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Original poster

At what age did you buy your 'forever' home?

61 replies

icravecheese · 26/06/2013 09:55

And how much of a step up was it from your 'not quite forever' home?

I'm 34, DH 37. Many of our friends (who are admittedly turning or over 40) are in process of buying their 'forever' homes. And hence has left me pondering whether we are already in our forever home, or if we'll move on.....

Whilst I didnt buy our current house thinking we'd stay here forever (been here 8yrs, bought it the year we married, now have 3 young children), I totally love our house - detached Victorian, driveway, nice garden, playroom, good school catchment.

However, because we bought it before we were even married, it has never felt like our final 'grown-up' home, even though we really stretched ourselves to buy the most we could afford at that time (and consequently bought a family home before we'd even started thinking about family life).

I wonder if I just have itchy feet due to the number of friends moving / looking to move at mo, so I guess I'm just wondering when others found their forever home / at what age / what made it the 'forever' place?

OP posts:
WorkInProgress · 26/06/2013 10:04

Life doesn't work like that. We bought a fab house when we were 36, but had to move because of redundancy/new job. We bought in new area but not 100% happy with the house. So 42 and counting - may never happen. Enjoy what you have is my advice.

Mintyy · 26/06/2013 10:11

I don't plan to have an f-word home at all.

I hope my f-word home will be my retirement flat or my room at the nursing home.

I cannot bring myself to use that hideous saccharine phrase, sorry!

Cravingdairy · 26/06/2013 10:13

Your current house sounds like my dream home and I'm 36. Comparing yourself to other people will only make you unhappy.

MrsLyman · 26/06/2013 10:13

I agree with workinprogress, the concept of a 'forever home' comes from property programmes and has been latched onto by estate agents as a way of making you buy into the property dream and spend more money than you can afford on a house Grin

From what you say in your post you neither need nor want to move, you're just a bit envious that your friends get to experience the new house excitement and the fun of making a place their own. However, the reality is that moving house is expensive, stressful and time consuming, better to try and focus on what you already have, which sounds like a very nice place to live.

CoolStoryBro · 26/06/2013 10:21

I'm 40 and own a lovely home. I would feel very sad if this was it though. There's still a million things I want to do in life and living in the same house for the next 40 years isn't one of them.

Original poster
icravecheese · 26/06/2013 10:23

Yes thanks ladies for knocking some sense into me, you are totally right.

The ridiculous thing is, most of my friends in the process of moving are all having a complete nightmare of a time, so I've no need to be envious at all. In fact I don't think i'm 'envious' as such, just the constant chat of rightmove / houses for sale / house viewings in the playground has made me wonder whether i'm getting left behind in my 1st marital home. I do adore our home, I think I just need the confidence or realisation that I'm bloody lucky to live where I do and am NOT involved in the nightmare that is house moving.

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VivaLeBeaver · 26/06/2013 10:23

I love my home, can't see we'd ever move. Unless we won the lottery and bought something for £millions!

mamapants · 26/06/2013 10:32

I'm 29 and have just bought what we consider to be a forever home- sorry to those who don't like the phrase but its how we think of it. We don't ever want to have to house hunt, go through buying process, move and decorate again so we were looking for the house we wanted for life.
But we both bought our first houses as single people so they weren't really suitable for a family. Your house sounds great. You shouldn't be jealous of living out of boxes, dealing with solicitors and paying a mortgage till you retire which is probably what a lot of your friends will be doing

echt · 26/06/2013 10:42

We bought our house in Australia two years ago, and we're in our late 50s. It's our forever home by default unless our wheels fall off. It's not perfect, but it's lovely. I wonder though if I'm more aware of the less perfect bits because This. Is. It.

Back in the UK, our house was completely perfect, but was it perfect because it fitted us at that point? I was getting itchy about the garden, wanting to re-design.

Comparisons with others is the road to feelings of being unsettled that aren't reasonable, it seems.

TheSecondComing · 26/06/2013 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 26/06/2013 10:48

It is manufactured media speak There is no such thing life changes things happen. Wherever you are atm is your home but no one can say forever about anything. I agree with be happy with what you have and see beyond material its meaningless

wantaholiday · 26/06/2013 10:51

I don't get the 'forever home' thing.

1 When I was single I lived in a one bed flat. (London)
2 When I first met DH and got married we lived in a two bed flat with a garden. (London)
3 We moved to the country and bought a small three bed house. We had three DCs there and the house became two small.
4 We moved to a large five bed detached house in a village with a school for the children to go to and good secondary catchment. This is were we now live. When the children grow up and leave home we'll sell this house and move to a smaller house that suits our needs better because we won't need a large family house.
So, I have no 'forever home' I just live in a house that suits our needs at the time.

