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Original poster

Can you help me decide whether to move please?

27 replies

JanieGaga · 26/02/2016 06:23

Where we are now:
Lovely house
Amazing garden
Space but a bit isolated (live on a busyish lane, can't walk to any amenities)
DS has to be driven to school bus 10 mins away

Where we are looking at:
Building plot - could build amazing house on it
Dreadful garden (could be made better but never amazing) because of nature of the site
Lovely village - can walk to shop, park, pub etc
DS could walk to school bus

So we would love to live in the village but we like our space.
We like the the freedom it would offer DS.
But the plot is not ideal, it's a bit closer to other neighbours and there are some tall, dark trees in a neighbours' garden behind (he's a pain apparently so no chance of getting them chopped) which I don't like.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/02/2016 06:25

I'd only move for something better, and that doesn't sound like it is. I'd wait for something else.

Original poster

JanieGaga · 26/02/2016 06:55

Yes throughthickandthin that may be the crux of it.
Unfortunately we won't ever be able to afford the sort of garden we have here in the village we like. This is probably the only way we'll get the sort/size of house we want (building). Family homes are in short supply and very expensive as demand is high. We do really love the village (have friends there) and dislike the cut off aspect of where we live now.
I'm worried we are trying to talk ourselves into it though when actually you are right and it won't be better overall.

OP posts:

wartynose · 26/02/2016 06:57

Hang on for something better.
A big project like building from scratch is all encompassing, exhausting and expensive. Worth it if you love the end result but not if its an 'it will do'.

Original poster

JanieGaga · 26/02/2016 07:09

We would love the house that we would build wartynose (and that is part of the draw, we've always wanted to build our own home) but yes, if it is stuck somewhere we don't love maybe we won't love it as much.

I don't like what you are both saying but I do know you are right!

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Nospringflower · 26/02/2016 07:47

I don't like the sound of the neighbours trees if they would shade the garden. If it wasn't for that I would say go for it as you can't get everything and is rather be in the village.

Toraleistripe · 26/02/2016 07:51

Do a simple costs benefits analysis. How many plusses for the move v how many negatives. I know it's simple but I tend to use this whenever I have a dilemma.

AgathaF · 26/02/2016 09:36

Will the neighbour's trees put your garden in shade, or will they just 'be there'?

If they wouldn't drastically affect the amount of sun in your garden, then I'd say go for it. The additional freedom for your DS is a huge positive, as is getting the type of house you'd like, and having the experience of building it yourself. If you find you don't actually like it once you've built it and lived in it for a while, there's nothing to stop you selling it and finding something better. You'll probably do well financially out of it too, so if selling it and moving on is what you decide to do in the future, it could well turn out to have been a good financial decision.

njptvr · 26/02/2016 12:00

Something else to possibly think about..... depending on how big the trees are / what they are / how close they are to your plot you may have trouble getting planning permission. There are a set of rules regarding how close you can build to certain types of tree and the effect they will have of depths / types of foundations that you must use!

Wuffleflump · 26/02/2016 12:24

I'd always prioritise ability to get about, especially independence for kids.

Being able to design your own home is a bonus.

Original poster

JanieGaga · 26/02/2016 21:10

Thanks all.
Madeleine - we have done that! Still none the wiser (it usually works though!)

The trees aren't too near the house so that shouldn't be an issue, I guess I am just used to a very open view which is why I don't like them.

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Honeyandfizz · 27/02/2016 08:21

Tricky one really. How old is your ds? I was talking to a colleague yesterday about priorities changing as our dc have got older, whilst my priority now is space and access to their school her dc are at uni and she is looking at downsizing. Your ds won't always need to access school, is all that hassle of a move/build really worth the upheaval? Your house now sounds amazing. Don't underestimate the value of privacy and open views. My new neighbours at the back of us chopped down a very mature tree and we are now very over looked & I hate it.

tilder · 27/02/2016 08:53

We had a similar dilemma.

Houses in the village in our price range had gardens the size of a postage stamp. We would need to double our budget to get a decent garden in a village.

Gardens in a village will feel more hemmed in than one outside. It's part of being in a village. Ditto the view. It's never or rarely going to be as sweeping for a village house than one in the sticks.

Building plots are as rare as hens teeth here.

A 10 minute drive is quite a long way for a teenager (and his taxi, which for non school run is likely to be you).

It sounds you like your current location. A village location will be different. Each are equally lovely. But am sure my kids would opt for the village location every time.

NattyTile · 27/02/2016 09:00

Village village village!

Original poster

JanieGaga · 27/02/2016 09:47

DS is 12yrs. We have a younger dd as well but too young to factor into the equation at moment! DS has friends in the village he can walk to so that would be good and eventually dd will be doing the same school journey/bus as him to secondary school.

I think ultimately we would want to live in a village rather than where we are now. It isn't our 'forever home' so even if we ended up downsizing in years to come it would be into a village rather than out of one.

