What would you compromise on?

[alittlehoarse]

We have decided to take the plunge and move area next spring. Even typing that makes my stomach churn. Feels like such a big thing now we have 3 school age children so it needs to be the right move.

We have a list or a criteria for what we'd like but think to get all the things on the list we'd have to have double the budget. We will have to compromise somewhere, so out of interest can I ask what you would be prepared to compromise on most readily from our list.

Criteria- 1) Good secondary school catchments, preferably small primary as dc currently at tiny rural school.

2. Nice area where dc will have friends to play out with/call for.

3. Detached house (last 2 houses have been detached and have enjoyed the freedom that brings)

4. Decent garden. At least big enough for dc to have
   trampoline/swing.

There are things we'd like on top of this like a train station, a local shop for milk etc, quiet roads esp motorways etc because our dog is an escape artist. But the main points are hard enough to achieve. We don't mind old fashioned, needing renovation, etc

So what would you be willing to and not willing to compromise on ?

Number 3 would be the first to go, for us. I wouldn't be fussed about not being detached, if the area and house were otherwise good.

I'd compromise on the detached criterion but that's about it, from your list! Maybe the small school thing as I suspect that children could adapt better to a new large primary than a suddenly enormous secondary.

How far away are you considering moving?

Thanks for replying.

I think I am nervous of having someone through the wall. Last semi I lived in the neighbour was awful and would complain if there was any noise AT ALL like doing diy, baby crying with colic .

I think you are right about the school and tbh I would prefer a school much bigger than current school of 30 pupils but maybe to a 100 or so pupils rather than 350+.

How could you best check out neighbours if looking at a terraced/semi.

yourcruise Considering moving around 150-200 miles.

OP why don't you consider renting when you move for a year or so?

Then you can really work out a) which area you want to buy in and b) be more focused on which of those things you need to compromise on.

How far are you moving?

I'm with you on the detached criteria. We have been in our first detached house for 10 years now. I would find it difficult not being detached.

On your list, for me, a large garden would go. You can take your kids to local parks, then they'll be teens and it doesn't get used much,,anyway. This is from a mum with three boys!

Dh isn't keen on renting although I have suggested it a couple of times. We are moving back to the area we lived in originally but we lived there mostly pre dc and so don't know areas so well for family life.

Feels such a huge decision with 3 dc in tow. Taking them from the life the know and are comfortable with. It is hard to convince them there is so much more out there for them.

How old are your children?

Number 1

The only reason we have been able to stay where we are with its crappy schools because I discovered an independant British school that delivers live teaching online.

But that won't be everybody's cup of tea. But I didn't want to give up our tiny corner of rural Italy for the UK (not with a shellshocked Italian husband in tow looking askance at the weather and wilting visibly) and DS wanted to keep his firends and his well dug in roots, so it's been a godsend for us.

That sounds perfect carpe, wish it was somewhere as warm and sunny that we are moving to!

bowler dc are 4, 6 and 9.

I'd compromise on the detached aspect as I thought I'd never buy anything else but since living in a semi, a terrace and now a semi again it can work BUT it must be the right house.
Here we only hear next doors grandfather clock which is against the dividing wall & their grandkids in the garden. They say they can only hear DS when he's yelling in the garden.

I would compromise on (4) if you have a park/beach nearby and we had to compromise on (3) but I really wish it hadn't been necessary

Number 3 or 4 I would compromise on but never 1 or 2 location is most important :)

Northern Italy is not "warm and sunny".

It is boiling hot and wiltingly humid in summer and fecking freezing in winter. Well large swathes of it is. And not just the lumpy bits.

It's other stuff really that Italy has going for it. Just I am no longer really sure what that is exactly, just socially it feel different and "righter".

