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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

I'm upset, after seeing so many grannies/aunts in the playgroung that no one in my or dh's family have phoned to see how my ds's got on first day back at school

29 replies

ssd · 17/08/2009 16:44

no one seems to care about my 2, no one phones to ask "how was your first day back", no one buys them a pencil case for starting school, NO ONE FUCKING CARES

I'm just fed up, the playground was full of caring grans/MIL's/aunts this afternoon, why do some people get masses of support and some of us get fuck all?

my kids aren't little, it wasn't their first day at school, but it would be SO NICE if someone other than me and dh took an interest in them

the kids don't notice (I hope ) BUT I DO

OP posts:

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aGalChangedHerName · 17/08/2009 16:46

SSD the smae will happen tomorrow with us

Due to family stuff my mum wont be coming to see dd1 off to big school the way she did with the ds's. No schoolbag or pencil case or 1st pair of school shoes like she did for the ds's.

She does still do it for my db's dc but hey what can you do eh?

Wont get a call from DH's parents either.

Fuck em is what i say!!!

saythatagain · 17/08/2009 16:47

for you. Thankfully you little ones won't notice. Is it maybe something that your family members just doin't do?

MrsBarbaraKingstanding · 17/08/2009 16:48

I presume this is an ongoing deep seated problem, as just a failure to ring to see how the first day back at school went seems rather over demanding. I wouldn't expect it.

maybe your families have been disinterested and now you're looking for every example possible to prove this to yourself and making yourself more miserable with it?(meant to be gentle suggestion not accustaion)

slayerette · 17/08/2009 16:48

This is probably more a reflection on me/my family than you but it has never crossed my mind that anyone in my family would do this anyway so have never been upset that they haven't!

Starting school for the very first time is one thing but just going back in August/September - isn't it a bit 'different year, same stuff'?

But when you say it would be so nice if someone other than you and your DH took an interest in them, does this not happen on other occasions? Or are they generally uninterested? Because that's a different matter and I do feel for you if that's the case.

OrmIrian · 17/08/2009 16:50

I wouldn't expect that at all. Mum might ring sometime over the next week and then ask in a sort of 'oh by the way' manner. Perhaps all the other aunties and grannies were actually picking the children up for their parents. My parents do once a week.

AMumInScotland · 17/08/2009 16:51

I'm sorry that you feel so unsupported by your families, but I don't think most families call/visit/give presents for every return to school. I don't think my parents have ever called to enquire about DS's first day back. It doesn't mean they don't care, just that it's not that big a deal to them. Not after the first time anyway.

Original poster

ssd · 17/08/2009 16:51

my mum is 82 and housebound, dad passed away 11 yrs ago

siblings all 100's of miles away and not interested anyway

dh's family all nearish but too wrapped up in themselves to give a damn

I had hoped my mum would phone but as usual I phoned her and all she talked about was what she ate for lunch, its her age, if she was 15 yrs younger she'd love to see them at the school gates but now she can't walk and the parent/daughter relationship has been reversed

I'm just sat here with a lump in my throat , my kids are happy so I guess thats all that matters

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 17/08/2009 16:53

SSd my parents are only 57 and 64 so no excuses. It's a punishment in my case and sadly they are taking it out on my dc to get back at me.

Original poster

ssd · 17/08/2009 16:54

its seeing the grannies and extended family at the school gates and facing yet again we have absolutely no support

I know today isn't special or anything, it'd just be so nice to have someone in the family who cares a bit about my kids, I spoiled all my neices rotten without thinking, but now they're grown up the care hasn't been reciprocated

I guesss thats life

OP posts:

MrsBarbaraKingstanding · 17/08/2009 16:55

Your kids are happy.

You are feeling the loss of family to share this with for yourteslf. I can understand that. But you can make yourself very unhappy pining for what you haven't got, and very happy if you can focus instaed on what you do have. Happy lovely children!!

OrmIrian · 17/08/2009 16:55

ssd I see what you mean. So sorry about your mum and dad.

OhBling · 17/08/2009 16:57

I think you obviously have more issues here than just that your mum didn't call when the kids went back to school. DH and I have 5 neices and nephews and a number of cousins who are the same age as neices and nephews and we consider ourselves pretty good aunt/uncle - we buy gifts, we remember birthdays, we look forward to pictures, when we're in town we happily take on baby sitting duty etc etc etc but it would never ever occur to me to call either the children or their parents when the kids start school. That's parent stuff. My job as aunty is to listen to them tell me, normally at length, what they do at school, why they like it/don't like it, what book they're reading etc and remember enough to tailor gifts, spontaneously suggest fun days out or whatever.

