OT 'shocked' that my dd doesn't put her hand up

[Aranea]

My 5yo dd1 is in reception and being assessed by an OT as her gross motor skills and co-ordination are poor.

He visited the school today and I had a brief chat with him this afternoon in which he described the following:

The class were shown a picture of a nectarine and asked whether anyone knew what it was. No-one knew, and they were all guessing, 'plum,' 'orange,' etc. Dd1 didn't put her hand up to guess, and the teacher asked her what she thought. She knew it was a nectarine. The OT said he was 'really shocked' that she had not put her hand up.

Is he right to be? Dd1 tells me she doesn't bother putting her hand up because a)she doesn't think she will be picked to answer; and b) her arm aches if she holds it up for too long.

His use of the word 'shocked' has taken me aback a bit, as I would have just thought Dd1 was being a bit lazy. I'm sort of jumpy about this, as I don't really know what conclusions he is drawing yet. Any thoughts please??

My DD1 (6) doesn't like the limelight so doesn't put her hand up.

DS1 is 9 and still often doesn't put his hand up even if he knows the answer.

Some children are just like that, he participates much more in group work.

Pixie, I think that definitely could be part of it. She has poor muscle tone and tires quite easily.

I don't think she has any issues with the limelight, MrsWobble!

I would have thought a lot of children don't put their hands up when they know the answer, some children are too shy, don't want to talk in front of people or are happy to let someone else answer.

Dd1 has week arms and legs (possible dyspraxia or low muscle tone) but has a lot (too much) confidence and will put her hand up even if she doesn't know the answer.

Neither of mine put their hand up - DS1 because he doesn't think of it, just blurts out the answer. He has mild AS/dyspraxia and sees an OT who doesn't find it odd in the slightest. He would have trouble holding his arm up straight and not letting it fall and wack the head of the person next to him!

DS2 (who is in Yr 1)is because he hates the limelight and doesn't like to speak in the crowd.

I think the word shock is an over-reaction - it does make your arm ache to hold it in the air whilst others get to answer the question and for a child who needs an OT I can imagine it isn't worth the effort!

Is the OT very young/inexperienced?

No, Niecie, he tells me he's been doing it for 15 years!

He mentioned it in the context of saying that she 'switches off', so I suppose he must be thinking it's more than just not wanting to hold her arm in the air.

It is very alarming to have someone assessing your dc... it makes you worry about things you would never normally give a second thought to!

For her entire primary career DD couldn't be arsed bothered to put up her hand because she said she knew the answer and the teacher knew she knew the answer so what was the point in her mind

DS is too shy and hates any attention so avoids putting up his hand at all costs.

Shocked is a daft word in this context. It implies a lack of understanding of small children.

I just wondered if he was new to the job because shocked is a very loaded word and quite a strong word when it is quite a minor thing to be shocked about.

Maybe she wasn't listening but then I would have thought no teacher in year R has the attention of all the children all the time. If she switched off maybe it was because there was a strange man in the room.

Don't worry too much about assessments - his is probably one of several and I tend to think of them as a way of getting help not as a bad thing. You will get your say.

RatherBeOnThePiste - I have suspected for a while that dd1's attitude is the same as your dd's. Mine certainly was when I was at school.

I suppose, Niecie, that the trouble is I start to become unclear what my 'say' ought to consist of. I start to question everything and lose confidence in myself and dd.

But I think you are right. 'Shocked' must be a bit too strong for this situation.

I hate to cut and paste from quotes so I am so incredibly sorry but:

Dd1 tells me she doesn't bother putting her hand up because a)she doesn't think she will be picked to answer; and b) her arm aches if she holds it up for too long.

Sounds to me like the teacher has favourites and she's realised that her teacher only chooses a few people to answer questions so she's given up trying to bother.

Just a thought.

I find it very odd that someone would be "shocked" by a child not putting up her hand. It doesn't take much to put you off holding your hand up, and on its own it cannot be used as a judgment of someone's concentration skills, physical abilities, communication skills or personality. So "shocked" is a ridiculous word to use. However, the not putting her hand up and the reasons for this are part of the picture the OT needs to make of your dd and her needs, as it is important that she does try to contribute in class. Any barriers to this communication need to be understood and dealt with. So not putting her hand up in class is an important issue if she really never does it, just not remotely a shocking or unexpected one!

dd (5) would not put her hand up, but would be quite happy to respond if asked. I don't think it is particularly unusual at this age. Perhaps he was surprised because it did not seem consistent with your dd's outgoing personality?

I've never put my hand up in my whole life. My mother came home from one parents' evening and said a teacher had got quite narked and said I was "refusing to share my knowledge".

Ds and dd are the same. Always answer if asked specifically in class, but never volunteer.

(I think, ahem, it might be part of a superiority complex combined with shyness. Let all the others supply the wrong answer; I'll just sit here and smugly think "I know that" to myself.)

DD1 started to put hand up when she first went to school but stopped because she "doesn't get picked" (her words) She doesn't put her hand up now because its now cool

DS Doesnt put his hand up becuase he is too shy and sees other people desperate to be chosen so lets them get on with it!

DD2 to afraid to put hand up most of the time because she thinks she will be laughed at for getting it wrong.

DS2 does now put his hand up for didnt for the first 3 years at school, in fact he wouldnt even speak in reception! If he had raised his hand to answer a question the teacher who have thrown a party, the first day he answered his name in the register the she phoned me up to tell me! (he had been there nearly a year)

To say he was shocked to me means he hasnt experienced it before but I work in a school and see it on a daily basis.

There are those who hold their hands up staight,
their are those who wave their hands,
their are those who make noises,
their are those who practically jump up and down,
their are those who raise their hand slightly in the hope they dont get picked,
their are those who hold their hand up behind them
and their are those who just sit quietly waiting for calm to return.

I would be surprised if the teacher had favourites and genuinely never picked my dd. She is a very caring and committed newly qualified teacher and I would have thought she would try hard to be fair. Also she is already fighting a bit of a battle to hold my dd's attention so I would not expect her to ignore all efforts to join in. I expect dd's efforts to answer questions are sometimes ignored, but it is a class of 30. Dd isn't really keen on being part of a group and I can imagine that she would not feel great about not being picked.

gramercy, I think there may be something in what you say... dd1 is a funny combination of overconfidence and shyness, and I think 'superiority complex' covers it rather well.

I like that, MrsWeasley. I can imagine dd1 sitting quietly waiting for calm to return. Thank you for that.