MrsLyman · 26/06/2013 10:52

Happiness comes from appreciating what we have rather than longing for something we don't.

This is the zen you are looking for (me too btw Smile)

wantaholiday · 26/06/2013 10:56

BTW I think the whole idea of a 'forever home' is a road to misery. When you are elderly and single do you plan to stay put in a large house that you can't afford to heat/ repair or even go upstairs in because it's a 'forever home' and you can't give up on this dream?

MrsLyman · 26/06/2013 10:59

I imagine it was Kirsty Allsop who first came out with it. There are a lot of people who get to a certain point in life when they want to buy a house that they don't want to have to move from ever or at least until the 'retirement bungalow'.

The concept has just been wrapped up and marketed to be a lifestyle. Which is why I can't hear the phrase without picturing agas.

AKissIsNotAContract · 26/06/2013 10:59

When I bought my flat in London at 22 I thought that would be my forever home. I never thought I'd get married, want children or want to leave London. I bought the house I'm in now in W Sussex with DP last year when I was 30. I can't see us ever being able to afford anything bigger so I now see this as my forever home. I agree the term is twee.

My life has changed massively in the last 8 years. Who knows what the next 8 will bring.

noisytoys · 26/06/2013 10:59

The flat I am in now is probably my forever home (home for the foreseeable future). It's big enough for our needs, we don't have the idea that bigger is better, and the mortgage is due to be paid off when I am 36. I can't imagine wanting to move then!!

MrsCampbellBlack · 26/06/2013 11:03

For me this is the house we will spend a long time in, so I guess a 'forever home'. In that, we'll do what we want to it to make it work for us, rather than planning to update and sell on in a couple of years.

I was 38 when we bought it 2 years ago but it needs totally renovating.

kitsmummy · 26/06/2013 11:05

I was 35 when we bought this house, it's the fourth house I've owned and I can't imagine ever moving again. It's lovely and everything we need and want

Dumpylump · 26/06/2013 11:05

I intend to be in the house I'm in now til I die. Own it with no mortgage and am in the process of converting double garage into "granny flat" for ds1 who is asd. That means he will be independently living - but with us as safety net too. Ds2 who is 12 has already decided that when I do die, he and his family will move into the house so that his big brother can stay put! Grin

dufflefluffle · 26/06/2013 11:06

36 - when we moved in but we built and and so were planning it for the 10 years prior to that. TBH it's a bit of a millstone in that it's gorgeous and absolutely perfect so we just cannot bring ourselves to upsticks and move even if we want/have to!
"Forever" is for when we retire I think!

Dumpylump · 26/06/2013 11:06

So in answer to the ops question...I was 43 when we moved here.

Bramshott · 26/06/2013 11:06

I think you just move a bit less often as you get older. We bought this house aged 30ish, with one DC because our previous house was only 2 bed and too small. We've been here 7 years now (having previously stayed in houses 2, then 3, then 4 yrs) have 2 DCs and are not planning to move again any time soon. For now, this house suits us.

I'm not planning on dying here however Hmm. We might move in the future for any number of reasons:

  • seeing a house that looks like it would suit us better
  • kids wanting to be nearer town when they're teenagers
  • changing jobs
  • kids leaving home
  • having to downsize
  • hell my DH might event leave me and run off with the builder next door and then I'd have to move out!
Original poster
icravecheese · 26/06/2013 11:06

Yes, its definitely a Kirsty Allsopp term! Plus I was reading a house mag last night in bed and 3 of the homes featured were deemed the 'forever' home and the owners had lived in loads of houses before that.

As a child, we moved about 3 times in total, so not many, but it was always up onto the next rung of the ladder (i.e slightly bigger or nicer or better house than the one before).... I guess I find it 'strange' that me and my family probably don't need to do that as we're already in a lovely house. My kids sometimes ask 'when are we moving house?' because so many of their friends are.....it has made me over-think the whole house thing. Plus my addiction to rightmove (to check out all the houses I keep hearing about in the playground) and house mags doesnt help things.

I need to step away from these things and be thankful for what I've already got Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
icravecheese · 26/06/2013 11:09

dumpy - totally love your converted garage flat idea for ASD DS1, plus DS2 saying he'll move in when you go so that DS1 can stay put Smile

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