Perhaps I am confused and biased as I didn't have grandparents or aunts and uncles growing up but realistically, keeping up with your own children is hard work, to be monitoring all the day to day activities of all the other children in your life is impossible.

MaggieBeauLeo · 17/08/2009 17:01

You're back at school in august?!

3 yrs ago I felt bad when my dc1 started school with just me by her side, all the dads seem to have taken the day off. But since then, it hasn't crossed my mind to do headcounts of who's representing each child.

Original poster

ssd · 17/08/2009 18:14

school is back in Scotland

OP posts:

Roomfor2 · 17/08/2009 18:20

Are you sure they are not just waiting til after bath/bedtime before they ring? Or is it a given that they just won't be calling?

Could you ring them and say 'just thought I'd let you know how the first day went...' in a sort of 'do as you would be done by' stylie, or would that be too antagonistic?

My parents are v good at this sort of thing, but my ILs not, so I can see it from both sides. Some people are just in their own bubble and don't register that today was the day so and so was doing that so we'll give them a call to see how they got on... You can't change them, only the way you react to them. Perhaps if you started the ball rolling by calling them on significant days, or reminding them of things coming up, they might cotton on?

Agreed that you shouldn't have to do things like that, but it might kick things off and in the end you would feel better.

Original poster

ssd · 17/08/2009 18:34

ah, room, that made me smile

not they are definately not waiting till after a certain time!

they don't even phone on Xmas day, why should this day be any different, no one is interested

OP posts:

Roomfor2 · 17/08/2009 18:43

Poor you and DCs . Feel for you. It's crap when GPs are like that. Can you talk to them? Explain that it is a shame/upsetting for the DCs to not hear from them on special days? Or would it fall on deaf ears?

At a loss as to what advice to offer, except that if they won't change, the only thing you can do is rise above and limit the impact it has on your DCs. And vent on MN!

Wow, it is SO crap that both your parents are as bad as each other! What is the matter with people?! Grrrr for you

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 17/08/2009 18:49

not suprised you are upset. I felt it when dd started school last year and no-one was interested. They still aren't. Sometimes you have to accept thats how it is.

ninah · 17/08/2009 18:51

concentrate on the positives instead of the negatives
plus your dc are less likely to be upset if you aren't

Bramshott · 17/08/2009 18:55

Clearly you are feeling upset and unsupported by your family, but do many people really phone up to find out how the first day went when it's not their first year in the school?!? I consider my family to be very loving and supportive, but I'm 100% sure it wouldn't occur to any of them to do this.

tink123 · 17/08/2009 20:04

I have never noticed loads of grandparents and other family turning up on first day back at school. Just the usual suspects who pick children up every day.

sunnydelight · 18/08/2009 04:44

It is a bit gut wrenching sometimes watching the whole family thing from the outside, but families come in all shapes and sizes these days and you need to cherish the idea of your own little family supporting each other. Judgning by the many posts on MN about family not living up to expections you are not alone.

We've had a lot of deaths in the family over the past few years, and the family we have left aren't supportive which is one of the reasons we felt comfortable emigrating to the other side of the world. In some ways it's easier now that we know it's just us. You can't be let down when you have no expectations.

Original poster

ssd · 18/08/2009 07:54

yes, sometimes I think it would be easier if it was just us

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piscesmoon · 18/08/2009 08:16

I think there must be a lot of issues with family, apart from this. I never gave it a thought,I don't expect they bought them anything when they started school-it was probably me who phoned to say how they got on. It really didn't matter to me so I simply can't remember.
I know that when DS gets his exam results this week I will never find out if anyone would have bothered to ask, as I will be on the phone as soon as we know -good or bad!

juuule · 18/08/2009 08:30

You say your siblings are 100s of miles away and your dh family too wrapped up in themselves. Do any of them have children? Do you phone and enquire how they have got on with different things?

I wouldn't expect relatives to phone enquiring about first day back at school and noe-one has ever got them something to go back to school with but then I wouldn't expect them to. I also don't phone specifically to enquire about nieces/nephews going back to school or even first day.

Could it be you are feeling lonely? Why don't you phone them and tell them about your life.

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