How can I help him?

[Shelly75]

DS has just started primary (4yo) and is finding it hard to make friends. I have suspected that this is because he doesn't know how to "play" well with others in a unsupervised setting. Today, after an incident in the playground this week, I went along to watch what went on. As I stood, unobserved by the edge of the playground, I saw him hassle other kids, play fight and generally act in a silly way. Most of the others his age were not acting like this. He is actually a really lovely little boy and it breaks my heart to see him being so bad. How do I encourage him to play nicely, and how on earth will he make friends if he carries on acting like an numpty?! Any advice ?

Lots and lots of play dates with your input maybe ?

Hi. Your DS sounds exactly like mine when he started school. The thing to remember is that he is probably behaving this way because he is feeling anxious about where he fits in with the group. The approach I took was to have lots of one on one playdates. As well as firmly upholding boundaries re behaviour, I also made a real effort to build up DS's social self esteem through descriptive praise ie "you were a really good friend when you ...". As DS's social confidence improved, his behaviour improved.

thanks for the replies .... i think I will try the playdate idea. He has come home from school today with another note about poor behaviour. He can't verbalise what he is feeling and I just feel so sad for him. I agree that it is about social confidence. I am waiting for his teacher to phone me - hope she will have some ideas as well.