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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should she stay or should she go?

23 replies

rollonbedtime · 24/02/2010 20:23

Hi, my daughter is in reception of a small private school. She also has some SEN's, she is about two years behind developmentaly.
She only has one term left in reception, but I think she'll stay on to do another year in reception.
She loves the school and is very happy there. She is also very close to several girls in her class.
I'm a bit aware that she'll feel left behind if she repeats the year, and will miss her friends.
We don't know how much longer we'll be able to pay the fees for anyway, and wondered if the end of the year would be a good time to take her out?
There are only 10 children in her class at the moment and she is recieving a lot of support, but it is extreamly obvious that she is very far behind.
She should be having Speech therapy, but they stopped it because she's at a private school.
My plan was to keep her there for as long as I could and hope that she improves in the mean time, enough for other children to understand her speech and for her to become properly toilet trained. I feel that she'd cope with the change in schools better, and make new friends easier when these things have improved.
I don't think that now's a good time, but will it become harder as she gets older?

OP posts:

Original poster

rollonbedtime · 24/02/2010 20:24

She is the only child in her class with SEN's all the rest are very accademic.

OP posts:

Original poster

rollonbedtime · 24/02/2010 20:38

bump

OP posts:

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 24/02/2010 20:45

There are children at ds's school with sen, some with needs similar to your daughters, they are all made to feel welcome but I am aware that this is not always the case in some schools. What does your heart tell you? I'm tempted to tell you to move her to a state school so she can get access to the support that she needs to be honest with you. You can spend the money that you save on the fees doing fun things with her during the holidays (not meaning that you don't already). I think it would be unfair to keep her back a year when all of her friends are moving up but it can be really difficult finding the right school and accessing the support so you have to decide whether it's in your daughters best interest to rock the boat. What age does her current school go up to?

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 24/02/2010 20:45

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 24/02/2010 20:46

Sorry about that, it came up with a blank screen when I posted

mimsum · 24/02/2010 20:47

you're not mummyloveslucy are you? or her dh? as that scenario sounds very familiar - and most of the advice mll has had from this board has been that her dd would probably be better off in state school with appropriate support - tbh it doesn't sound like the school really has enough experience with SEN to cater for her needs, which is not at all uncommon with small private schools

Original poster

rollonbedtime · 24/02/2010 20:50

Her current school goes up to 18 years old. We couldn't afford to keep her there for the secondery school though.
My heart tells me to keep her there for as long as is humanly possible, but sometimes I do worry that she is so far behind and the other children know it I think. The parents certainly do.

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havoc · 24/02/2010 21:00

I know this is very easy for me to say, but I would be looking to move her sooner rather than later. A good state school would provide the speech therapy and SEN support she needs.
In a state school she is unlikely to be the only one with SEN. Being the only non aacademic child in a class might dent her confidence over time.

But,as I said, it is easy for me to say!

Original poster

rollonbedtime · 24/02/2010 21:00

No, I'm not mummyloveslucy. I'm new.

This is an extreamly good school, I know they vary so much but this one really is lovely. It's like a home from home for my daughter.

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BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 24/02/2010 21:01

Sod the other parents, you can't win most of the time. If you have a child who is incredibly bright they gossip aswell, they have to have something to talk about. Is her current school meeting her needs? If she's falling further behind then they are not, if she's not recieving the right support then they are not. I'm not anti-private school, my son is in one, I believe in finding the right school for the child though. If she's not having her needs met then it's not the right place for her. The state system isn't perfect but at least she can recieve the support that she needs.

Original poster

rollonbedtime · 24/02/2010 21:03

That has crossed my mind too havoc, it's a hard decission as I really want her to stay where she's happy and settled but I'm not sure it is the best thing long term.

OP posts:

cat64 · 24/02/2010 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

spitandpolish · 24/02/2010 21:11

I would think that she would be better off in the state system where her sn would be supported properly and she would be in a mixed ability class of max 30 with a teacher and a TA and with support from a sn TA and speech therapist rather than being in a class of 10 where the gap between her and the other 9 is so big.

