First Home - Need to vent :(

[MrsCK]

We've just bought our first house and are doing it up before we move into it. I'm also pregnant and with so much work to do on the house we are looking after every penny.

My dad has been helping and offering advice but he very much wants to do things his way and he won't back off. I've spoken to my mum about it who has spoken to him but he's constantly making comments about stuff we have chosen. an example we have recarpeted the entire house for 1.5k including fitting. It doesn't include the old carpet being removed. We were quite happy with this and are happy to take the old stuff to the tip even if it does mean a fair few journeys but my dad flipped when I told him saying they will have to take it away they won't have a choice.

I guess it's just upsetting me because we want to do this our way without everyone interfering and having their say on our house. Have I really paid over the odds for the carpet?

sorry for the moan I'm just really sad :(

aww MrsCK what does you Dad help you with? If it isn't any actual work maybe best not to have him help that way he won't comment.

The price for carpet is fine especially since I am looking to spend £800 on carpet for my living room. Ideally it would be easier if they took the old carpet with them as it will save you the job of doing it but if your happy to then that is your decision.

My dad is exactly the same especially over paint colour kept saying magnolia and we will come and help. I definitely didn't want magnolia so just fob them off saying I was busy and then bought the paint I wanted and painted the room myself. I used to ask my parents for advice but quickly learnt by doing that they felt they had a right over what I should do. Now I don't ask unless I really need to.

This doesn't help your dad problem but offer your old carpet on freecycle and save yourself the hassle of taking to the tip. Even if it's poor condition it may still be taken - I used to use old carpet on my allotment to make the weeds die back on an overgrown patch I took on.

Thanks for your replies. Dad has been doing a lot of work for us. plumbing, flooring and general odds and sods so I feel really ungrateful but as you say by inviting his help it also invites him and FIL too tbh to think they have some ownership over decisions. there's no real way out of this because I know it would offend and upset my dad if I spoke to him and he'd just stop doing anything. I just want to be the one who makes mistakes and learns from them for next time otherwise how else will I learn if other people do it for me?

so I think I'll chat to my mum tomorrow. I need to speak to dad about taps tomorrow too....when on the phone today he told me he wants to replace some taps in our bathroom. trouble is he wants to choose them because he is fitting them Monday when we are at work (he lives 100 miles away so is travelling to and fro on the days he is helping out) ....anyway I'd really quite like to choose them myself...petty I know but I've worked hard for this house. I don't want other people choosing stuff. Now I sound like a spoilt teenager. I can't work out if I'm being unreasonable or not.

Thanks for the carpet info regarding price. I thought we had got a good price for it even if we do have to dispose of it ourselves.

great idea about free cycle too! thanks!

Can't you say you know someone who can get you a discount on taps or some other white lie. I know its little white lies but it satisfies your need to make decisions yet at the same time doesn't offend your Dad. My sister and her husband gutted her place and when my parents offered to buy things she just said she already had it because she didn't want our parents to pay for anything (her and husband wanted to pay for it themselves so they felt it was theirs). I knew though she hadn't purchased the stuff lol but it kept everyone happy.

I thought it was normal to take your own carpet away these days. we have.

Depends on your carpet as to whether its overpriced or not. Some people would spend 1k per room!

I always think its worth getting as good quality carpets as you can afford and they should last ages.

I've never known anyone take an old carpet away when I've had new carpets. Get a Stanley knife and cut it into squares. Takes up a much smaller space then and you can get it to the tip easily.

I never tell my DPs how much things have cost because my Dad in particular is funny about money. My DP is great at getting a good deal so I know we aren't profligate, but I have seen the look on my Dad's face and I know his out of kilter with the modern world attitude to various things we wouldn't bat an eye at.

With things like the taps, why don't you say to your Dad that you have an idea what you want and would appreciate his guidance, but you want to choose them as it's your home? I know from some other threads on here that certain shapes of tap, etc. are more awkward to fit, trickier to deal with if you have a washer to change, etc. and some brands are viewed as better.

Is he frustrated do you think because, for example, you haven't already got the taps ready for him to fit so he has to wait or act himself in order to get on with things? If it were me I'd be saying, "Right, I know which taps we're having, is there anything else we need to get from the plumbers' merchants for you to get the job done?"

He's doing you a big favour by travelling to help you out, but would his help be more useful if he was showing you what he is doing and why so you and your DH are learning how to do the jobs yourselves in future? That might be more satisfying to your Dad too.

But if he won't listen to what you want then perhaps you need to get someone in who you are paying for instead.

Thanks all for your replies.

In an ideal world it'd be perfect to have him show DH and I how to do stuff. Most of the stuff that's being done is 'extras' that we never intended to do right away. We both work 60 hours a week so Dad has been coming down whilst we are at work.

I know he's helping us out massively and I am so so so grateful for that....it means our house will be perfect for when we move and baby arrives.

Don't tell him how much things cost. Get used to little white lies.

I just paid nearly as much to carpet my bedroom and the didn't take the old carpet away so you've done well.

That's made me feel lots better. Thank you!

I believe companies have to pay a fee to dump waste at the tip, they certainly do at our local recycling centre. They would definitely have to add this fee on to the costs for the job, plus their time and labour to do it. It's much better to ask the householder to do it without charge.

Yes, things have probably changed since your Dad recarpeted. It used to be standard that the old was taken up and disposed of in any new fitting price, but that doesn't happen any more because of commercial waste costs. He probably doesn't know that.

I'm sure your house is going to be lovely, just try not to stress too much