless solicitor directly and laid into him with a smile in my voice (probably very passive aggressive). He dug the file off the pile on his desk and lo and behold we exchanged the next day.

I'm sure the EA will be working - long weekends are busy for viewings.

I doubt the solicitors will be working but I think putting it back on the market tomorrow and having viewings next week will make your buyers pull their fingers out.

Or it won't and then you'll know!

Could the problem be the 10% deposit since you mentioned their solicitor hasn’t given a straight answer about whether or not they have it?

Realistically if there are no open enquiries (and assume their solicitor would have mentioned if there were) and everything else is ready the only thing I can think of is that there is an issue with the deposit or their mortgage and they have been scrambling to raise funds. Either way I’d relist. They are unreliable buyers.

Someone there will be working.
What's your contract with the EA? If you're able to threaten the EA with removing the house from their books they might pull their finger out and ride these buyers a little harder. Or work harder to find you replacements. I don't understand why everyone is so passive in this chain?

Whereas I have every sympathy with your position, and 100% understand your stress, realistically 5 months is very, very normal for a sale to go through.
I have bought 3 times, and it was 5 months each time.
This year, 3 younger relatives (all ftb) have completed, one was 4.5 months and 2 were 5 months.
From your title, I presumed you were talking about excessive delays.

As I say,, I have HUGE sympathy. I think the whole system is ridiculous and there must be things that could be changed BUT I am not sure what you would hope to achieve by starting again and delaying your move another 5 months. As your dh says, it sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Could the problem be the 10% deposit since you mentioned their solicitor hasn’t given a straight answer about whether or not they have it?
This has occurred to me too. I asked the EA, who said the buyers say they have it ready to go. But how would the EA know for sure?
Okay I will contact them in the morning and tell them to put it back on the open market until the buyers sort themselves out - or if they don’t, as least we’re lot losing any more time.

I could cry with frustration! I wonder if this stress is unusual or really common?!

A motivated chain with decent EA can move a lot faster. We made an offer in mid March and will be exchanging next week. Mind you, the chain underneath us has had to wait longer. I believe some of them started this process in October.

@Kite22

Whereas I have every sympathy with your position, and 100% understand your stress, realistically 5 months is very, very normal for a sale to go through. I have bought 3 times, and it was 5 months each time. This year, 3 younger relatives (all ftb) have completed, one was 4.5 months and 2 were 5 months. From your title, I presumed you were talking about excessive delays.

As I say,, I have HUGE sympathy. I think the whole system is ridiculous and there must be things that could be changed BUT I am not sure what you would hope to achieve by starting again and delaying your move another 5 months. As your dh says, it sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

That’s interesting that 5 months is normal! I wonder if it’s just the expectation we set at the beginning (that we’d exchange in February) that has made me so stressed.

And perhaps you’re right about cutting off my nose to spite my face!

Although it does feel like everyone is passive in this chain, like another pp said!

Go through with the threat, you'll be surprised to see how quickly they are ready to exchange then.