What makes you think that she is getting a lot of support now? My private school gave the most support to the children who would gain kudos for the school by getting places at Oxbridge and brilliant A level results. The parents of the bog standard kids like me were told how we were being extended and how our education was 'individually tailored' but it was all bollocks. As for the below average dcs, their parents paid their money for years only to be told that theirs dcs wouldn't be sitting their gcses because their mediocre results would reflect badly on the school.

In the state system she is likely to get some 1:1 and there is a greater chance of her being able to work in a small group with other dcs at her level rather than either working on her own or working out of her depth in a group.

havoc · 24/02/2010 21:18

I would be swayed by the speech therapy. My DS confidence and (very basic!) written work, in addition to his speech, has improved over the last 6mths after having ST. The early she has access to this the better.
But, not an easy choice.

spitandpolish · 24/02/2010 21:19

Sorry, that was a bit ranty. What I am trying to say is is their any evidence that she is getting the right support other than the teacher telling you she is? If there is only 10dcs altogether and the Y1 teacher cannot diferentiate the work then does that indicate a problem, or does it just mean that your dd would do better with younger children even though she has already got social ties to the dcs she is already with. Is she taking up a disproportionate amount of the teachers time in order to get the support she needs and is that going to continue.

rainbowinthesky · 24/02/2010 21:20

Your post is identical to mummyloveslucy. I pointed out on that thread that somethign is seriously wrong in a teacher cannot differentiate teh work out of a class of 10 children to suit a child with different needs. Really, that would have me running.

jollyma · 24/02/2010 21:31

Why does she not get Speech Therapy because she is at private school? Are the therapists in your area linked to the schools? Surely you can access therapy by taking her to the hospital for sessions.

If you decide to move her into state school do everything you can to get a Statement of Special Educational Needs drawn up BEFORE you move her. This can take months and if you move her first she'll get very little support before someone is employed to help her specifically.

Are there any children with SEN in your dd's school who are older? I would ask around and speak to their parents to get an idea about support as academic demands increase.

Visit your local state schools and ask lots of questions before you make a decision.

smee · 24/02/2010 21:33

Not sure if this helps at all, but my son is in Yr1 of a state primary and has a girl in his class who has a dedicated TA with her all the time. She gets Speech Therapy too. She's very much part of the class - they all learned to do basic signing in reception for example to communicate with her. I get what you're saying in that she has a community there and she's happy, but she could get that at the right state school too and it sounds like she might get more support too. Got to be worth a look at least.

Frog253 · 24/02/2010 21:46

My suggestion is to move to a state school as others have said and get access to the speech therapist again (they work wonders). You can then 'save' the money you are currently using for her primary education for a private secondary education, where a smaller home from home type of school might be preferable to a large comprehensive.

Original poster

rollonbedtime · 24/02/2010 22:29

Thanks everyone. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I'm now at work.
I will look around some state primarys and see what I think.
At the moment she is getting 10 minutes twice a day of 1 to 1 to help with her sounds and word building. She has improved with this and can now read some 3 letter words and build some words herself, on a very good day. The progress is slow but steddy.
She looks forward to going to school and has a very good relationship with her teacher.

OP posts:

annh · 25/02/2010 01:18

Truly, your situation seems to be identical to Mummyloveslucy, down to the number in her class, your feelings about the school, toileting problems and even the fact that you both work nights. Many posters on here have given very good advice on several occasions to Mummyloveslucy so perhaps you should do a search on some of her posts and see what people have advised her to do.

claig · 25/02/2010 09:02

I think it would be a shame to repeat reception and to be split up from her current friends. If that is what you are thinking of doing, then I think it would probably be a good time to try a state school. Hopefully at the state school there would be other children at a similar level to your DD. It sounds like she would get better help at the state school. You could try it and if she really didn't like it, you could then think about putting her back in her current school.

mummysaurus · 25/02/2010 11:12

If you have a statement then SALT would be able to come into a private school. there is nothing in the rules that would prevent that happening.

Agree that you shouldn't move until you have the statement in place. a ratio of 10 to 1 sounds fab.

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