Do recken in the longer term being released from school related geographical constraints is going to open up a lot more options for people. But it is very new at the moment and you do get people going at you when you inadvertantly reveal that your kid's school isn't made of brick. Plus it has to fit with your working hours cos it's not like they go anywhere where somebody else can keep an eye on them. Well not during school hours anyway. That might be the next growth area for childminders. Overseeing school aged kids at internet based school then glowering at them to make them do their homework. Might need a considerably bigger slice of broadband to do it though.

OP we did the move when our DSes were about the same age (8 6 4). Yours may be slightly older when you move.

Our biggest regret was that we didn't rent. I do like our house, and we are staying, but it isn't the area we should be in for both closeness to (new) friends and schools. Please try and persuade your DH. Annoyingly it was me who wanted to buy because I wanted the security. Big mistake.

If you do buy then I would say your biggest priority has to be proximity/catchment to secondary schools. Your eldest will be virtually at that stage and the others following closely behind.

bowler I think we have the advantage of knowing areas because we are originally from the general area we are moving to. Not with children but I have friends and family dotted around who are a helpful source.

I would consider renting because I am so keen to get it right but I do worry about the stress of moving house an extra time.

When I look at areas I always look at the secondary schools because this needs to be a long term house and as you say my eldest is fast approaching that age. I do want a period of time of all 3 in primary school first so it won't be such a huge transition for them (esp eldest).

The thing is imo it is the people who make or break the area for us. Where we live now is very 'nice' but people are very reserved and it is hard to get past superficial
levels of friendship. Playdates are difficult to organise and don't really happen naturally due to the remoteness of where we are. That said I don't want to live in the city and would rather a village. A few places I have checked out with good reputations I have come across a bit of snobbery which is not what I'm looking for either.

Think I need to start a new 'find me the right village' thread!

I'd compromise 3 first, then 4. Neighbours can be a necessary evil sometimes...I'm extremely fortunate with the ones I have, but who know when or with whom they will be replaced.

I'd not be too tied to making a decision based on school either (says she with the primary school on the front doorstep!). Kids will grow and move on...so if this is your 'forever' move, think long term for you and DH.

Or get Kirsty and Phil on to it!!

I would say that you have identified the items you won't compromise on, and they seem very sensible to me, providing you don't then get picky about size of bedrooms/kitchen/decor

However, if pricing for houses which tick all four boxes is still over budget then garden size is probably the one to compromise on as most villages will have a decent recreation ground for football etc.
That is only and because garden size is the only one which would not have any potential to cause real issues .......
on schooling: poor schools can have variable effects on children. Some will do OK anyway, but others may crash & burn
on detached: even if current semi/terraced neighbours are un-intrusive they could sell to the people from hell !!
decent neighbourhood: you will be living there as your DC's move through the teenage years. Dicey area at the point where they are stretching wings and going out alone could have a very variable outcome!!

Garden size can't damage in any way.

I'd never compromise on being detached - I've been through the horror of being attached to noisy neighbours - NEVER again.

If I were you it would have to be 4 -though I appreciate that would be hard with kids.

I'd be happy with no garden at all.

Nice area is probably no 1 priority for me now.
With 3 kids schools are important too.

So I would compromise on the detached house.

Thanks all good points! now i need to find the right village/area!

Does anyone know why the 'start a new thread on here' would have gone from each section??

I am on mobile site as on phone, is it just me?? Mn trying to tell me to shut up!!

Still visible to me.
Looking from your thread ....immediately below the dark blue bar saying "Topics » Property/DIY" ....And immediately above: Add a message.

Its the first in the line of links, adjacent to "Watch this thread?

In the end I got everything I wanted but my compromise was buying a bungalow not a house. Don't discount them. You get a good sized garden and sq ft often more space for same money. They tend to go for less money and you can do amazing things with them. We are doing a huge back extension and a loft conversion and will end up with 1600 sq ft and we are in a fab location with a great secondary school.

Thanks mumngran i see it here on this thread but not on each topic (like property/diy) Will try starting new thread from here!!
angryfeet we like bungalows. Used to have one and technically our current house is one although it is a 'cottage'!

Off to see if anyone can suggest a village/area in our desired location!