DD in tears again today. About moving up to secondary school

[OrmIrian]

We went to see the school that DH and I want her to go to last night. She is already familiar with it as DS#1 goes there. She got really upset with me in the car as she said she wants to go to the school all her friends are going to but I wouldn't send a dog there TBH. But in the end it became clear that it wasn't the school it was leaving primary She loves it there. She was actually sitting in the hall listening to the Head give a speech with tears streaming down her face. She did cheer up a lot when she realised some of her friends were there and they might be also applying to the same school but I can see it's going to be hard on her. She did love the art room and the textiles room and didn't want to leave the library!

DH and I are 100% certain this is the best school and she has accepted she is going there but it's going to be so hard for her

Oh that is sad.

IME it's been the parents who find the whole process heartbreaking and teh children can't wait to move up to 'Big School' no matter how much they've enjoyed primary.

I felt like your dd, though - didn't want to leave my 'security blanket' and I found the whole thing v difficult. Does she also have any out of school activities like youth club, guides etc where she's likely to be able to meet up with old friends too?

My DD started to struggle with the idea of leaving primary at the end of year 4 (she wept bitterly about it at the end of the summer holiday).

I then made the mistake of taking her to see a school that we were interested in right at the beginning of year 5, as other parents told me I had to start doing it early because of 11+ decisions, etc. She absolutely hated it - so big, so scary, head's speech so long (she got that bit right).

Anyway, we had a break from looking at schools and went to this first school again at the beginning of year 6, along with various others. She felt quite differently this time, and started at the first school last week, and loves it to bits.

When she was crying at the end of year 4, I told her that by the end of year 6 she would have changed a little and would probably be looking forward to moving on, even if she was sad about leaving primary. She didn't believe me, but it was so true.

Your DD may be older than mine was when we started looking at schools (is she in year 6?), but the shock may well have been similar.

pyro - yes she is in yr6. When she looked round with DS~1 she was in yr 4 and loved it!

grunge - that's the worst of it. Until a yr ago she had loads of activities and I had to restrict her 'cos of the costs. SHe has slowly reduced them (voluntarily) until she is only going riding once a fortnight. We are quite happy for her to go the park across the road or to local friends houses without us - but she doesn't want to. That is why primary is such a home for her guess - all her eggs in once basket. She was a very different child 18m ago I don't quite know what has happened

I took DD2 along with her sister to see one of the schools when she was in year 4 (sounds bonkers, given what happened with DD1 in year 5, but she was desperate to see it, and as it's where she's most likely to go, I was keen to capitalize on her enthusiasm). She loved it; I must be mindful of your experience when she hits year 6 next year.

Perhaps your DD is experiencing my DD's anxiety at a different stage. In year 4 she might not have related the secondary school to the reality of leaving primary school, which does suggest that it's leaving primary that's the real problem, not where she goes, as you've said. I'm sure this will sort itself out as time passes.