Tilder - so what did you do?! Building plots are exactly the same in the village we're looking at too.

The way the plot is, we would have close neighbours but won't be particularly overlooked so that doesn't bother me too much.

So there's loads of reasons to move but whether this plot is the one - I still don't know!

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Waitingfordolly · 27/02/2016 10:37

You've listed three reasons that it would be better and one that it wouldn't be (garden/space) so I guess it depends how important that reason is compared to the others. I think you have said you are unlikely to get everything right. If you were told it had been sold to someone else, how would you feel?

tilder · 27/02/2016 15:23

We were really limited by options as so few houses come on the market. I would have taken a building plot above all else (provided it had full consent).

In the end we had a choice of modern 4 bed on small village development with small garden, cute 4 bed cottage on the road with no parking and small garden, or slightly larger house, good sized garden and parking 500m out of the village.

We went with the third. Has some drawbacks but overall works well for us.

If you took the building plot where would you live while building?

Original poster

JanieGaga · 27/02/2016 16:29

Tilder No idea where we would live! We haven't got that far yet We just need to make the decision first of all and everything else we could look into after. On paper it's a no brainer, we should do it but I just wish we loved didn't have reservations about the plot!

waitingfordolly - absolutely gutted but I think that is because we haven't made our decision yet. If we decided we didn't want it then I think I would still feel a pang but ok. If we decide we want it and someone gets in before us then obviously we would be really disappointed.

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Waitingfordolly · 27/02/2016 18:25

Let's try some different questions then!

Out of the things you've listed, which are most important to your lifestyle; and

If you don't go for this, how likely are you to find something that is better (if you can judge that)?

scarlets · 27/02/2016 18:40

I'd move to the village, for the sake of the children I think.

Original poster

JanieGaga · 28/02/2016 00:02

Key to wanting to move are all the 'lifestyle aspects' - freedom for kids, access to a local shop, building our own home, living in a community, security (not brilliant where we are because of the slightly 'isolated' nature of it.

Is the £1000000 question! If we don't take this opportunity then I genuinely believe that there will not be another opportunity for us to build in this particular village in anything like the near future (10 yrs at least). However we're not sure that is necessarily a good reason to live somewhere we aren't going to love, although we do need to bear it in mind!

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Waitingfordolly · 28/02/2016 08:40

So the move would seem to offer you the things that you think are most important, but you're still not sure.

In terms of the downside (the plot) what would the day to day impact on you be of living with this? Also, what does the rest of your family think? And how does this decision fit with your general approach to risk taking (you might want to think about whether you are being influenced by anyone's "voices")?

Hoping the questions are helping you to sort out the different strands of this!

Original poster

JanieGaga · 28/02/2016 15:09

Lol! Thanks Dolly.
Dh has been torn like me but we are both coming round to the idea of moving.
There aren't any day to day downsides of the plot I think, it is just so different.

I think one of the things that makes it tough is that we do love where we live. We're not moving because we don't like our house. It's a question of will we like village life more!
We are generally quite risk averse, dh more than me.

We haven't spoken to DC. Dd is too little, DS - I think will want to move although he loves where we live so I'm not sure. TBH although we will talk to him about it, I think it has to be our decision.

OP posts:

EustaceTheDragon · 28/02/2016 15:14

We're buying a house that has a smaller garden than I'd like, but I've come to the realisation that I'm decidedly not green fingered as much as I'd like to think I could someday become so; the children are only getting older and less inclined to muck about in the back garden. In five years or so they will prefer hiding in their bedrooms anyway.

The house itself is amazing, just perfect for us, so something had to give. I can live with the small garden.

Original poster

JanieGaga · 28/02/2016 16:12

Yes Eustace, we love gardens but green fingered we are not . I think as long as I can potter in it and have a bbq I am happy. DH's requirements are whether he can play football with DS in it!

OP posts:

Waitingfordolly · 28/02/2016 16:28

Hmm I can see that it's not easy to take a risk to make a change when you are not unhappy where you are, and I completely agree it's the adults' choice whether or not to move, I just wondered whether different views in the family were affecting the decision.

Can you spend a bit of time with your DP putting yourself three years into the future (or other appropriate timescale) and thinking through for each member of the family for each of the two scenarios what your lives would be like if you made that choice? Also are there any "experiments" you could do to try out life in the village (visiting friends?)

I know you probably don't have the luxury of time, but before I made a big move I spent a few months reflecting if I moved what would it mean for what I was doing both work related and in my leisure time / relationships with friends, which helped me to realise that whilst I would lose a bit I would gain a lot. I like lots of change though! You could do this by thinking backwards over your past few months.

Finally, I grew up in a v small village with no kids my age around and it was hard, and I decided I would never do that to my DD, but everyone's different and that may or may not be important to your kids!

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