Advice from Reception Teachers - Im extremely concerned about a disruptive child in my sons class

[ilovegarlic]

In a nutshell...My child has just started in reception in a lovely school in Wales.

One particualr boy in the class who was quite boystrous at nursery is swearing, using slang words (sh*t for poo etc..) and is generally being very discruptive.

Of course some of the boys and mine also thinks its quite funny and is copy catting...hence getting into trouble.

When my child is not around this boy his behaviour is fine but I can tell when he has been in his company due to bad habits that mirror this boys.

I feel that strong that I am considering taking my child out of the school.

I'd like to know what I should do, do I speak with the teacher but would they think I was being totally obbsessive and would my child then get picked on? Or do I leave it and drill into my child to keep away or do I move him.

I would be interested to hear from Reception Teachers what they do and how they react to complaints from parents

I would just concentrate on your own son, enforcing the behaviour you think is appropriate. There will always be children who behave differently to your child, the teacher is aware of them and will have strategies in place for them.

Also, teachers don't pick on children because they don't like or are annoyed by their parents.

Your dc will avoid this child in time if he sees him as a source of trouble. My ds is now yr 2 and has decided the 'silly' boys aren't for him as he loses play time etc. In Reception he thought they were the funniest kids around. There will always be children who behave inappropriately in class and it's best to concentrate on educating your child about 'good behaviour' so he can make choices about his friends. The teacher will have star charts etc to encourage this good behaviour.

They would think you are being obsessive and very PFB. Yes, you could teach your 4 year old how to socially exclude other children, however it sounds like you would be better off home educating.

Move him to a school for softies.

Yes they do have a chart - Ive booked an appt to speak to the class teacher for re-assurance.

Fran - thanks Im sure my ds will do the same and more on

If you are this worried, then of course you should speak to the teacher in private. Ask to speak to him/her. I think this is a natural worry, not obsessive behaviour.

A teacher - and head - would much rather have the chance to ease a parent's worries than to have pupils inexplicably moving school.

Isn't it good that he's meeting all sorts? Isn't it great that he'll learn how to handle himself amidst these people? Can't you see it as a fantastic way of learning how the world spins and realising he can cope amidst it. Honestly, I think mixing with all sorts is a really positive side of school, and let's face it ever class has at least one child you'd rather not meet every day, so even if you move him there will be someone else in the new school.

yes but I dont think a 4 year old should be referring to poo as sh*t or swearing and using it in meaningful context, bullying other kids, disrupting the classroom and lessons....I could go on.

If it were my child I would want to know...its unacceptable behaviour for the 1st year at school.

Absolutely and if the school isn't handling that then they're not very good. So talk to his teacher and see what he/ she says garlic. I'd say if it's as lovely a school as you say, they'll be on top of it.

It is hard to get a clear understanding from the op what 'very disruptive' actually means. Some posters are assuming you are just being snooty rather than worried about behaviour and learning in the classroom.

This is your son, garlic. Speak to the teacher.

Don't be silly, of COURSE the parents know - that's probably where he's got it from! He's four years old, he hasn't picked it up on a street corner.

Wackford Squeers, all is forgiven.

Sorry. That was rude. I shouldn't have pressed post. Honestly though, wherever you go your son will meet children with a range of interesting behaviour. A lively boy using the word shit occasionally sounds pretty standard and mild, tbh. The reception teacher will think you are rather sheltered, I imagine, unless there's more to this than your post details. Having said that, you could speak to her to reassure yourself that all is well. Even if s/he did think you were overreacting she would be v unprofessional if s/he took it out on your son and am sure would not dream of doing so.

He hasn't necessarily picked it up from his parents, it may be from older siblings or cousins or neighbours.

I agree with Scummy.

This is what happens when our children go out into The World, and it will be like this from now ion, unless you move to an Amish community, or something.

learning to make decisions about who to copy is an important and empowering skill. When DS started school he felt very loyal to a freind from nursery, and found it hard not to answer him when he spoke to him on the carpet. He genuinely couldn't work out that it was OK and not rude to ignore someone talking to him when he was supposed to be quiet. So we practised it, and i also explained to DS that by replying he was actually getting his friend into more trouble.

Teach him your standards about unsavoury language, and he wil soon be shocked and telling outraged tales about who said what bad word - spelled out.

And teachers know all about who influences who and as the term gos on, they shuffle them about and put them in diferent places.

Don't worry!

My son (now 6) might well be a child that you would prefer your child kept away from. He is loud and very boisterous. He has never heard bad language at home and has never used it in front of me (there would be trouble), but yet I am aware that he has done so on at least one occasion in front of another parent.

I am trying hard to deal with this and I know my son does it because he does not know how to relate to other children and has worked out a way that he can be seen as funny, if only for a moment. We are working so hard on his social skills and it breaks my heart that other parents do not invite him around and encourage their children not to have anything to do with him. He is a lovely boy but just does not get the subtle social cues that other children do and it is taking him time to learn them.

I know this is my issue not that of other parents, but thought it might help you to see another perspective. I would also say that my son periodically gets accused by other children of stopping them from concentrating in lessons. I have talked to the teacher, TAs and the head and they are all emphatic that this just does not happen as ds loves school work and other children tend to use him as an easy excuse for their own behaviour (the school's explanation not mine).

You don't have to drill your child to keep away from this boy: you just have to drill him to behave! Make it quite clear to him that whatever this other little boy does, he is responsible for his behaviour and you will expect him to remember this.

Your little boy will only be safe in life if you manage to get him to understand that being led astray by others is never an excuse. He will hear bad language throughout his life, he will see bad behaviour, home educating wouldn't be enough unless you plan to keep him locked up in a closet.

And frankly, if you can't get your little boy to behave, what hope has the teacher of getting the other little boy, who no doubt is copying what he hears, to behave?

Hearing another child say shit is hardly a reason for withdrawing your child from a school. And boys do wind one another up and get boisterous at school - all the little boys in my DDs class last year used to wind each other up like crazy. It is normal.

My son has just finished in Recpetion. He is now in Yr1. Over the summer holidays I discovered that he knows the f* word. . He learnt it at school from a 'lively' boy. However my son has been taught that some words are unacceptable and he chooses not to use them around adults. He certainly didn't hear it at home and he told me who told him this word. I still like him to play with this boy and I still talk to his mother.

In your case I think if it reassures you then yes go and see the teacher. However, you should concentrate on helping your own son make good choices with his own behaviour.

I think there's always one 'disruptive' child in every class to some extent.

My DS was drawn to the one in his reception class and the first term was tricksy. But by the end of his first year he'd learnt a lot about handling himself and conflict. He learnt when to walk away from someone or a situation when it was all getting a bit too silly.

This development of his social skills in difficult situations was the best thing he learnt in reception.

I did mention my concerns at one point to the teacher but was quickly reassured that the school were on top of the situation.

The teacher will not talk to you about another pupil's behaviour. By all means go and talk to her about your child's behaviour. Almost every class, in every school in the country will have a child whose behaviour you might class as disruptive. In my class there are about 15.

I absolutely agree with the posters saying that this is the way that children learn about appropriate behaviour, and learn to make good choices.

I'm sure the teacher will be well aware of the child's behaviour, and will be working with his parents, and possibly the school Senco (if appropriate).

If you move your child to another school, he'll simply meet other "disruptive pupils".